Dump Trump—A Thurber Brigade Rerun

(This blog first ran on October 30, 2020. Yes, right before the election that kicked the Orange One from the White House. We at the Thurber Brigade believe it is important to remind everyone why we do not want that Orange Blob back in Washington. So read over this list and then be sure and vote for Kamala Harris in November.)

From the opening bell, the tRump administration has been a disaster.  From sketchy inaugural donations and lying about crowd size, to today's COVID mishandling and endangering democracy by throwing shade on elections The Orange One's (my preferred reference) time in office has damaged this country. 

So to help jog people's memory, here's a short list of things he's done that the MAJORITY of Americans will find distasteful/illegal/evil/unAmerican.

THE LIST

• Claimed millions voted illegally
• Put children in cages
• Refused to release tax returns
• Denigrated Gold Star family
• Calls free press “enemy of the people”
• Has lied over 15,000+ times

• Gave security clearance to Ivanka and Jared over intelligence objections
• Denigrated John McCain for being a POW
• Thinks of veterans as suckers and losers
• Skipped Normandy ceremony as he didn't want to ruin his hair in the rain

• Politicized masks and other possible ways to mitigate spread of COVID
• Banned Muslims from entering country unless they are from a country he does business with
• Called Nazis very fine people
• Insults allies
• Praises dictators
• Ignored intelligence reports about Russian bounties on US troops
• Called African nations “shithole countries”
• Belittles US generals and believes he knows more then them
• Stole money from his charity and is banned

from having any new ones
• Foreign governments stay in his hotels to curry favors
• Forces government employees to stay in his properties while traveling
• Played golf more than any prez after stating he wouldn't have time to play
• Government must foot bill for his golf excursions which means we have paid his company over 200 times his salary
• Promoted snake oil cures for COVID 

• Donates his salary as a tax dodge because he makes so much off golf trips.
• paid off porn star to remain quiet about sexual affair
• Had sexual affair while wife was pregnant with son
• Promised to build wall along border has only completed three miles of new fence and Mexico will not pay for it
• During campaign his operatives had numerous meeting with Russian agents in order to gain an advantage

• Obstructed investigation into his Russian connections
• Attempted to bribe Ukrainian president for help with his election
• Asked China to help him win re-election
• Impeached for Ukrainian scheme and his obstruction of subsequent investigation 
• Has nearly daily Twitter

   

tantrums
• Attacks private citizens on Twitter
• Hurls childish nicknames at those he perceives as foes
• Removed clean water and air regulations
• Promised to get drug prices lowered, instead they went up
• Drain the swamp? He added more swamp creatures
• Knocked out the teeth of the EPA
• Kicked Dept. of Interior in the

balls
• Dumbed down the Department of Education
• Suspected of being Russian asset
• Supports white supremacy groups 
• Validates racism
• Inherited a good economy, destroyed it
• Highest trade deficit in years
• Started tariff war with China, lost
• Ignored scientists on COVID

• Due to tariff war had highest number of small farm bankruptcies since depression

• Utilized secret police against citizens

• Didn’t replenish national supplies of PPE and other medical equipment

• Promoted budget that would diminish Social Security and Medicare 

  
  

• Federal government seized PPE from states who imported it for their state’s use

• Owes millions of dollars, possibly to foreign interests that could compromise US security

• Tax cuts for rich, peanuts for others

• No definitive foreign policy

• To help his business interests, caved to Turkey and betrayed our Kurdish allies

• He has become a laughing stock of other world leaders

• Favorability of US in the world has gone down except in dictatorship countries

• Largest civil unrest in nation since Vietnam years 

This is not an all-inclusive list, there are tons of regulations meant to protect us he has overridden, countless people he has insulted, untold number

of norms he has violated and more. At least this is a starting point though of why you should not vote to give him four more years. If he is reelected it will be an incomprehensible disaster for this country. So read over this short list one more time and go vote for Joe Biden KAMALA HARRIS. Return this country to decency and prominence. Vote The Orange One out.

Ah, James Thurber

The Thurber Brigade apologizes for this rerun and for once again getting off the path of making light of the interaction between men and women. This election may be the most important one in our lifetime and so we cannot remain silent about the awful actions of TFG. The Brigade will get back to its usual snarky self next time. Maybe.

