Traffic Light Tutorial

Judging by the way people behave when they get to a traffic light, it may be time for a short tutorial. 

First, there are two basic types of traffic light. There is the timed light and the “On Demand.” Of course, there are numerous derivatives. 

The timed light just has a set time it goes by for each direction. These are usually at major intersections that have a lot of traffic both ways. In Austin, one such is at Lamar and Rundberg. So, the green light may last for 30 seconds each way, or may be 30 for the bigger of the two, and then 20 for the other. Have you ever seen a black hose stretched across the road? It is recording traffic and one of the things it's used for is to decide light timing (among other reasons). 

The On Demand light is a little trickier. It is based on if/when you get to the light. First though some terms. 

Most intersections have a thick white line painted across each of the lanes. I was taught that this line is called the “Threshold.” Recently I’ve learned that it is sometimes called a “Stop line.” I prefer Threshold. It demarcates where you are supposed to stop. Always get as close to it as possible, but don’t go over. I’ll get to that next. 

The Treadle

Buried under each lane at the intersection is what is called the “treadle.” Sometimes you can tell where it is because there are very thin cut lines in the pavement showing where it is buried. It is buried from the threshold to about 10 feet back. So,when you run over the threshold it lets the light know you are there. The On Demand light will soon change when you run over that treadle. 

This is why you must pull up to the threshold. If you don't and it's an On Demand light, you may be there for some time. I've seen this many times. A guy comes to the intersection at a left turn light, but is too far away from the threshold. Typically, the person gets mad because the light won’t change and so runs the light. 

Displaced threshold

Before I mention derivatives of the two lights, let me tell you why you see offset thresholds. This is a threshold that is typically in the left lane and it's set further back from the lane that goes straight. It is painted like this to accommodate turning traffic—especially buses and trucks. If you stop past the threshold it will make it very difficult for those vehicles to turn. It could also lead to your vehicle getting hit. So stop at the threshold/stop line.

A very common derivative of the above traffic lights is a “timed & On Demand” light. It is basically an On Demand light, but it will stay green on a timed sequence. So if you roll up to it, the light will change but stay green for only a short time. Sometimes the time gets extended if multiple cars run across the treadle. In other words, the light is informed that there is more traffic and so it should stay on longer.

We see this light most often at a major street that has a side street that intersects. The light will stay green for the main street and only change if someone pulls up across the treadle on the side street. Often it can take a while for the side street to change even if you have crossed the treadle because the major traffic flow has priority. 

Within the past few years, cities have begun to use a traffic light system that uses a camera to decide if it’s time to change. My experience with these is that it seems less reliable. I’m not sure if it’s because the camera is aimed wrong, has too narrow of a target field or if the software running it is sketchy. Or maybe I’m just going to the wrong intersections. Anyway, this seems to be the future.

So the bottom line of all of this is to be sure and pull up to the threshold/stop line. Then, cross your fingers that it’s not too long of a wait for the light to change.

Ahhh, James Thurber

For this tutorial, I didn't do extensive research, I just knew a lot of it because of my upbringing. My Dad was the City Engineer of a number of cities and so he would often impart knowledge about such things as we drove along. In other words, when other kids riding along with their Dad would get to stop someplace and get an ice cream cone, we would stop at a sewage treatment plant and go look around. Of course, this was years ago so I'm sure that some of the tutorial information has been changed or improved, but for the most part, from current observation, most of it is still present at today's traffic lights. We at The Thurber Brigade hope you enjoyed this little side step and rest assured, we'll get back to blogs about things like relationships, male/female behavior, politics, etc. real soon. Maybe. 

 

 

Summer Vacation

Hey, it's hot in Texas. We at The Thurber Brigade decided to head somewhere cooler. We'll be back next month with another biting satire, clever essay, or post about this and that. Maybe.

 

The Heat is On: The Texas Seasons

Often you will hear travelers to The Great State mention how they couldn’t live here because they’d miss having the “seasons.”  They wax poetic about seeing the leaves change on trees and remember fondly building snowmen. 

