The Thurber Brigade Clip Show

Often when TV shows have run out of new ideas, or need a break from weekly filming or some other reason to not have an original episode, they’ll run what is called a “Clip Show.”  It’s a show that has some weak storyline but weaves in clips of past episodes.  In other words, the writers took a break and so the producers just ran a bunch of their favorite scenes from the past.

Lately I’ve been engrossed in a couple of other writing escapades and so have neglected The Thurber Brigade.  Usually I try to get at least one blog in each month, but because of this activity, have nothing to show for August.  So it seems like this might be a good time to throw in The Thurber Brigade Clip Show.

For some reason, women seem to believe that men can read their minds and will just magically know when they are interested in a guy.  Sadly, men do NOT have ESP.

Partly because of this odd belief, or more likely, because they’re afraid to face the same possibility of rejection that men must face, women never make First Contact.

Women seem to have a strange form of vision in which when they see a guy wearing a Speedo they go “Ewwwwww”—unless that man is Justin Timberlake.

Angry feminists have attacked this blog multiple times, but they seem to have really been enraged when I discussed women’s driving habits.

Speaking of driving, it drives women crazy to see men go nuts over an attractive female.  However, they can be just as superficial as men, but seem to focus more on the male’s earning potential and status rather than looks.

I wanted to drive to a Pat Benatar concert one time, because, let’s face it, she’s hot, but I couldn’t go because I was coaching at a soccer game.  However, one of my players skipped the game to take his girlfriend to the concert.  It didn’t end well.

Too often women think men are childish when it’s really just our competitive spirit that drives us to certain antics.

Men and women have different views on fashion, plus, women don’t dress to attract men, they dress to impress other women.

In the early days of the blog, I had one about throwing pick-up lines to females, but nowadays, I don’t do that as much as I used to.

Over the years my blood might begin to boil over certain issues and so I’d feel compelled to take a sidestep from “The War Between Men and Women” and blog about the current issue.  One of the best included handy tips for tourists on how to deal with our law enforcement officers.  This one came about because of yet another case of a cop killing an unarmed civilian.

Of course, I’d often hide my sidesteps by using a title and beginning to introduce some hot button issue meant to inflame angry feminists, and then jumping into something else.  Such as raving about the greatness of the USA women’s soccer team.

I am a writer so I also had to take a sidestep now and then to promote my writing.  Such as the time I talked all about SEX.

My personal favorite blogs though, concern matters of my own heart.  In other words, stories about that special female in my life who got away.  I always call these close encounters, partly because I love sci fi and so like alluding to that movie.

So from nearly five years worth of blogs which was the best?  Well, of course, it’s whichever is the most recent one.

 Ahhh, James Thurber

The Thurber Brigade apologizes for stooping to a "clip show."  They're not that great on TV, but we hope you've enjoyed this slight review of past whimsical blogs about men, women, dating, well, any and everything.  We promise to get back into the swing of things next time.  Maybe.

Vive la Difference

The Alamo Drafthouse here in Austin has had some really interesting movies promotions.  They had a "Jaws" film screening in which the patrons are on floats in a pool; they had the "all you can eat spaghetti" night while you watch "spaghetti" westerns; and recently, they had a women only night to watch "Wonder Woman."

Interestingly, this latter one has created a firestorm of protest from men who state it violates their rights.  Although it might be a little hypocritical, it is stretching it to say the screening violates anybody's rights—especially mens.  Face it, men are the most spoiled, pampered and entitled of the sexes. Well, white men.  People of color, no matter the gender, have not had it easy.

With all of the above in mind The Thurber Brigade wishes to stress that we are not a "men's rights" group/advocate.  If anything, we stick out our tongues at those guys because, well, we think it's so goofy.

The Thurber Brigade is here to point out the differences between the sexes—and hopefully do it in a funny, tongue-in-cheek manner.  

For example, when men's rights groups say men are treated unfairly at bars or banks, we at TTB are more likely to say isn't it funny how women can shop for men's underwear with impunity, while men roaming the women's undies section are likely to be arrested.

When men's rightists swear the men are treated unfairly by the courts in divorce lawsuits, we at The Thurber Brigade are likely to make fun of women who scream for equal rights, but wouldn't dream of asking that cute guy at the bar out on a date (First Contact).

We at The Thurber Brigade know for sure that men have all the advantages in life compared to women, but also know there are some major differences in the way the sexes act/behave.