 

Dump Trump

From the opening bell, the tRump administration has been a disaster.  From sketchy inaugural donations and lying about crowd size, to today's COVID mishandling and endangering democracy by throwing shade on elections The Orange One's (my preferred reference) time in office has damaged this country. 

So to help jog people's memory, here's a short list of things he's done that the MAJORITY of Americans will find distasteful/illegal/evil/unAmerican.

THE LIST

• Claimed millions voted illegally
• Put children in cages
• Refused to release tax returns
• Denigrated Gold Star family
• Calls free press “enemy of the people”
• Has lied over 15,000+ times

• Gave security clearance to Ivanka and Jared over intelligence objections
• Denigrated John McCain for being a POW
• Thinks of veterans as suckers and losers
• Skipped Normandy ceremony as he didn't want to ruin his hair in the rain

• Politicized masks and other possible ways to mitigate spread of COVID
• Banned Muslims from entering country unless they are from a country he does business with
• Called Nazis very fine people
• Insults allies
• Praises dictators
• Ignored intelligence reports about Russian bounties on US troops
• Called African nations “shithole countries”
• Belittles US generals and believes he knows more then them
• Stole money from his charity and is banned

from having any new ones
• Foreign governments stay in his hotels to curry favors
• Forces government employees to stay in his properties while traveling
• Played golf more than any prez after stating he wouldn't have time to play
• Government must foot bill for his golf excursions which means we have paid his company over 200 times his salary
• Promoted snake oil cures for COVID 

• Donates his salary as a tax dodge because he makes so much off golf trips.
• paid off porn star to remain quiet about sexual affair
• Had sexual affair while wife was pregnant with son
• Promised to build wall along border has only completed three miles of new fence and Mexico will not pay for it
• During campaign his operatives had numerous meeting with Russian agents in order to gain an advantage

• Obstructed investigation into his Russian connections
• Attempted to bribe Ukrainian president for help with his election
• Asked China to help him win re-election
• Impeached for Ukrainian scheme and his obstruction of subsequent investigation 
• Has nearly daily Twitter

tantrums
• Attacks private citizens on Twitter
• Hurls childish nicknames at those he perceives as foes
• Pudges leaders of other countries aside so he can walk at front
• Threw paper towels at hurricane victims
• Removed clean water and air regulations
• Promised to get drug prices lowered, instead the went up
• Drain the swamp? He added more swamp creatures
• Knocked out the teeth of the EPA
• Kicked Dept. of Interior in the

balls
• Dumbed down the Department of Education
• Suspected of being Russian asset
• Supports white supremacy groups 
• Validates racism
• Inherited a good economy, destroyed it
• Highest trade deficit in years
• Started tariff war with China, lost
• Due to tariff war had highest number of small

farm bankruptcies since depression
• Utilized secret police against citizens
• Largest civil unrest in nation since Vietnam years
• Attacked federal judges he didn't like
• Ignored danger of COVID-19

• Ignored scientists on COVID
• Over 220,000 deaths from COVID and climbing
• Downplayed seriousness of COVID
• No national plan to control COVID

• Dismantled pandemic response team prior to outbreak

• Didn’t replenish national supplies of PPE and other medical equipment

• Federal government seized PPE from states who imported it for their state’s use

• Owes millions of dollars, possibly to foreign interests that could compromise US security

• Tax cuts for rich, peanuts for others

• No definitive foreign policy

• To help his business interests, caved to Turkey and betrayed our Kurdish allies

• He has become a laughing stock of other world leaders

• Favorability of US in the world has gone down except in dictatorship countries

• Promoted budget that would diminish Social Security and Medicare

This is not an all-inclusive list, there are tons of regulations meant to protect us he has overridden, countless people he has insulted, untold number

of norms he has violated and more. At least this is a starting point though of why you should not vote to give him four more years. If he is reelected it will be an incomprehensible disaster for this country. So read over this short list one more time and go vote for Joe Biden. Return this country to decency and prominence. Vote The Orange One out.

Ah, James Thurber

The Thurber Brigade apologizes for once again getting off the path of making light of the interaction between men and women. We couldn’t sit aside without comment though when this most important election in decades takes place on November 3^rd. The Brigade will get back to its usual snarky self next time. Maybe.

Exercise Now!

