Exercise Now!

Hey there, Coach Jay checking in again to tell you to get up off your fat butt!  Oops, sorry, that wasn't polite. Okay, everybody needs to get up and exercise during this trying time.

Yes, we all need to practice social distancing and self-quarantining, but you can't let that keep you from maintaining your health. Just like you don't stop brushing your teeth just because you are on vacation, you don't stop staying healthy just because you can't go to the gym. It's easy to goof off nowadays, to just hunker down inside and watch the tube, but you need to self-motivate while you self-isolate and get some exercise. 

You may not be able to go out and play soccer

with your friends, but you can still go and run around the block (or farther). And as long as you don't run in a group, you can still stay isolated. When you see someone jogging the opposite direction and heading toward you, one of you should abandon the sidewalk and run along the side of the road. This way you can pass each other by a good distance. And it is important to have a good distance while running because your breath may travel farther because of increased breathing.

Got weak knees or are not up to jogging? Well, walking is just fine too. However, to get a good result from walking you need to have a brisk pace and not pause. That means don’t stop to pet your friend’s dog or to discuss (from a safe distance) the TV show you are currently binging on.

Should you wear a mask while walking or jogging? Most doctors I've heard talk about the issue say that being outside dissipates the germs that come from your mouth more quickly. So as long as you keep a good distance from fellow exercisers you probably don’t need a mask.

 

Coach Jay knows how to social distance

I like jogging or walking because you get outside, and I think in these self-sheltering times that's beneficial both physically and mentally. However, I'm seeing a large number of people posting videos of their indoor workouts. Whew, they look tough. Not sure I'm in that good of shape, but keep it up. Whatever way you are comfortable with you should keep going. Stay motivated.

Don't stop there though. Nowadays a lot of us are binging on TV shows and movies. Our derrière comfortably nestled in that old couch as we watch marathons of Battlestar Galactica (SyFy channel) or some other cherished show/movie. Well, keep it up but during commercials stand up while you channel surf. Better yet, use the commercial break to walk to the far end of the house or apartment and look out the window. Do it several times before the show begins again.

We'll get back to soccer soon

So don't let your rear end and gut enlarge during these stressful times. Stand up, move around and get that heart beating. Remember, stay home and stay safe, but exercise too. 

Ahhh, James Thurber

Women Say the Darndest Things, Part II

The previous blog about the same subject garnered so much interest and comments/arguments that of course The Thurber Brigade had to have a further discussion.  A perfect example of one of those darndest things happens when women begin to talk about sex.  Often, they act like they may really like...

WE INTERRUPT THIS BLOG FOR SPORTS!

This is Coach Jay, breaking in once again on what I’m sure is a fascinating topic that will surely inflame feminists and perhaps result in countless verbal and physical assaults on the author, but I need to ask:

Why aren't you watching the World Cup?

Right now the Women's World Cup is going on in France. There have been plenty of exciting and explosive games, but most importantly, the US team is kicking ass and taking names. During the first three games not a single goal was scored by the opponents! In the game versus Thailand the U.S. scored a record setting 13 goals!

Coach Jay is impressed.

In their first match of the Knockout Stage they squeaked by against an aggressive Spanish team with a score of 2-1.  This will set up a mind-numbingly exciting game against the host team, France, on Friday, June 28. 

As during the last World Cup (playing on artificial turf) there is a brewing controversy this year.  The U.S. women have sued the U.S. Soccer Federation for unequal pay. The men’s team makes far more money than the women, even though the WNT is much more successful.  While the WNT has won several World Cups, the men’s team often has difficulty even qualifying. The reasons the U.S. federation has presented for this disparity are pretty lame, but we’ll see how this plays out in court.

On the field though the women’s team should continue to dominate.  Although the offense seemed lackluster during the Spanish victory, they will be able to correct that and continue on to the finals.  Yes, even though playing in front of a hostile home crowd, the U.S. will crush the Frenchies.  Coach Jay is quite sure about this.

So don't miss out on these exciting games. Tell your boss that Coach Jay has said it's the Patriotic thing to do to take time off to go watch the USA team at a nearby sports bar.

Now, back to the regularly scheduled blog already in progress. 

Surely radical feminists will be hounding me once again, but how can there be any doubt about it?  I think it is very obvious.  Now, aren’t you glad The Thurber Brigade fostered an intriguing discussion on this rather than taking some strange sidestep into politics or other issue? 

(Yes, I admit, I love soccer. I've played, coached, reffed and even wrote a book about coaching. Next time, I promise to get back to the usual blog stuff. Really)

The Thurber Brigade Clip Show

Often when TV shows have run out of new ideas, or need a break from weekly filming or some other reason to not have an original episode, they’ll run what is called a “Clip Show.”  It’s a show that has some weak storyline but weaves in clips of past episodes.  In other words, the writers took a break and so the producers just ran a bunch of their favorite scenes from the past.

Lately I’ve been engrossed in a couple of other writing escapades and so have neglected The Thurber Brigade.  Usually I try to get at least one blog in each month, but because of this activity, have nothing to show for August.  So it seems like this might be a good time to throw in The Thurber Brigade Clip Show.

