Dump Trump—A Thurber Brigade Rerun

(This blog first ran on October 30, 2020. Yes, right before the election that kicked the Orange One from the White House. We at the Thurber Brigade believe it is important to remind everyone why we do not want that Orange Blob back in Washington. So read over this list and then be sure and vote for Kamala Harris in November.)

From the opening bell, the tRump administration has been a disaster.  From sketchy inaugural donations and lying about crowd size, to today's COVID mishandling and endangering democracy by throwing shade on elections The Orange One's (my preferred reference) time in office has damaged this country. 

So to help jog people's memory, here's a short list of things he's done that the MAJORITY of Americans will find distasteful/illegal/evil/unAmerican.

THE LIST

• Claimed millions voted illegally
• Put children in cages
• Refused to release tax returns
• Denigrated Gold Star family
• Calls free press “enemy of the people”
• Has lied over 15,000+ times

• Gave security clearance to Ivanka and Jared over intelligence objections
• Denigrated John McCain for being a POW
• Thinks of veterans as suckers and losers
• Skipped Normandy ceremony as he didn't want to ruin his hair in the rain

• Politicized masks and other possible ways to mitigate spread of COVID
• Banned Muslims from entering country unless they are from a country he does business with
• Called Nazis very fine people
• Insults allies
• Praises dictators
• Ignored intelligence reports about Russian bounties on US troops
• Called African nations “shithole countries”
• Belittles US generals and believes he knows more then them
• Stole money from his charity and is banned

from having any new ones
• Foreign governments stay in his hotels to curry favors
• Forces government employees to stay in his properties while traveling
• Played golf more than any prez after stating he wouldn't have time to play
• Government must foot bill for his golf excursions which means we have paid his company over 200 times his salary
• Promoted snake oil cures for COVID 

• Donates his salary as a tax dodge because he makes so much off golf trips.
• paid off porn star to remain quiet about sexual affair
• Had sexual affair while wife was pregnant with son
• Promised to build wall along border has only completed three miles of new fence and Mexico will not pay for it
• During campaign his operatives had numerous meeting with Russian agents in order to gain an advantage

• Obstructed investigation into his Russian connections
• Attempted to bribe Ukrainian president for help with his election
• Asked China to help him win re-election
• Impeached for Ukrainian scheme and his obstruction of subsequent investigation 
• Has nearly daily Twitter

   

tantrums
• Attacks private citizens on Twitter
• Hurls childish nicknames at those he perceives as foes
• Removed clean water and air regulations
• Promised to get drug prices lowered, instead they went up
• Drain the swamp? He added more swamp creatures
• Knocked out the teeth of the EPA
• Kicked Dept. of Interior in the

balls
• Dumbed down the Department of Education
• Suspected of being Russian asset
• Supports white supremacy groups 
• Validates racism
• Inherited a good economy, destroyed it
• Highest trade deficit in years
• Started tariff war with China, lost
• Ignored scientists on COVID

• Due to tariff war had highest number of small farm bankruptcies since depression

• Utilized secret police against citizens

• Didn’t replenish national supplies of PPE and other medical equipment

• Promoted budget that would diminish Social Security and Medicare 

  
  

• Federal government seized PPE from states who imported it for their state’s use

• Owes millions of dollars, possibly to foreign interests that could compromise US security

• Tax cuts for rich, peanuts for others

• No definitive foreign policy

• To help his business interests, caved to Turkey and betrayed our Kurdish allies

• He has become a laughing stock of other world leaders

• Favorability of US in the world has gone down except in dictatorship countries

• Largest civil unrest in nation since Vietnam years 

This is not an all-inclusive list, there are tons of regulations meant to protect us he has overridden, countless people he has insulted, untold number

of norms he has violated and more. At least this is a starting point though of why you should not vote to give him four more years. If he is reelected it will be an incomprehensible disaster for this country. So read over this short list one more time and go vote for Joe Biden KAMALA HARRIS. Return this country to decency and prominence. Vote The Orange One out.

Ah, James Thurber

The Thurber Brigade apologizes for this rerun and for once again getting off the path of making light of the interaction between men and women. This election may be the most important one in our lifetime and so we cannot remain silent about the awful actions of TFG. The Brigade will get back to its usual snarky self next time. Maybe.

 

Dump Trump

From the opening bell, the tRump administration has been a disaster.  From sketchy inaugural donations and lying about crowd size, to today's COVID mishandling and endangering democracy by throwing shade on elections The Orange One's (my preferred reference) time in office has damaged this country. 

So to help jog people's memory, here's a short list of things he's done that the MAJORITY of Americans will find distasteful/illegal/evil/unAmerican.

THE LIST

• Claimed millions voted illegally
• Put children in cages
• Refused to release tax returns
• Denigrated Gold Star family
• Calls free press “enemy of the people”
• Has lied over 15,000+ times

• Gave security clearance to Ivanka and Jared over intelligence objections
• Denigrated John McCain for being a POW
• Thinks of veterans as suckers and losers
• Skipped Normandy ceremony as he didn't want to ruin his hair in the rain

• Politicized masks and other possible ways to mitigate spread of COVID
• Banned Muslims from entering country unless they are from a country he does business with
• Called Nazis very fine people
• Insults allies
• Praises dictators
• Ignored intelligence reports about Russian bounties on US troops
• Called African nations “shithole countries”
• Belittles US generals and believes he knows more then them
• Stole money from his charity and is banned

from having any new ones
• Foreign governments stay in his hotels to curry favors
• Forces government employees to stay in his properties while traveling
• Played golf more than any prez after stating he wouldn't have time to play
• Government must foot bill for his golf excursions which means we have paid his company over 200 times his salary
• Promoted snake oil cures for COVID 

