Rejection

In the bottom drawer of one of my file cabinets sit hundreds of rejection letters.  These are from publishers, editors, agents, etc. for countless submissions of books, articles and stories.  Some of the letters are nice; some include reasons why; some, probably the majority, are soulless standardized form letters. All have the same impact: momentary depression, then resolve to try again.

Did I mention I was stubborn?

Of course, like most guys I’ve had twice that amount (or more) of rejections from women.  It ranges from the rejection by the girl of my dreams when I was 10 to my request to sit by her in the school lunchroom, to that night at The Continental Club when 10 different women turned down my request to dance (several were even dancing in place as if they were keen to hit the dance floor).

Oh, and let me bring up here how men are required to make First Contact—as I’ve blogged before. So although the rejection still stings, we guys get used to the soul wrenching experience. No, we're not immune to the pain of the psychological slap to the face, but we drive on regardless.

I bring rejection up because it is tied to the notorious “#metoo” phenomenon.  It's closely related to my blog about cat calling.  Some men are good at approaching females, some not so much.  Some smooth, some irresponsibly boorish.  Some can knock off a woman's socks with a line, some get their blocks knocked off for saying something crass.

So a natural outgrowth of this is that some men who know they are required to make the first move, take it too far.  Those who have a little prestige or power, may even begin to use that status to push the envelope.  Some of these even enter the realm of going waaaay too far (sexual assault).

Now understand that I’m not implying that because men must make First Contact it's okay to be a little aggressive as long as you don't go too far.  I am however implying that women have a hand in this.  No, not blame for it, but responsibility for initiating an almost Pavlovian-ingrained male trait.

Before all those angry feminists that harangue me start tweeting away, let me give an example of what I’m getting at here.  Let's say that I’m walking down the rough streets of some city openly counting a wad of money.  Within a block I get mugged.  Probably 9 out of 10 people will say “well, what did you expect?”  Oh, they may say the mugger is the guilty party, but they'll also strongly suggest that I precipitated the robbery.

So why can't women understand that they have a hand in creating the situation that precipitated the #metoo problem?  Just like I shouldn't be blamed for getting robbed, women shouldn't be blamed for some guy accosting them.  Just like I shouldn't be blamed for waving around a bunch of money, they shouldn’t be blamed for wearing provocative clothing or walking too close to a coworker. 

However, just like I must recognize that I may have set up the chance to be robbed, women should understand that by not taking a hand in starting a relationship they are guiding a male behavior pattern. 

Face it, men have always been aggressive when it comes to meeting females. It began when cave men would kill to claim a fertile woman to take back to the cave, transformed to a sailor home on leave from the war in the Pacific hitting on the girl serving sodas at the drug store and morphed into today's bar scene of some guy asking to dance.

 "Cathy" by  Cathy Guisewite

Along the way, humankind has changed and modernized, but for some reason, women taking a hand in First Contact never has. So they've championed for the right to vote and equal rights, but stayed mum on taking responsibility to get a relationship off the ground. 

So excuse me if I only give passing acknowledgment to those #metoo advocates.  No, guys shouldn't assault women or abuse them verbally, but until women make a change in behavior themselves, expect guys to make as many unwise approaches as smooth ones.  After all, I've learned to never take cash out of my wallet until absolutely needed.

The Tightrope

To start a conversation with a woman, men must walk a precarious tightrope these days. As we walk along that thin thread we dare not look down. Breathing wrong might cause a dangerous movement. Lose focus and you lose balance.

Fall and you end up as a social media pariah, an outcast, or worst case, plunge into a lawsuit.  Navigate that rope and you might end up with a relationship.  Might.

As mentioned before, men must make First Contact.  Well, that is unless the man is rich or a rock star (or both). To make First Contact men face rejection, putdowns, derision and more.  However, to maintain the species we must forge forward.  Okay, that's overly dramatic, but to get anywhere, men must risk it.

In a previous blog, I also talked about men making catcalls.  The gist of that insightful essay (really, you should read it), was that it stems from our primal need to mate and that through the eons, the methods to begin the process have changed.  Some men are idiots, some suave (and everything between).  Taking the first step, making First Contact, is the same.

The #MeToo phenomena has made the walk on the tightrope even more perilous.

Oh, I strongly support women coming out and reporting about sexual assaults.  Women need to keep doing this as well as not letting someone get away with the action when it occurs. 

WARNING: Blogger about to rant in an unpleasant and less than friendly manner.

Men who greet women at the door naked, expose themselves, send dick pix, and other disgusting modes of abuse are slimy lowlife, scumbags who should be strung up by their junk…

Oops, sorry got carried away.  Anyway, there is no place for sexual assault in our society.  However, the pendulum shouldn’t swing too far the other way either.