For some reason, women seem to believe that men can read their minds and will just magically know when they are interested in a guy.  Sadly, men do NOT have ESP.

Partly because of this odd belief, or more likely, because they’re afraid to face the same possibility of rejection that men must face, women never make First Contact.

Women seem to have a strange form of vision in which when they see a guy wearing a Speedo they go “Ewwwwww”—unless that man is Justin Timberlake.

Angry feminists have attacked this blog multiple times, but they seem to have really been enraged when I discussed women’s driving habits.

Speaking of driving, it drives women crazy to see men go nuts over an attractive female.  However, they can be just as superficial as men, but seem to focus more on the male’s earning potential and status rather than looks.

I wanted to drive to a Pat Benatar concert one time, because, let’s face it, she’s hot, but I couldn’t go because I was coaching at a soccer game.  However, one of my players skipped the game to take his girlfriend to the concert.  It didn’t end well.

Too often women think men are childish when it’s really just our competitive spirit that drives us to certain antics.

Men and women have different views on fashion, plus, women don’t dress to attract men, they dress to impress other women.

In the early days of the blog, I had one about throwing pick-up lines to females, but nowadays, I don’t do that as much as I used to.

Over the years my blood might begin to boil over certain issues and so I’d feel compelled to take a sidestep from “The War Between Men and Women” and blog about the current issue.  One of the best included handy tips for tourists on how to deal with our law enforcement officers.  This one came about because of yet another case of a cop killing an unarmed civilian.

Of course, I’d often hide my sidesteps by using a title and beginning to introduce some hot button issue meant to inflame angry feminists, and then jumping into something else.  Such as raving about the greatness of the USA women’s soccer team.

I am a writer so I also had to take a sidestep now and then to promote my writing.  Such as the time I talked all about SEX.

My personal favorite blogs though, concern matters of my own heart.  In other words, stories about that special female in my life who got away.  I always call these close encounters, partly because I love sci fi and so like alluding to that movie.

So from nearly five years worth of blogs which was the best?  Well, of course, it’s whichever is the most recent one.

 Ahhh, James Thurber

The Thurber Brigade apologizes for stooping to a "clip show."  They're not that great on TV, but we hope you've enjoyed this slight review of past whimsical blogs about men, women, dating, well, any and everything.  We promise to get back into the swing of things next time.  Maybe.

A Timely Blog

Art plays an important part in human civilization by expressing our humanness in a different form.  Of course, as a writer, I consider myself an artist of words, but paintings, photography, etc. are a different subset.  

I bring this up because one of the ways I always inspire and motivate my writing is to visit museums to observe and absorb the art.  Oh, I'm not one of those dreamy types who fawn over the work or the artists (you won't find me at an art auction or swooning over some visiting painter), but I do love to stroll by and sometimes pause in front of paintings that move me.

One of the first things I do as I observe the work is look at the accompanying description and note the date of the piece as well as the dates of the artist.  For example, one of my favorite works is in the Blanton Museum here in Austin and done by Donald Roller Wilson.  "Mrs. Jenkins' Late Night Dinner in Her Room, Alone (While, Out in the Hall Leading to Her Room, Her Small Friends were Sleeping)" was completed in 1984 when Wilson was 46.  His dates are 1938—present.  

So he did this in the 1980s, my favorite decade.  Many of my books are set during that time, I finished college then, there were some exciting bands coming into their own (Stevie Ray Vaughn, U2, The Police, Midnight Oil, etc.) Reagan was destroying the middle class at the time (sorry, my political side had to chime in), disco was dying out (thank god).  All and all, an interesting decade.

I then think about what I was up to when I was the same age as the painter. For example at 46: I was still recovering from getting run over on my bike by a car; I had established myself as a great academic adviser at UT (hey, I get to pat myself on the back); I had a number of my short stories published by then and so like a crazed gambler still worked feverishly at becoming a famous writer (still working on that); well, you get the idea.  I try to establish the connection to time with the author, the age/year and myself.

In other words, I'm thinking a lot about time.

 

Tom Hussey's thoughts on time passing

As I get older, this seems to be a bigger thought.  Oh, it could be that subconsciously I'm thinking about my mortality, but I like to believe it's just that time and age fascinate me.

I do something similar with movies and TV shows.  I always check to see when they aired and figure out what I was up to at that time.  For example, I love the TV show "Lost."  I'm still shocked when I watch my DVDs of the show that it ended seven years ago.  Surely it was only a couple of years.

I have a feeling this means I have a hard time comprehending time.  When things are happening now, time seems to be just crawling along.  Yet, when I think about things that happened in my past—what?  Star Trek: TNG ended almost a quarter century ago!—I'm always shocked how fast time moved.

All of this seems a little odd to me because for the most part age doesn’t bother me that much.  I don’t mind that I’m older, recognize that I may no longer be able to keep up on a soccer field with 18-year-olds, and even realize that the slight injury I get from some activity might take longer to heal.

That being said, I do not necessarily reveal my age to women when they ask (if they don’t ask, I don’t bring up age at all).  Instead, I’ll say something like “I’m the same age as Jerry Seinfeld and John Travolta or some other celebrity that’s my age. 

