The Story of Easter: A Thurber Brigade Rerun

Around 300 CE the Cardinal ran up to the Pope while in the most agitated state.  The Pope held up his hand in a calming manner to placate the worried man.

“Calm thyself Cardinal.”

“We have a crisis your excellency!” the Cardinal exclaimed.

“What crisis?”

“The people are dancing around naked and drinking heavily all in the name of Eostre!”

“Well, we can’t have that.  I have a plan though.  Go gather the people around and I will make a declaration.”

So, the Cardinal rushed off and after getting the people clothed and somewhat sober, convinced them to go and hear what the Pope wanted to tell them. 

“People there is a new holiday you should celebrate.  It is one that commemorates the death and resurrection of Jesus.  This holiday will be heretofore known as Easter!” the Pope exclaimed.

The people mumbled amongst themselves and looked questioningly at the Pope.  “Easter?” That sounds suspiciously like our favorite time of the year when we celebrate Eostre,” one man said.

“Um, no, no, it’s not related to Eostre at all,” the Pope assured him.

Monty Python would celebrate Eostre

“It seems strange to celebrate someone’s death,” another peasant said to the Pope.  “I mean, it sounds rather bloody from the description your priests have told us in the past.”

“Yeah, and that story they tell about Jesus sure sounds a lot like the story of Inanna and Horus,” anther person shouted.  “I mean, they were killed, went to the underworld and came back.”

“No, no, those stories are just myths. This story of Jesus is real. You can trust me,” the Pope said as convincingly as he could.

“We like Eostre though,” several others chimed in.  “We get to dance and drink, we paint eggs and carry around rabbits to celebrate the new spring and virility.”

“Well, you can still have eggs and rabbits,” the Pope said. 

“Can we dance and drink too?” a man at the back asked.

“Of course you can, although I think it best to keep your clothes on,” the Pope answered.

The people furrowed their brows and wrinkled their noses.  “We’re not sure about this holiday.”

“Oh, you’ll love it,” the Pope assured them. “You’ll have a great time.”

So the people decided to celebrate both holidays.  After all, the more holidays the better.  However, slowly but surely the Pope and his successors convinced them to just celebrate Easter. With time, he also got the people to calm down more and celebrate with less enthusiasm.

The church kept the eggs and rabbits, but got the people to dispense with the dancing and drinking. A small group of pagans didn’t like this turn of events and vowed to one day return the holiday to its more spirited nature. 

Slowly but surely the old Eostre followers have been stressing the eggs and rabbits.  So today you can actually find people telling stories of big rabbits hiding chocolate eggs. They sneakily got the church to offer sunrise services which celebrate an old solar celebration. Also, the pagans convinced the Pope to base the time of Easter on the phases of the moon.  They haven’t been able to bring back the wild dancing, but have had more luck with the drinking aspect with their Easter sales at liquor stores.

So whether you follow celebrations of Horus, Inanna, Eostre/Ostara or Easter we at The Thurber Brigade wish you a pleasant holiday.

Ahhh, James Thurber

We at The Thurber Brigade apologize if this story sounds a little like our annual Christmas story.  We can't help that a certain religion co-opted several Pagan celebrations to try and win over the people. We also apologize to the serious religious types for making fun of the Pope, religion, myths, etc.  We don't regret it, nor doubt the above story has some basis in reality, but we apologize as we want you to continue to enjoy whatever holiday you celebrate. Cheers.

The Interview

This is an interview that I did for Smashwords, the company that published two of my e-books. It is slowly being absorbed by a different company, and so the interview was bound for the wayside. I decided I wanted it to hang around longer, so have included it in The Thurber Brigade. I think you’ll especially enjoy the anecdote about my English teacher.

 

 

What inspires you to write?

As a kid, I was terrible in English class (btw, I did great in my first German class). I absolutely hated having to diagram sentences and figure out what a past participle had to do with what I said. However, I loved telling stories. So, it wasn’t until I got to my first year of college that I ran into an English teacher that understood me. After my first writing assignment, he called me in and talked to me and wondered what was going on. I must have said something clever, because after that he told the class that our writing assignments would have two grades: one for grammar/structure the other for content. In other words, while other students wrote impressive papers that got every gerund and comma in perfect alignment, my stories excited people and kept them reading. And thanks to that English teacher, I not only passed his class with a B (thanks to his new grading style), I was inspired to try writing for fun instead of just for class. 