 

Although they could do that here in Texas, the number of days a person could experience those memories is pretty short. Pining for the four seasons up North seems odd to us, because here in Texas, we have eight seasons.

According to your calendar, Summer has just begun.  In Texas, summer is a factor in just about all the seasons.  Ergo, we have many more seasons then the rest of the country.

Here are the seasons in Texas:

• Summer
• Real Summer
• Summer Post Facto
• Fading Summer
• Faux Fall
• Waning Winter
• Spring-ish
• Pre-summer

Now, with climate change the actual dates will fluctuate, but here’s a rough guide to when the seasons occur:

Summer---------------June 22-July 3

Real Summer---------July 4-September 1

Summer Post Facto---September 2-October 5

Fading Summer-------October 6-November 25

Faux Fall--------------November 26-December 23, 26-30

Waning Winter----December 24, 25, 31-January 10

Spring-ish-------------January 11-February 28

Presummer------------March 1-June 21

Most Texans are used to these seasons, and shudder when the temperature drops below 70°.  When that rare occasion happens (usually in Waning Winter), they grab their parkas, huddle in their houses and wonder if it’s the end of the world.

Yes, summer has begun according to your calendar, but here in Texas we all know that it is just a number on a piece of paper—and that piece of paper will probably catch fire when Real Summer gets here.   

So grab yourself a glass of sweetened ice tea, your little floaty device, a good straw cowboy hat and head to the nearest body of water because you’re going to want to keep cool for the next 11 or so months.

It's travel season now and we at The Thurber Brigade wanted to enlighten visitors to Texas about the weather, and so hope you won't mind this little rerun from 2018 (we didn't have time to explain how in Waning Winter temps may be 100 one day and 32 the next).  We're furiously working on another blog that's sure to anger someone as we discuss aspects of the ongoing War Between Men and Women (um, relationships).  Keep cool until then. 

 

 

The Dump Trump List—a rerun from 2020

 Wrote this in 2020 letting people know why they should not vote for Dementia Don again. Most didn't. Whew. But it's worth repeating this because the list is still relevant today—maybe more so. 

From the opening bell, the tRump administration has been a disaster.  From sketchy inaugural donations and lying about crowd size, to today's COVID mishandling and endangering democracy by throwing shade on elections The Orange One's (my preferred reference) time in office has damaged this country. 

So to help jog people's memory, here's a short list of things he's done that the MAJORITY of Americans will find distasteful/illegal/evil/unAmerican.

THE LIST

• Claimed millions voted illegally
• Put children in cages
• Refused to release tax returns
• Denigrated Gold Star family
• Calls free press “enemy of the people”
• Has lied over 15,000+ times

• Gave security clearance to Ivanka and Jared over intelligence objections
• Denigrated John McCain for being a POW
• Thinks of veterans as suckers and losers
• Skipped Normandy ceremony as he didn't want to ruin his hair in the rain

• Politicized masks and other possible ways to mitigate spread of COVID
• Banned Muslims from entering country unless they are from a country he does business with
• Called Nazis very fine people
• Insults allies
• Praises dictators
• Ignored intelligence reports about Russian bounties on US troops
• Called African nations “shithole countries”
• Belittles US generals and believes he knows more then them
• Stole money from his charity and is banned

from having any new ones
• Foreign governments stay in his hotels to curry favors
• Forces government employees to stay in his properties while traveling
• Played golf more than any prez after stating he wouldn't have time to play
• Government must foot bill for his golf excursions which means we have paid his company over 200 times his salary
• Promoted snake oil cures for COVID 

• Donates his salary as a tax dodge because he makes so much off golf trips.
• paid off porn star to remain quiet about sexual affair
• Had sexual affair while wife was pregnant with son
• Promised to build wall along border has only completed three miles of new fence and Mexico will not pay for it
• During campaign his operatives had numerous meeting with Russian agents in order to gain an advantage

