Monday, January 28, 2013

You Should be Committed!

 (Men would like to be committed to her)
One of the main mantras you hear from women about men, is that we are afraid of commitment. Afraid to make a hard and fast long-term avowal to a single female. Well, to a degree they are right. Sure, I admit it.  However, it's more complicated than that. 
 The truth is that men are very open to commitment, but we have a time element tied to when we will do it.

In other words, if men don't get some sort of acknowledgement from the female in the early stages of the relationship, then yes, we will avoid commitment.

But this is only a portion of the true problem in this situation. You see, women are scared to death of commitment.  
 That's right, you heard me.  It is women who have the true fear of commitment. They only begin to think about commitment way down the road. After the male has spent massive amounts of time, effort and of course, money to try and win the female's heart.

A number of years ago, the comic strip "Cathy" by Cathy Guisewite ran a cartoon that pretty much admitted this. In it she explains how it is man who must first put his heart out on the line, must make first contact, must, well, pretty much do everything relationship-related at the beginning of that relationship. The funny part of the strip, is that in the final panel all the women admit they see no reason to change this situation.

What it boils down to is that the commitment that women say men are afraid to take part in, is really the commitment that comes when the whole deal is already settled. When it's clear that it's safe. In other words, a long time after the initial contact and those shaky early days when the possibility of heartbreak is most likely.

I remember a woman I had begun a relationship with a number of years ago who would never call me. 
I had to make every contact. I also had to make every choice about what to do, but that's a different blog. Anyway, I wanted to test her commitment to the relationship and see if she would be willing to take a chance and call me. So I stopped calling her. We didn't go out for three weeks! We eventually crossed paths and so I asked her out. Over dinner she was shocked to learn of my plan. However, she also admitted she didn't make any effort herself to contact me, even though she had wanted to see me.

So it's little wonder that we males give up.  After countless weeks of making all the effort to get the relationship off the ground, when we don't get even a little sign that it's going to work, we just throw our hands up and say,"enough."  And walk away.
 This is interpreted by females as a sign of lack of commitment.  In fact, it's just a sign that they have had enough of the female's lack of interest in the relationship.

So this impasse will continue until women have the will to take a chance early, or men decide they think the long haul is worth the price of the ticket. Oh, they Might hang on for a while--if the sex is good--but after a time they invariably decide to look elsewhere for someone who might be willing to take as big of a chance as they will.

You see we men are committed to finding a female who will be committed to us.

She's committed!

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