For example, women are lost at 4-way stops and are likely to let every single driver go first no matter if they got there first.  Women will complain about how men are sooo superficial and that they stereotype women by the size of their breasts, yet women are just as superficial and stereotype men about the size of their wallets (or style of car among other things).  Women seem to think that men have ESP and can magically tell when they are interested in them. While men will go up to women they don't know, women will instead try to use signs/mannerisms to get a man interested. Women seem to have different vision than men, in that they'll go "ewww" when they see a man in a Speedo—unless that guy is Justin Timberlake.

So sure, there is plenty of hypocrisy on both sides of the gender wall, but it has more to do with social issues, like men's and women's fashion, rather than economic or legal rights.  The Thurber Brigade will continue to stay away from mundane, silly ideas like "Men's rights," but will continue to make fun of the weirdness of both genders as they interact with each other. 

Ahh, James Thurber

--------------
 Once again, angry feminists somehow acquired an early copy of this blog and have complained that The Thurber Brigade was more interested in presenting pictures of a scantily clad female superhero rather than make a definitive statement.  The Brigade states clearly that we really wanted to make a statement that we do not advocate for men's rights—AND wanted to show more pictures of Gal Godot as Wonder Woman.  Sorry.

 

Raison d'être

Believe it or not this blog has been going on now for four years. Or I should say irritating women for four years. I began it for two reasons. One because once on Facebook a woman didn't like that I had an opposing view about something she posted (I think it was about how she felt sorry for the negative reaction to a 400 pound woman; I mentioned that it was the woman's fault for a lack of discipline/discretion). She told me she deleted my post. When I protested she responded by saying I should just write my own post. Instead I started a blog. Second, when I began exploring blogs to determine a focus for The Brigade I discovered that there were about 1,000 female blogs to each male blog.

So I thought why not be a lonely voice calling out from the desert? Of course it has it's perils. As I've stated before, if a man says something about a women he's a misogynist but if a female says something about a man, well, that's just biting social commentary. I really pissed some feminists off with my driving blog.

Also, I've been told that my blog is sexist because I post pictures of scantily clothed females. It doesn't matter if I don't say they are incapable at some occupation or only good for sex. To some angry feminists, I'm not being sexual, I'm being sexist. It doesn't matter if females make sexual comments or post pictures of Justin Timberlake, as they are just expressing their inner sexual being. In other words, there seems to be a double standard here.

Therefore, here are a few examples of female blogs/articles that encourage me to wither the storm of feminine anger.

He's a great guy, but this woman thinks that he may in fact be a "Wuss."  Another blog says that a guy can be TOO nice, and if so, is probably just a "Wuss" (a popular term women use when talking about men they are not impressed with).  Along those lines, this woman doesn't think her boyfriend makes enough money.  I've actually seen a few blogs that equate the two types as the same. Anyway, a while back I wrote how women complained that men stereotyped women based on looks. I pointed out how women were just as stereotypical, as they often wanted men to be well off (wealthy).

(I still haven't figured out why they used this picture)

Her boyfriend likes to take things slow and also has a habit of doing certain things that seem odd to her, so he must be a control freak.

This blog seems to focus on letters about bad relationships and then the blogger gives advice. I had a blog that points out that no matter what a guy does, he can't win. For some reason, her blog just reinforces my point. 

As I mentioned above, I really caused some feminists brains to explode when I wrote about women drivers. I should point out that first off, I never stated that this related to all women, the angry fems just assumed that. Also, I start off the blog by noting how women often intone various stereotypes about men's driving. That apparently didn't register with them. 

Anyway, as you might expect you can find all sorts of complaints about some woman's boyfriend scaring the shaving cream out of her when he drives, or  really worries her and makes her uncomfortable. These articles/blogs usually have a lot of woman making comments that agree that males are one scary breed when they get behind the wheel. Yeah, we are.

Many women bloggers seem to enjoy pointing out that men are much crazier then women.  Typically, these relate to how a guy may try to get a female's attention or about his commitment to the female. I blogged about how women send out mystical signs to try to let men know they are interested as well as also pointed out that women are more afraid of commitment then men.  Boy, got some angry emails about those.

Of course, sooner or later you'll run across a female blog about trying to find that perfect man.  Sadly, I have never been brave enough to write about finding the perfect woman because I don't want my house burned down. I did write one in which I profess that Pat Benatar is one hot woman.

An odd blog (in my book) tells women about how to determine if they are just being pursued for sex (be sure and check the title, it's hilarious).  Meanwhile, I blogged about how women have strange vision. For example, they will say "ewww" if they see a guy in a speedo—unless that guy is Justin Timberlake. Then they tend to drool.