 

Tell us about your writing process.

When I first began writing I wrote everything down on a notepad, then would type it so that it was readable to others (I have atrocious penmanship). Eventually I could afford a computer so I would still use the notepad, but with a computer I no longer had to master “whiteout” or correction tape. Whew. Nowadays, I seem to take my iPad to coffee shops and write down the story there, but then transfer it to my computer where I flesh it all out. I still occasionally will wake up in the middle of the night and write something down on paper. Invariably though I wake up the next morning and have a hell of a time reading what I wrote. Maybe I should put my iPad next to the bed.

What's the story behind your latest book?

When I was a little kid, I remember going to my grandmother's house and discovering she had a bunch of TV/Movie gossip magazines. After making sure the adults were not looking, I'd grab a few and browse through them. I was mainly excited by the provocative pictures (I had a pretty strait-laced family and hey, I was a kid), but some of the stories caught my eye too. Years later I thought about these magazines and realized there existed a disconnect between Midwesterners like my Grandma and the Hollywood types. I decided to write about how we all have different ideas about each other and sometimes, they can shape our lives and beliefs. "Writing Trash and Hunting Buffalo" shows what happens when a man who has lived by these stereotypes and hates the ones he has of Tinsel Town people soon becomes similar to them. 

 

Do you listen (or talk to) to your characters?

Years ago, I took a screenwriting class and the instructor urged us to use character profile sheets to get a better picture of what made that character tick. I would include items like scars, facial tics, odd habits. I began using these for all my writing endeavors, from short stories to books and found that I was soon not only visualizing them, but I was often having them over for dinner or running into them at bars. Well, in my mind anyway. Half the time I talk to myself is really me talking to them as opposed to making some snarky comment about something I just encountered.

Jay's current (messy) desk

Do you have any advice for new authors?

If you want to write to gain fame and fortune, you’d be better off trying to get on American Idol instead. Write because you like to tell stories (or whatever internal reason you may have).

Jay's writing office 1985

What authors, or books have influenced you?

Kurt Vonnegut’s “Breakfast of Champions,” Douglas Adams “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy,” Ludlum’s “Bourne” series, everything by James Thurber. I also was inspired by Leon Uris, James Michener, Mark Twain… Darn, the list could go on, but those are in the top bracket. 

 

What motivated you to become an indie author?

I had been sending my manuscripts out with little success, but believed strongly in the stories. So, I had a few bucks left over after taxes and decided to give eBooks a try. Sure, I’ll never be a legend but at least my voice will be out there with everyone else.

Jay at his desk circa the 90s

What advice would you give other writers?

There’s a great passage in “QB VII” by Leon Uris that explains what I think writers need to do:

“It came my time to speak at the banquet. I studied the tense, eager faces as I approached the rostrum. “Who here wants to be a writer?” I asked. Everyone in the room raised his hand. “Why the hell aren’t you home writing?” I said, and left the stage. That ended my career in writers’ seminars."

What do you think about the future of book publishing?

Well, there will always be a place for paper books because when you go hiking in the backwoods it’s pretty impractical to take your e-Reader with you. However, looking at how much phone usage has changed the way we communicate verbally, I have to believe that e-books will eventually have a bigger place in our personal libraries. The last five books I read were on my iPad. I can carry hundreds of them in that little thing. 

 

What book marketing techniques have been most effective for you?

Wish I had a best method. I’ve used Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, et al and have not noticed any change in sales.

Puck, Jay's copy (cat) editor hard at work

What are you working on next?

I have several books I’m working on, both are mystery/adventure style books and follow-ups to my “Tax Break,” which is about a man who planted a bomb at the IRS and is chased cross-country by the Feds and an Austin cop. I'll also continue to blog to keep honing my short-form writing (well, and to get my opinion out in the world). 