For example, I’ve already heard several news stories about waitresses, service industry women and others stating they were sexually harassed.  Yet, when they give more details it sounds like flirting.  This harkens back to a number of years ago when extreme feminists declared that anytime a man made a pass at a woman it was an unwarranted sexual assault. 

There has to be a balance.  Women need to understand the difficulty of the process.

My father met my mother eons ago at a lunch counter in a drug store.  He flirted with her and eventually got the courage up to ask her out.  This was—and is—a common occurrence. 

Some enchanted evening, you may see a stranger across a crowded room.  Then fly to her arms and make her your own—stop you sexual predator!  For you youngsters, those lines are from “South Pacific” and demonstrate why we need to have a balance.  If just meeting and talking to a stranger is harassment, then do we return to the old days of arranged marriages?

Centuries from now, as we’re exploring the stars and distant galaxies, maybe women will make First Contact.  Overcome their fears and reach out to that alien who caught their eye.  Ask him out to a space bar for a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster (cheap “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” plug).

Until then, women need to understand the difficulties of First Contact.  They need to realize that we guys will likely continue to make that First Contact everywhere we go (we’re always on the prowl).  From the gym and grocery stores to the bars and nightclubs, we men will seek out women.  Women shouldn’t allow perversion or assault, but they need to recognize our attempts—no matter how feeble or crazy or goofy—to get to know them. 

Ahh, James Thurber

The Thurber Brigade Clip Show

Often when TV shows have run out of new ideas, or need a break from weekly filming or some other reason to not have an original episode, they’ll run what is called a “Clip Show.”  It’s a show that has some weak storyline but weaves in clips of past episodes.  In other words, the writers took a break and so the producers just ran a bunch of their favorite scenes from the past.

Lately I’ve been engrossed in a couple of other writing escapades and so have neglected The Thurber Brigade.  Usually I try to get at least one blog in each month, but because of this activity, have nothing to show for August.  So it seems like this might be a good time to throw in The Thurber Brigade Clip Show.

For some reason, women seem to believe that men can read their minds and will just magically know when they are interested in a guy.  Sadly, men do NOT have ESP.

Partly because of this odd belief, or more likely, because they’re afraid to face the same possibility of rejection that men must face, women never make First Contact.

Women seem to have a strange form of vision in which when they see a guy wearing a Speedo they go “Ewwwwww”—unless that man is Justin Timberlake.

Angry feminists have attacked this blog multiple times, but they seem to have really been enraged when I discussed women’s driving habits.

Speaking of driving, it drives women crazy to see men go nuts over an attractive female.  However, they can be just as superficial as men, but seem to focus more on the male’s earning potential and status rather than looks.

I wanted to drive to a Pat Benatar concert one time, because, let’s face it, she’s hot, but I couldn’t go because I was coaching at a soccer game.  However, one of my players skipped the game to take his girlfriend to the concert.  It didn’t end well.

Too often women think men are childish when it’s really just our competitive spirit that drives us to certain antics.

Men and women have different views on fashion, plus, women don’t dress to attract men, they dress to impress other women.

In the early days of the blog, I had one about throwing pick-up lines to females, but nowadays, I don’t do that as much as I used to.

Over the years my blood might begin to boil over certain issues and so I’d feel compelled to take a sidestep from “The War Between Men and Women” and blog about the current issue.  One of the best included handy tips for tourists on how to deal with our law enforcement officers.  This one came about because of yet another case of a cop killing an unarmed civilian.

Of course, I’d often hide my sidesteps by using a title and beginning to introduce some hot button issue meant to inflame angry feminists, and then jumping into something else.  Such as raving about the greatness of the USA women’s soccer team.

I am a writer so I also had to take a sidestep now and then to promote my writing.  Such as the time I talked all about SEX.

My personal favorite blogs though, concern matters of my own heart.  In other words, stories about that special female in my life who got away.  I always call these close encounters, partly because I love sci fi and so like alluding to that movie.

So from nearly five years worth of blogs which was the best?  Well, of course, it’s whichever is the most recent one.

 Ahhh, James Thurber

The Thurber Brigade apologizes for stooping to a "clip show."  They're not that great on TV, but we hope you've enjoyed this slight review of past whimsical blogs about men, women, dating, well, any and everything.  We promise to get back into the swing of things next time.  Maybe.

Vive la Difference

The Alamo Drafthouse here in Austin has had some really interesting movies promotions.  They had a "Jaws" film screening in which the patrons are on floats in a pool; they had the "all you can eat spaghetti" night while you watch "spaghetti" westerns; and recently, they had a women only night to watch "Wonder Woman."

Interestingly, this latter one has created a firestorm of protest from men who state it violates their rights.  Although it might be a little hypocritical, it is stretching it to say the screening violates anybody's rights—especially mens.  Face it, men are the most spoiled, pampered and entitled of the sexes. Well, white men.  People of color, no matter the gender, have not had it easy.