For some reason, I appreciated the blog about whether to date an older man.  It made it sound like I might have a 50/50 chance.  This one reminds me of my "hunting tips" (really just dating tips for guys).  My blog came about because I had overheard a woman say she was disgusted because she saw an older man with a young female. I tried to stress that the person responsible for first contact (men, of course) should get to pick who they try to hook up with.

Very similar to that is the blog about the worst first date ideas of men. It's alluding that men are all scumbags because they actually do stuff like what she writes about. Oh sure, there are all sorts of guys out there and each one does something that sets a woman off, but the overall thought of the blog is that men are losers. My stereotype and hunting tips blogs weren't subtle enough when I compare it to this which is why they got a much worse reception.

I allude to sex quite often and use pictures of semi-nude females to not so subtly allude to sex. However, if you want an extreme version of a female blog, be sure and see DarkGracie's blog (prudes need not follow the link). If you are annoyed by my pictures of females in bikini's then you should be just as livid at pictures of dildos that seem to populate some women blogs.

As I noted, I often use pictures of women with little on in the way of clothing, well, women do the same thing with pictures of men.

She complains about a date with a guy, including him showing up late, his driving, etc. I have yet to blog about a bad date, but I have blogged about a near miss. Oh, btw, yes, I have a cat.

Although I could go on and on, the last one I want to point out is about a woman who is madly in love with a guy, but won't tell him.  Oh, she talks to him, but she believes he should have ESP and know how she feels about him without giving him a verbal clue.  This is so related to my last blog about First Contact and how women absolutely will not partake. Sigh.

So The Thurber Brigade will continue on its merry way.  Here and there pissing off an angry feminist or two (and take a sidestep or two way off topic) as we discuss The War Between Men and Women. And if one of the blogs irritates you are makes you mad, feel free to comment because as I mentioned in a blog before, I kinda like to rile people (and so enjoy comments). Don't be surprised though if you do make a comment about how I must be the devil's spawn because of my evil writing that more than likely I'll respond by just letting you know that it all came about because some woman started the, er, "discussion" with her clever female blog about us male neanderthals.

 

Ahhh, James Thurber

First Contact

“…There is no starship mission more dangerous than that of First Contact. We never know what we will face when we open the door on a new world, how we will be greeted, what exactly the dangers will be.”  Captain Jean-Luc Picard, Star Trek: The Next Generation (Season 4, episode 15, “First Contact.”)

Some angry feminists have the idea that every time a man approaches a woman he doesn't know and speaks to her, it's sexual harassment. She doesn't want to be bothered they say, or else state she has not done anything to warrant the intrusion. If the continuation of the species were left to women such as this, we'd be extinct in no time. Because it is up to man to make First Contact since females are too afraid to make any attempt.

 

Well, unless the guy is a rock star, pro athlete or movie star. Going up to a complete stranger is impossible for women. Too scary.

I should point out that I wouldn't be here if my father hadn't made First Contact with the beautiful young woman behind the counter of a small drug store. He had just rolled into a small Kansas town on a surveying project and was entranced. This is not a unique story, of course. A large portion of the US populace are happy couples because some guy walked up to a complete stranger and asked her out on a date.

As I mentioned in a previous blog, some men are subtle and clever, some are Neanderthals and resort to catcalls.  Also in the same vein, The Brigade discussed how men are required to throw out lines to meet women. Women will critique these lines, but would never attempt the endeavor themselves. It's too frightening for them; too much of a risk of getting rejected. 

 

So it's up to the male of the species to take the risk. To make First Contact. Oddly, women will often tell guys to "buck up" and take it (risk) like a man—even though they wouldn't dream of doing it themselves.

Interestingly, some women will make an attempt to meet a man they might know from work or some party where they might have had a brief chat (i.e. not a stranger), but never via a verbal message. Instead they attempt some elaborate scheme.

For example, I vaguely remember a woman writing about her scheme, either in a blog or newspaper personal essay, about trying to meet this handsome guy who had said "hi" to her in a park while jogging (wow, almost a stranger, except she had run past him many times before). Of course, in the story she never made mention of just going up to the guy and introducing herself.

The great plan failed, as might be expected, when instead of attracting her target some other "older" guy approached her instead. No it wasn't me, although I did take offense that she brought up his age and made it sound hideous. Come on, I'm not that old. Maybe. Anyway, she wasn't interested in this old guy and the end result is that she is not enjoying dating bliss with the handsome guy either.

In a lot of these schemes women dream up they usually believe they can offer signs to the man (yeah, I've blogged about these signs too) or else believe that men have ESP.