 

 

Ahhh, James Thurber

We at The Thurber Brigade apologize if this blog seems like a cop-out, similar to the great rerun blog. There were plenty of clever ideas for a blog this month, but I decided that this interview includes several witty ideas, and because I wanted it included with The Brigade writings, decided to forge ahead. We at The Brigade promise to come up with some pointed blog about relationships or "The War Between Men and Women" real soon. Maybe.

 

Trump is Insane

Some people will say that Donald Trump’s weird speeches are just the result of his age. The Main Stream Media (MSM) helps back them up by cleaning up his speeches. Editing out the parts that make him look like, well, like an idiot.

However, if you check in with smaller political news outlets, who don’t let him get away with freaky statements, you will have to conclude that Trump is insane.

He just says whatever pops into his mind, whether it makes sense or not.

Now the more polite commentators might suggest that he has a “touch” of dementia, but you can find a number of anonymous medical people who will claim it’s worse than it appears.

So just like a blog from a few years ago that pointed out many of his outrageous/illegal/immoral antics, The Thurber Brigade decided to remind everyone about his ludicrous statements. Here are a collection of memes from over the years of his frequent malapropisms and incoherent statements.

Yes, he really said all of these. They are not edited.

What?

WTF?

Huh?

Excuse me"

Did you just say that?

What was that?

Um, what?

I didn't quite get that.

Pardon me?

Whew. Well, there are a ton more, but we at The Thurber Brigade can only take so much without risking some sort of mental calamity. He's incoherent. He's unfocused. He's dumbfoundedly, um, dumb. He is insane.

If this isn't enough to convince you that we don't want an insane man in the White House, remember he is also a con man, liar, adulterer, sexual abuser, fraud, bad businessman, well, just a horrible human. For God's sake, don't vote for him in 2024.

Ahhh, James Thurber

We at The Thurber Brigade apologize for once again having this political side step. We want to talk about fashion difference of the sexes, relationship communication snafus or silly things that we do in the name of love, but we can't just stand by and let people forget what a loser this guy is/was. So next time we'll get back to the War Between Men and Women (relationships). Maybe.

The Thurber Brigade's Annual Story of Christmas

A bright star shone above the Earth and three wise men followed it to their destination.  They came a long way because of the knowledge they had of the events.  

They came to meet the Pope, probably around 400 C.E. 

“The pagans are enjoying Saturnalia way too much” the wise men told the Pope.  “They’re dancing, singing, giving gifts to friends, burning trees.  It’s woefully unbecoming a modern society and a threat to entice our followers to imbibe in the joyful celebration.”

“You are right,” the Pope agreed.  “We must do something to ensure that we can maintain our control.”

Pope vs. Pagan Headgear

Therefore, the Pope and his followers came up with a plan.

They began to promote a celebration of Christ (Christ-Mass) during the same time as Saturnalia.  When asked why have a celebration, they explained that it was to celebrate Christ’s birth.

The pagans were skeptical at first.  “Didn’t you say Christ was born in the spring?  Around March?”  one asked.  “I heard the Pope say he was born in August,” another chimed in helpfully.

The Pope said he had made a mistake, due to the change in the calendar system to the more modern Julian one.  Christ was indeed born in December, the Pope assured everyone.

The pagans still didn’t like it.

Join the "Vikings" (on History Channel) as they light the Yule Log

“Saturnalia is fun.  We get gifts, we have this cool tree, there’s dancing and singing,” they said.

“You can still do that,” the Pope professed.  “It’s a birthday party after all, isn’t it?”

So the pagans began to celebrate both holidays, but as more and more were convinced to switch over to Christianity, Saturnalia fell out of favor.  However, those pagans who still celebrated their cherished Saturnalia swore they’d take it back.

It took longer than they expected, but slowly and surely, the pagans have regained control of their celebration.  

The pagans made their biggest push in the 1950s and 60s by adding massive parades and celebrations to the winter festival.  They also brought in more symbols from other pagans’ beliefs, such as a rotund, bearded man giving gifts, and instead of burning logs as in the days of yore, they added colorful lights to the trees they dance around.