The reason I do this is because women do care about age.  If I were to tell a younger woman my age, she may just reject me outright for that reason.  If I force her to think about a star who is at the same age, well, I have a better chance of getting beyond the initial conversation.  I’ve alluded to this before in a blog about superficiality.  Although men may judge a woman by her looks, a woman will judge a man by his station in life/wealth.  So, if I take age out of the equation, I may get further.

Women also show more concern about their age because of their belief in what age may entail.  It brings about changes in hair, adds wrinkles, etc.  This bothers them so much a gigantic industry flourishes to feed this fear.  Besides lipstick, eyeliner and perfume, cosmetic companies make millions on anti-aging elixirs and creams.  While you might find one or two of these targeting men, you’ll find thousands for women. 

I admit we guys like to chase after younger females. It makes us feel younger when they seem interested.   This doesn’t mean we don’t like women who have aged.  I have a feeling that women's disdain for the signs of aging is similar to women and their relationship with fashion.  As noted before, women dress for other women, not for men.  Most likely, it's the same mindset for women about aging.  They want to impress other women about how young they look even though they are at such-and-such age. 

Time passing by Musicman

So time may pass.  Time may ebb and flow.  Time may even be relative. However, one thing I’m sure about is that time will keep us thinking about our place in time.

 James Thurber!

The London Manifesto: a Thurber Brigade Sidestep

As rogue members of The Thurber Brigade, we declare that the recent London terrorist acted in accordance to the wishes of our group: British Are Redcoat Facists (BARF).

We have never forgiven the British for their treatment of American colonists. Whether it was setting NYC on fire or hanging our loyal comrades who fought in the militias, we will not forget their atrocities. Regardless of the years where they "claimed" to be our allies, nor that it happened over 200 years ago, we will never forget.

Although some other irrelevant and foolish groups claim responsibility for the attack on London, it should be abundantly clear to the world that the attacker followed our guidance and ideals.

— Over the years he has proven he wanted to rebel against the Bloody Brits by callously flaunting their laws.

— Like a huge portion of the American populace, his weapon of choice was the automobile (40,000+ American deaths by auto in 2016)

— Just as a large percentage of Americans have been incarcerated for various crimes, he too was a lifelong adherent to the criminal lifestyle.

We at BARF will continue to rebel against the evil British Empire and will combat their atrocious attempts to Anglicize the world with their hideous tea and scones at 4 p.m. (Tea Time), their wanton embrace of musical diversity, their absurd love of an anachronistic monarch, and especially their insane belief that soccer must be called football.

Our struggle will continue unabated and forever.  Long live the BARF rebellion!

 

Ahhh, James Thurber.

We at The Thurber Brigade (the non-rogue element) wish to apologize for this sidestep. We believe this cheap attempt at satire to ridicule ISIS and other terrorist groups who like to claim all criminal acts as a result of their bizarre beliefs is, well, futile.  To think that terrorist groups are logical or intelligent or rational enough to understand how their misinterpretation of religious dogma is not a valid reason to carry out atrocities doesn't make sense. They're nuts. They don't understand their own religion, how could they possibly understand satire? We at The Thurber Brigade promise to get back on track with the next blog. Really.
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Legal Disclaimer: The Thurber Brigade legal staff has advised us that we must declare that we are NOT responsible for the terrorist attack in London, nor do we support any act of violence.  However, we do claim credit for the invention of the pet brick, Jello ice cream, sunny days at the beach and are proud sponsors of the Marty Feldman Fan Club.  

 

Women Say the Darndest Things

When I wrote my blog about women drivers, feminists went into attack mode ranging from attacking me on Twitter to complaining to my boss. I made some generalizations about females, but...

We interrupt this blog for sports!

This is Coach J and although I hate to jump in here during this exciting and stimulating blog in which I am sure the writer is going to say something controversial in an attempt to make some people angry and garner more reader interest (he thinks), this is much more interesting and important.

 The Women's World Cup has begun!

The USA Women's National Soccer Team needs to reclaim their rightful place as the premier force in the world, and I believe this year they will do just that. Led by Abby Wambach and Megan Rapinoe, and bolstered by a great back-stopper in a Hope Solo this will be a team to be reckoned with.

They begin play in one of the toughest groups, the Group of Death, Group D. Here are the teams:

This is the USA's schedule:

 

A big controversy to keep an eye on are the fields themselves. For some odd reason FIFA has set all the games to be played on AstroTurf. A terrible surface for soccer and there is no way this would happen if they were men's teams. No, this probably isn't as big as giving the Men's World Cup to Qatar, but it's close.

So don't miss out on these exciting games. Tell your boss that Coach J has said it's the Patriotic thing to do to take time off to go watch the USA team at a nearby sports bar.

 

Now, back to the regularly scheduled blog already in progress. 

So although I know this might really inflame those crazy radical feminists once again, they can't deny the truth. Now, aren't you glad The Thurber Brigade got back on topic and didn't succumb to another sidestep about something like the latest police malfeasance?

(Okay, I love soccer. I've played, coached, reffed and even wrote a book about coaching. Next time, I'll really get back to the usual blog stuff. Really)