• Obstructed investigation into his Russian connections
• Attempted to bribe Ukrainian president for help with his election
• Asked China to help him win re-election
• Impeached for Ukrainian scheme and his obstruction of subsequent investigation 
• Has nearly daily Twitter

tantrums
• Attacks private citizens on Twitter
• Hurls childish nicknames at those he perceives as foes
• Pudges leaders of other countries aside so he can walk at front
• Threw paper towels at hurricane victims
• Removed clean water and air regulations
• Promised to get drug prices lowered, instead the went up
• Drain the swamp? He added more swamp creatures
• Knocked out the teeth of the EPA
• Kicked Dept. of Interior in the

balls
• Dumbed down the Department of Education
• Suspected of being Russian asset
• Supports white supremacy groups 
• Validates racism
• Inherited a good economy, destroyed it
• Highest trade deficit in years
• Started tariff war with China, lost
• Due to tariff war had highest number of small

farm bankruptcies since depression
• Utilized secret police against citizens
• Largest civil unrest in nation since Vietnam years
• Attacked federal judges he didn't like
• Ignored danger of COVID-19

• Ignored scientists on COVID
• Over 220,000 deaths from COVID and climbing
• Downplayed seriousness of COVID
• No national plan to control COVID

• Dismantled pandemic response team prior to outbreak

• Didn’t replenish national supplies of PPE and other medical equipment

• Federal government seized PPE from states who imported it for their state’s use

• Owes millions of dollars, possibly to foreign interests that could compromise US security

• Tax cuts for rich, peanuts for others

• No definitive foreign policy

• To help his business interests, caved to Turkey and betrayed our Kurdish allies

• He has become a laughing stock of other world leaders

• Favorability of US in the world has gone down except in dictatorship countries

• Promoted budget that would diminish Social Security and Medicare

This is not an all-inclusive list, there are tons of regulations meant to protect us he has overridden, countless people he has insulted, untold number

of norms he has violated and more. At least this is a starting point though of why you should not vote to give him four more years. If he is reelected it will be an incomprehensible disaster for this country. So read over this short list one more time and go vote for Joe Biden. Return this country to decency and prominence. Vote The Orange One out.

Ah, James Thurber

The Thurber Brigade apologizes for once again getting off the path of making light of the interaction between men and women.  The Brigade will get back to its usual snarky self next time. Maybe.

The Story of Easter: A Thurber Brigade Rerun

 

Around 300 CE the Cardinal ran up to the Pope while in the most agitated state.  The Pope held up his hand in a calming manner to placate the worried man.

“Calm thyself Cardinal.”

“We have a crisis your excellency!” the Cardinal exclaimed.

“What crisis?”

“The people are dancing around naked and drinking heavily all in the name of Eostre!”

“Well, we can’t have that.  I have a plan though.  Go gather the people around and I will make a declaration.”

So, the Cardinal rushed off and after getting the people clothed and somewhat sober, convinced them to go and hear what the Pope wanted to tell them. 

“People there is a new holiday you should celebrate.  It is one that commemorates the death and resurrection of Jesus.  This holiday will be heretofore known as Easter!” the Pope exclaimed.

The people mumbled amongst themselves and looked questioningly at the Pope.  “Easter?” That sounds suspiciously like our favorite time of the year when we celebrate Eostre,” one man said.

“Um, no, no, it’s not related to Eostre at all,” the Pope assured him.

Monty Python would celebrate Eostre

“It seems strange to celebrate someone’s death,” another peasant said to the Pope.  “I mean, it sounds rather bloody from the description your priests have told us in the past.”

“Yeah, and that story they tell about Jesus sure sounds a lot like the story of Inanna and Horus,” another person shouted.  “I mean, they were killed, went to the underworld and came back.”

“No, no, those stories are just myths. This story of Jesus is real. You can trust me,” the Pope said as convincingly as he could.

“We like Eostre though,” several others chimed in.  “We get to dance and drink, we paint eggs and carry around rabbits to celebrate the new spring and virility.”

“Well, you can still have eggs and rabbits,” the Pope said. 

“Can we dance and drink too?” a man at the back asked.

“Of course you can, although I think it best to keep your clothes on,” the Pope answered.

The people furrowed their brows and wrinkled their noses.  “We’re not sure about this holiday.”

