The Coronavirus and God's Wrath

The All Father has decided to punish us all. Odin has sent to the world the Corona Virus to teach us a lesson for straying from his teachings.

You can tell it's from Odin as the main group of people who have died are the elderly—who should have earned their place in Valhalla already by dying in battle.

The best way to placate him is to return to the old ways but with some modern accommodations.

For example, because we must earn our place in Valhalla by dying in combat, we need to get rid of all guns and replace them with battle axes or swords.

We must also get away from the mamby-pamby christian habit of being kind to others or the so called “Golden Rule” and instead handle all disputes with single combat. Neighbor ran over your prized begonias with his bike? Chop him to pieces in an ax fight.

By building your strength through combat, you will be a strong, healthy warrior who can withstand a weak virus.

We also need to have a sacrifice now and then to appease Odin and the other gods. My suggestion would be to start with the evangelical ministers who preach about a man who decried wealth and the rich and yet they have accumulated vast amounts of lucre and property. There are enough around to last for years of sacrificing.

Another good area to change might be sports. Instead of the mildness of padded contact in football, we could have armed team combat in the sports stadiums. The victors would be rewarded with adulation and praise, and of course the losers would earn a spot in Valhalla.

Likewise, we should have periodic combat between competitive cities. For example, we’d have the annual battle between Dallas and the weak snobs of New York city. We Texans would show those heretics who the All Father favors! 

So to please Odin and get back to the straight and narrow so that he spares us from this COVID-19 test, we must adhere back to our old ways. I hear the Valkyries calling! Valhalla awaits!

We at The Thurber Brigade apologize if you have read this and believe we make light of a very serious crisis. In fact, we believe that the government should take it more seriously and quit alluding to a “hoax” or use derisive, racist terms to describe it. The Brigade presents this blog only to make fun of the evangelicals who sooner or later will trot out the old line that we’re being punished because of: homosexuals, abortion, pre-marital sex or some other goofy concept. We believe that any mythology, whether Norse, Middle Eastern (ie Christian), etc. has no place in a modern society to establish policy or law. Quit using primitive ideas to address modern problems and get out there and solve this pandemic now.