The Dick Pic Blog

Sometimes we encounter creatures, events, stories or people that just don't seem to make sense.  Things like the duck-billed platypus.  Women who can't comprehend four-way stops.  The popularity of the Kardashians. How a failed businessman and blatant racist got elected president. However, one of the biggest phenomena today has to be why do men send women “dick pics?”

I've postulated, and written (Ch. 8 of SEX and the AMERICAN MALE), that if a male wanted to do something visual to impress a female, a better picture to send might be of your wallet—assuming it's a fat one.  Or, as I’ve suggested to several guys I’ve run into in bars who were hitting on females, flash them your credit card.

The logic seems baffling to me.  Does the person really think that sending a picture of their sexual organ will somehow cause the female victim to swoon?  If that is the case, the person obviously has no clue about the opposite sex.

Besides that they are clueless, there are two other possible reasons on why some men goofily send a female a dick pic.

One is that they mistakenly believe that women are like men and are stimulated easily by visual cues.  Guys get stimulated by something as slight as a peek at a woman's navel (via bare midriff). Or, they might get hot if a woman wears a dress that exposes bare shoulders. Women don't respond to visual stimuli—like the human body—as men do.  This is why we see dozens of topless joints in towns, but only one male strip joint (which goes out of business within two months).  It's why there are a zillion men's porn mags/web sites, but a handful of female ones.

Oh sure, women put on a good act sometimes, such as at bachelorette parties, but the evidence is quite conclusive.  They're more stimulated by the dreamy/romantic mental image of a man than the actual sight of one.  You know, the old knight on a white horse swooping in to pick up the damsel in distress motif.  They don't want to see his body parts, they just want the fantasy. 

The second reason for men assaulting women with images of their “members” is something I’ve blogged about several times.  Some men are good at interactions with females while hunting, you know, casting pick-up lines, some are not so good.  In other words, the guys who have more success picking up women know better, the others, well, they're still in the Neanderthal stage.  The guys you see on the street who whistle or make rude remarks to passing females probably have an iPhone full of pictures of their “Johnson,” or “thrill drill” (among other funny names).

By no means do I believe that this is normal behavior.  However, as noted above, I do think it’s explainable.  Face it, men have been doing weird things due to females for centuries.  From starting a war over Helen of Troy, to buying an expensive car to impress an ex-girlfriend, we guys have an endless array of goofy behaviors.  This one just seems a little more off-kilter since it’s so, um, personal.

Oh, and just in case you wondered, no, I’ve never sent a dick pic.  However, I do distinctly remember sending a picture of someone (not me) giving the finger.  Yeah, it may have been to an ex-girlfriend.  Oops.

WARNING: The Thurber Brigade is about to publish one of the most vile, disgusting Dick Pics ever.  For the weak of heart and those who get offended easily, we suggest you look away now:

Dick Cheney

(How this Dick isn’t in prison for treason for outing a CIA agent or for war profiteering, we do not know.)