Hey there, Coach Jay checking in again to tell you to get up off your fat butt!  Oops, sorry, that wasn't polite. Okay, everybody needs to get up and exercise during this trying time.

Yes, we all need to practice social distancing and self-quarantining, but you can't let that keep you from maintaining your health. Just like you don't stop brushing your teeth just because you are on vacation, you don't stop staying healthy just because you can't go to the gym. It's easy to goof off nowadays, to just hunker down inside and watch the tube, but you need to self-motivate while you self-isolate and get some exercise. 

You may not be able to go out and play soccer

with your friends, but you can still go and run around the block (or farther). And as long as you don't run in a group, you can still stay isolated. When you see someone jogging the opposite direction and heading toward you, one of you should abandon the sidewalk and run along the side of the road. This way you can pass each other by a good distance. And it is important to have a good distance while running because your breath may travel farther because of increased breathing.

Got weak knees or are not up to jogging? Well, walking is just fine too. However, to get a good result from walking you need to have a brisk pace and not pause. That means don’t stop to pet your friend’s dog or to discuss (from a safe distance) the TV show you are currently binging on.

Should you wear a mask while walking or jogging? Most doctors I've heard talk about the issue say that being outside dissipates the germs that come from your mouth more quickly. So as long as you keep a good distance from fellow exercisers you probably don’t need a mask.

 

Coach Jay knows how to social distance

I like jogging or walking because you get outside, and I think in these self-sheltering times that's beneficial both physically and mentally. However, I'm seeing a large number of people posting videos of their indoor workouts. Whew, they look tough. Not sure I'm in that good of shape, but keep it up. Whatever way you are comfortable with you should keep going. Stay motivated.

Don't stop there though. Nowadays a lot of us are binging on TV shows and movies. Our derrière comfortably nestled in that old couch as we watch marathons of Battlestar Galactica (SyFy channel) or some other cherished show/movie. Well, keep it up but during commercials stand up while you channel surf. Better yet, use the commercial break to walk to the far end of the house or apartment and look out the window. Do it several times before the show begins again.

We'll get back to soccer soon

So don't let your rear end and gut enlarge during these stressful times. Stand up, move around and get that heart beating. Remember, stay home and stay safe, but exercise too. 

Ahhh, James Thurber

The Coronavirus and God's Wrath

The All Father has decided to punish us all. Odin has sent to the world the Corona Virus to teach us a lesson for straying from his teachings.

You can tell it's from Odin as the main group of people who have died are the elderly—who should have earned their place in Valhalla already by dying in battle.

The best way to placate him is to return to the old ways but with some modern accommodations.

For example, because we must earn our place in Valhalla by dying in combat, we need to get rid of all guns and replace them with battle axes or swords.

We must also get away from the mamby-pamby christian habit of being kind to others or the so called “Golden Rule” and instead handle all disputes with single combat. Neighbor ran over your prized begonias with his bike? Chop him to pieces in an ax fight.

By building your strength through combat, you will be a strong, healthy warrior who can withstand a weak virus.

We also need to have a sacrifice now and then to appease Odin and the other gods. My suggestion would be to start with the evangelical ministers who preach about a man who decried wealth and the rich and yet they have accumulated vast amounts of lucre and property. There are enough around to last for years of sacrificing.

Another good area to change might be sports. Instead of the mildness of padded contact in football, we could have armed team combat in the sports stadiums. The victors would be rewarded with adulation and praise, and of course the losers would earn a spot in Valhalla.

Likewise, we should have periodic combat between competitive cities. For example, we’d have the annual battle between Dallas and the weak snobs of New York city. We Texans would show those heretics who the All Father favors! 

So to please Odin and get back to the straight and narrow so that he spares us from this COVID-19 test, we must adhere back to our old ways. I hear the Valkyries calling! Valhalla awaits!

We at The Thurber Brigade apologize if you have read this and believe we make light of a very serious crisis. In fact, we believe that the government should take it more seriously and quit alluding to a “hoax” or use derisive, racist terms to describe it. The Brigade presents this blog only to make fun of the evangelicals who sooner or later will trot out the old line that we’re being punished because of: homosexuals, abortion, pre-marital sex or some other goofy concept. We believe that any mythology, whether Norse, Middle Eastern (ie Christian), etc. has no place in a modern society to establish policy or law. Quit using primitive ideas to address modern problems and get out there and solve this pandemic now.