• Donates his salary as a tax dodge because he makes so much off golf trips.
• paid off porn star to remain quiet about sexual affair
• Had sexual affair while wife was pregnant with son
• Promised to build wall along border has only completed three miles of new fence and Mexico will not pay for it
• During campaign his operatives had numerous meeting with Russian agents in order to gain an advantage

• Obstructed investigation into his Russian connections
• Attempted to bribe Ukrainian president for help with his election
• Asked China to help him win re-election
• Impeached for Ukrainian scheme and his obstruction of subsequent investigation 
• Has nearly daily Twitter

tantrums
• Attacks private citizens on Twitter
• Hurls childish nicknames at those he perceives as foes
• Pudges leaders of other countries aside so he can walk at front
• Threw paper towels at hurricane victims
• Removed clean water and air regulations
• Promised to get drug prices lowered, instead the went up
• Drain the swamp? He added more swamp creatures
• Knocked out the teeth of the EPA
• Kicked Dept. of Interior in the

balls
• Dumbed down the Department of Education
• Suspected of being Russian asset
• Supports white supremacy groups 
• Validates racism
• Inherited a good economy, destroyed it
• Highest trade deficit in years
• Started tariff war with China, lost
• Due to tariff war had highest number of small

farm bankruptcies since depression
• Utilized secret police against citizens
• Largest civil unrest in nation since Vietnam years
• Attacked federal judges he didn't like
• Ignored danger of COVID-19

• Ignored scientists on COVID
• Over 220,000 deaths from COVID and climbing
• Downplayed seriousness of COVID
• No national plan to control COVID

• Dismantled pandemic response team prior to outbreak

• Didn’t replenish national supplies of PPE and other medical equipment

• Federal government seized PPE from states who imported it for their state’s use

• Owes millions of dollars, possibly to foreign interests that could compromise US security

• Tax cuts for rich, peanuts for others

• No definitive foreign policy

• To help his business interests, caved to Turkey and betrayed our Kurdish allies

• He has become a laughing stock of other world leaders

• Favorability of US in the world has gone down except in dictatorship countries

• Promoted budget that would diminish Social Security and Medicare

This is not an all-inclusive list, there are tons of regulations meant to protect us he has overridden, countless people he has insulted, untold number

of norms he has violated and more. At least this is a starting point though of why you should not vote to give him four more years. If he is reelected it will be an incomprehensible disaster for this country. So read over this short list one more time and go vote for Joe Biden. Return this country to decency and prominence. Vote The Orange One out.

Ah, James Thurber

The Thurber Brigade apologizes for once again getting off the path of making light of the interaction between men and women. We couldn’t sit aside without comment though when this most important election in decades takes place on November 3^rd. The Brigade will get back to its usual snarky self next time. Maybe.

The Incident

A Thurber Brigade Trump Sidestep

In a shocking news release today, the White House admitted that the recent New York Times article that declared President Trump killed Mike Pence is correct.  

The article, published last week, stated that in a fit of rage Trump had shot Pence after the VP laughed when Trump declared he had the most successful presidency in US history. The news release did not clarify why the White House waited until after the news had broken or the other succeeding events that had proven the incident occurred.

Immediately after the NYT article had been released, Trump denied that the incident happened, and Sean Spicer declared in a press conference that Trump had been bowling at the time the alleged murder took place.

The next day, during a TV interview, Kellyanne Conway stated that Trump had actually been in a high level cabinet meeting that took place in a bowling alley.

Both of these accounts were proven wrong when the next day Trump posted a tweet alluding he may have killed Pence, but it had been an accident:

After that Tweet Spicer avoided questions from the press by wearing a long-haired, blond wig, red dress and heels and discreetly rushed past the reporters waiting to hear his next press conference. Conway meanwhile stated that Trump did not mean that he shot Pence, but that Pence had violently grabbed the pistol out of Trump's hand and then shot himself.

Mrs. Pence, when asked about her husband, said that she never noticed him missing until he missed a dinner engagement at a local restaurant yesterday. She stated that even then wondered to herself if he might have been there but may have just not spoken to her as was his usual behavior.

After the most recent White House news release, Jeff Sessions reiterated his belief that if the president does it, it is not illegal.

Meanwhile, both Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell said they did not want to jump to conclusions until they had formed a committee to investigate.  When asked about the admission of the White House, the presence of the dead body found in the Oval Office and the gun with only Trump's fingerprints the Republican lawmakers stressed that there wasn't clear proof yet and they would check back after further committee meetings.

The Democratic Party couldn't provide a spokesman, but did release a letter stating that Trump must be impeached and then tried for murder. An hour later they sent out another letter to news organizations stating that they were not sure if that was the proper action and would wait until they could find a spokesman with a backbone before making further comments.

Shortly after the recent news release from the White House Trump posted a new tweet:

His follow-up tweet: 

----------------
The Thurber Brigade does not apologize for yet another side-step.  If the prez can "allegedly" collude with our foreign rivals, "allegedly" obstruct justice, "allegedly" profit from his dealings while in office, then both parties, his supporters, and those unwilling to take a stand deserve at least a satirical lambasting if not outright contempt for their lack of morality, fortitude, and patriotism.

Why, yes, I bowl