Through the 70s and 80s they advocated for more consumerism via bigger and better gifts.  Spellbinding advertisements for big, shiny cars and glittery jewels predominate the airwaves.  “Buy more! It will prove your love,” they proclaim.

So today the pagans have taken back the holiday—but have cleverly decided to keep it under the title “Christmas.” 

The celebration keeps getting expanded too, now beginning on the Friday after Thanksgiving (Pagan Black Friday) and continuing through New Year's.  There are competitions to have the biggest tree and brightest light displays.  Children are taught that the best gifts are the most expensive and the ones hardest to acquire.  In addition, of course, there are large gatherings to sing and perform in celebration of the holiday.

It has been a subtle takeover by the pagans, but they have finally reclaimed what was theirs.  So far, the Pope has not responded.

The Thurber Brigade wishes everyone a Happy Holiday—no matter which one you celebrate!

The Thurber Brigade apologizes for using this rerun once again.  Admit it though, you are already watching a ton of reruns, from "Miracle on 34th Street" to "It's a Wonderful Life" so why not one more?  Besides, The Brigade is busy buying presents and celebrating all the holidays that enjoy drinking and so hasn't had time to come up with some snarky blog about relationships.  We promise that after the New Year (and after all the football games) we'll get back on track.  Until then, enjoy the holidays and your friends. 

 

Erotica, Porn or Smut?

If you listen to the mainstream media, you'd hear that romance is the most popular genre in fiction. However, some are finally beginning to be more honest (and maybe get over their Puritanical leanings) and admit that erotica is more popular. In fact, one publication stated it is 4,000% more popular than regular literature.

Face it, we like sex.

Although some of my books include sex between characters, I don't write erotica. However, in the past I did write some short stories that some would call Porn. The really strait-laced might call some of those stories “smut.” I enjoyed writing these, almost as much as the satirical stories I've written. Hey, I'm a guy and it's sex.

It also didn't hurt that it paid well. The majority of short stories I’ve had published were in literary magazines and they typically only paid in copies of the magazine. Porn paid even for really short stories that they could publish as letters. Yes, I used a pseudonym to author those stories, but getting acclaim wasn't the aim (like the literary ones). For a poor, struggling writer porn meant being able to buy a few more table scraps to survive on for the month.

So what is the difference between erotica, porn and smut. Well, I'd say the main difference is the audience. Here's my overly simplified definition. Erotica is female sex, porn is sex aimed at men, and smut, well, that is male sex that some might say is overly inappropriate. Notice that I did not use the typical word “dirty” in any of those definitions. Be sure and review my “dirty blog” to understand why.

So erotica would be a young woman goes to this rich man's house to interview him for a story and her heart nearly bursts when she meets him, instantly falling for him although she had previously sworn off relationships. He takes her to bed and he worships her body, caressing her gently while exciting her more until he slowly brings her to the most intense orgasm in her life. In porn, when the male takes her to bed he reveals his enormous schlong to her surprise and enjoyment and takes her with wild, savage thrusts until they fall exhausted to sleep. In smut, after the previous wild love session the man falls asleep, so she ties him to the bed and pegs him unmercifully and then rides his face for an hour before calling her lesbian friend to come over and enjoy her new found sex slave.

Well, of course, all of the above examples would have more description to play out each scene and to entice the reader to look for more by said author so they could be stimulated again on the next reading adventure. I also tamed it down so that the censors would not flag my blog and banish me to some sexless environment.

Someplace like writing blurbs for the DMV.

So which of the examples stimulated you the most? Or more likely, which one would you actually read. My guess it's based on the target audience. But who knows? There's always some crossover.

 

Ahhh, James Thurber

The Thurber Brigade apologizes if you found this blog too stimulating and steamy. We decided to go down this slippery road because, well, we like sex. Plus, there may have been some mumblings about too many political blogs and not enough about the core idea of "The War Between Men and Women" (relationships). So we thrust forward and pounded the subject to maybe tie some people back to the blog. We'll calm down next time.