With all of the above in mind The Thurber Brigade wishes to stress that we are not a "men's rights" group/advocate.  If anything, we stick out our tongues at those guys because, well, we think it's so goofy.

The Thurber Brigade is here to point out the differences between the sexes—and hopefully do it in a funny, tongue-in-cheek manner.  

For example, when men's rights groups say men are treated unfairly at bars or banks, we at TTB are more likely to say isn't it funny how women can shop for men's underwear with impunity, while men roaming the women's undies section are likely to be arrested.

When men's rightists swear the men are treated unfairly by the courts in divorce lawsuits, we at The Thurber Brigade are likely to make fun of women who scream for equal rights, but wouldn't dream of asking that cute guy at the bar out on a date (First Contact).

We at The Thurber Brigade know for sure that men have all the advantages in life compared to women, but also know there are some major differences in the way the sexes act/behave.

For example, women are lost at 4-way stops and are likely to let every single driver go first no matter if they got there first.  Women will complain about how men are sooo superficial and that they stereotype women by the size of their breasts, yet women are just as superficial and stereotype men about the size of their wallets (or style of car among other things).  Women seem to think that men have ESP and can magically tell when they are interested in them. While men will go up to women they don't know, women will instead try to use signs/mannerisms to get a man interested. Women seem to have different vision than men, in that they'll go "ewww" when they see a man in a Speedo—unless that guy is Justin Timberlake.

So sure, there is plenty of hypocrisy on both sides of the gender wall, but it has more to do with social issues, like men's and women's fashion, rather than economic or legal rights.  The Thurber Brigade will continue to stay away from mundane, silly ideas like "Men's rights," but will continue to make fun of the weirdness of both genders as they interact with each other. 

Ahh, James Thurber

--------------
 Once again, angry feminists somehow acquired an early copy of this blog and have complained that The Thurber Brigade was more interested in presenting pictures of a scantily clad female superhero rather than make a definitive statement.  The Brigade states clearly that we really wanted to make a statement that we do not advocate for men's rights—AND wanted to show more pictures of Gal Godot as Wonder Woman.  Sorry.

 

Baby You Can Drive My Car, Part II

Probably about 99% of the people here in the US are good, decent people no matter their politics, religious views, etc.  However, put them behind the wheel of a car and that percentage drops rapidly.  Maybe only about 45%.  Oh sure, I admit I can get a little crazy behind the wheel too.  Not so much the raging nut who points a gun at a guy who passes him, but likely the guy who will slow down if the guy behind me turns on his high beams.  Oh, and I shout a lot at people who can't hear me. You know, the bad drivers.  Such as the guy who turns on his signal as he makes a turn instead of before.

Anyway, when I wrote my blog about women drivers back in 2014 it created a firestorm of anger from feminists (like people with road rage but without the guns—or cars).  Even though I pointed out how women always complain about men drivers, and even though I was real general and didn't say all women or many women, in fact it probably only related to about four.  These angry women went nuts.

 They harassed me on Twitter and Facebook, complained to HR at the place I used to work at and unfriended or blocked me on social media.

The truth about that blog though is that every mannerism I complained about could just as easily apply to men.  For example, I may see more "creepers" (you'll have to see the previous blog) who are male than female.  That is, all the mannerisms except one:

I honestly believe that females have no clue about how to react at a four-way stop.

When you come to a 4-way stop and you see that your opponent is a female, nine times out of ten you should drive on no matter that you got there after she did.  If you get there simultaneously, regardless that she is to the right, go ahead and drive on.  She will not go.

I have been walking past a 4-way stop and observed on numerous occasions three women pull up to the stop.  Invariably, it will be at least ten seconds before anyone dares to go.  That's an eternity to a male in that situation.

I have also been the last to get to an intersection with two other males and a female—who got there first—and all of the males drove on before she did.

In the previous blog I swore this failure to navigate a traffic situation boiled down to them not being able to make decisive decisions quickly.  That's still a possibility, but it could also be because of a few other stereotypical ideas we guys assign to females:

- Fear of breaking the rules

- Fear of offending someone

- Fear of making everyone angry

- Fear of doing the wrong thing

These aren't bad things.  It could mean that they are more agreeable, more loving, kinder, etc. and so they yield to others to display this quality.  

To males though, it means...well, I'll leave that to the millions of female bloggers to tell us what men think.  Just rest assured that The War Between Men and Women is acted out every day at those 4-way stops.   

Think I'll get a lawn chair and go sit at one to see it all play out—and to get more material for future blogs.

Ahhh, James Thurber

We at The Thurber Brigade wish to apologize for those offended by this blog.  We wish to, but we don't because, well, women just don't seem to understand 4-way stops.  James Thurber understood 4-way stops although with his bad eyesight we guess he didn't drive much.