 

We don't.

 For example, one time while in a drug store a cute female seemed to follow me around. Even looking at athlete's foot spray when I stopped there. Not having ESP I wasn't sure if she was interested or was coincidentally looking for the same products that I was and her huge, mean boyfriend was waiting patiently for her around the next aisle (yeah, experienced that one). Needless to say, we never spoke.

A long time ago I remember a Cathy comic strip  in which Cathy and her friends were sitting around a table in a café. She brought up how it was the male who had to make First Contact, take all the risks, and that women would only come on board when they were absolutely sure they were safe. The other women just shrugged, said there was no reason to change now and nonchalantly went on to order their food.

In other words, even though women demand equality in everything, they don't mean it applies to social situations.  AND they admit/support the concept.

So perhaps by the time we achieve intergalactic space travel and trek to distant galaxies, women will have become equal to men—even in social settings. Until that faaarrrr off time, men will have to continue to wear the redshirts on those perilous away missions and initiate First Contact with the Femaliens they encounter.

(What? You were expecting another Thurber Sidestep? Sorry, but The Brigade believed it was time to quit getting angry at all the crap going on out there, from bad cops to loud-mouth, idiotic politicians, and get back to The War Between Men and Women. You're welcome.)

Ahhh, Thurber

Talk, Talk, part II

Last year one of my blogs dealt with whether men or women talked more than the other.  However, just as important is the nature of that talk. Conversations between men and women vary depending on the situation. If you really want to “see” the difference between these two life forms you should witness it first hand at bars. 

In fact, most of the time that I go to bars these days is to watch and listen to people. Oh, in the old days my main purpose was to continue the hunt for females, but as I've grown older I do this less often. Okay, consuming beer is another big reason I go, but I see that as a bonus.

I know you are thinking what a creepy guy I must be to eavesdrop on people. However, as a writer I believe I have an obligation to do this in order to ensure my dialog is up to date. I even wrote an article about how writers have an "eavesdropper license" to do this (“Writer’s Connections” 12/95).

One of the things I have always noticed, and experienced, is that early in the relationship when a man and woman go out, it's the man who must begin and make most of the conversation. It begins by him having to ask questions. Things like "what kind of music do you like," "what did you major in at school?" Small talk to get the conversation going.

The female will answer, sometimes in detail but only if the guy pushes her for more. If the male stops asking questions, there will be a long, painful, lull in talk until the male asks the next question. The funny part of this scenario, is that if there are a lot of long pauses, the male is accused of not being much of a talker. Trust me, it's a no win situation. So don't try to point out the female's lack of talk.

Later in the relationship it's completely reversed. I'm pretty sure this is caused by the feeling the woman has that now the relationship is solid, so she can talk more (it’s a commitment thing). Now the female talks constantly with the male only getting to make a brief observation every so often. Of course, this observation is usually considered wrong, but at least he got a word in to the mix.

In groups I've also noticed trends. For example, usually the conversations include topics that include the whole group at the beginning of the evening. Things like how the couples met, or what they like to do together. As the night, and drinks, continue, there starts to be a segregation.

The men begin to converse with each other. Typically about sports or work. The females begin to talk to each other about clothes or past bad dates. Occasionally, there will be some random crossover where they all talk together again, usually about a mutual friend, especially if that friend is in disfavor. But it will eventually evolve back to separate groups.

The most interesting conversations between males and females in bars concerns sex. The male is always in the hunt for sex but must be coy or it might frighten away the prey. Oops, slipped into the hunting rules again. Sorry. So the male might say something like, "your eyes penetrate my soul," or "I love the way the hot sweat rolls down your arm." The phrase doesn't really have to mean anything as much as it must include words that could illicit thoughts of sex. If the female doesn't resist the words, such as change the subject to shoes, etc. then the male will begin to make more obvious comments.  All of this conversation just to ease the situation into something more about sex.

Women typically don't use conversation to try to get the male to think about sex. Largely she will either leave it to the male to make the move or trust that the male's ESP abilities are working. In other words, it's not as imperative to the female as it is to the male. The most common occurrence in this battle of wills is that if nothing happens the female will just tell her friends the next day that she had been leaving all the signals, therefore the guy must have been gay.

So next time you're in a bar on your own, subtly listen to the couple the next table over to hear the latest sounds from The War Between Men and Women. Oh, and if you're a female and notice a single guy who might be trying to hear what you are saying to your girlfriend, well, buy me a pint. Next blog, we may discuss why this never happens unless the guy is a tycoon or rock star.

Conversation over

(Images courtesy http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/)