“Oh, you’ll love it,” the Pope assured them. “You’ll have a great time.”

So the people decided to celebrate both holidays.  After all, the more holidays the better.  However, slowly but surely the Pope and his successors convinced them to just celebrate Easter. With time, he also got the people to calm down more and celebrate with less enthusiasm.

The church kept the eggs and rabbits, but got the people to dispense with the dancing and drinking. A small group of pagans didn’t like this turn of events and vowed to one day return the holiday to its more spirited nature. 

Slowly but surely the old Eostre followers have been stressing the eggs and rabbits.  So today you can actually find people telling stories of big rabbits hiding chocolate eggs. They sneakily got the church to offer sunrise services which celebrate an old solar celebration. Also, the pagans convinced the Pope to base the time of Easter on the phases of the moon.  They haven’t been able to bring back the wild dancing, but have had more luck with the drinking aspect with their Easter sales at liquor stores.

So whether you follow celebrations of Horus, Inanna, Eostre/Ostara or Easter we at The Thurber Brigade wish you a pleasant holiday.

Ahhh, James Thurber

We at The Thurber Brigade apologize if this story sounds a little like our annual Christmas story.  We can't help that a certain religion co-opted several Pagan celebrations to try and win over the people. We also apologize to the serious religious types for making fun of the Pope, religion, myths, etc.  We don't regret it, nor doubt the above story has some basis in reality, but we apologize as we want you to continue to enjoy whatever holiday you celebrate. Cheers.

 

 

We're Going Backwards

Late on Friday nights when I’m safely home (admittedly after a few beers) I like to play music videos on the DVD player. Often they're 80s videos, some are hard rock, i.e. AC/DC (which annoys the neighbors because you have to play those loud), or sometimes just a few “chill music” vids because I need to calm down.

However, one of my favorites is Lionel Richie's “All Night Long.” Invariably though this depresses me. It reminds me how we are going backwards nowadays.

The song is about how you can be so strongly moved by something (music) that you just have to keep going. Party all night long. The dancers wear very colorful outfits, surely meant to make a subtle point, and are multi-racial. The dancing includes a wide range of styles with various mixtures of couples.

This was back in the 80s where it was slowly becoming common and acceptable to see a black man dance with a white woman, a white man tango with an Asian female, two males breakdancing together. It made it seem like things were progressing to where we could all live together in harmony.

Then Trump came along and infested the White House. 

Although we knew there were a lot of racists in our country, they at least had become reticent to express it in public. Unlike the old days where Jim Crow was normalized, racism had become a social deviation, something kept quietly amongst a person's cohort or family. Not something you could bring out in public without facing public derision.

Trump enabled racists. Emboldened them. He has tried to make it acceptable in polite society, and criticized those who challenge him as weak-wristed Libtards or overly PC elites.

Thanks to him, we see an increase in right-wing, racist organizations, demonstrators who are unafraid of public shame chanting abusive, racist slogans and public displays of offensive comments to anyone who looks foreign or of a different race than Anglo-Saxon whites. Even the Republican Party seems to have embraced the Trump vitriol and become largely the party of white males.

Although we've had problems with police interactions with civilians, as I noted in my blogs “Tips for Tourists” and “Police reform Part I & II” I don't think we've seen this level of police violence toward minorities since before the 70s. It's as if they are acting as Trump's agents of violence that he often spews at his pep, excuse me, "campaign" rallies.

I long for the days when we could dance the night away regardless of our race, religion, political affiliation or whatever.  

Sure, the video is a make-believe world, but it was a world where people lived together peacefully, where differences were immaterial, where people could dance together in harmony. A world we need to find again.

Ahh, James Thurber

Okay, yes, this is a rerun from August 2019. However, racism, misogyny and hatred of others has gotten worse. It's because the guy in the White House (I don't like to use his name) has made it all acceptable. He's made it so that people who would have been ashamed to express or act in such a manner find it okay to come out of hiding. In the 80s it seemed like we were making so much progress and now it's like we're set back decades. So it is worth sounding the alarm again if it might help slow down this devolution. Make America tolerant again.