Signs, Signs...Can't you read the signs?

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South by Southwest (SxSW) has got to be one of my favorite events here in Austin. Thousands of bands at dozens of venues along with 100,000 of your closest friends. What's not to like. So at the most recent version I was hanging out at B.D. Riley's  when a typical occurrence happened in the on going War Between Men and Women (ahem, note the name of this blog).

I was standing at the back of the open area in front of the stage, the usual location for me. It gives me a good view of the band and is usually not that crowded so I don't have to worry about a random elbow. 

The next thing I know a cute female strolls up and stands next to me. Mind you, there are better viewing spots available. So this seemed a little odd. Was she like me and just wanted to avoid the mad pushing near the stage? Or was she sending me a sign? I looked at her and she casually ran her hand through her hair.

Ah, surely this was a sign that she was interested. Of course, right as I was about to cast out a line, her boyfriend walked up with a drink. Typical.

You see, women are notorious for sending out false signs, and just as notorious for wondering why we guys never can get their signals.

A few years ago there was a report about how men are worse at recognizing signs then women. I think this is because we've been bombarded by so many fake ones, that we no longer can distinguish a valid one from a fake.

For example, in the scene mentioned above I told how the female ran her hand through her hair. 

According to some "experts" on visual cues, this is a sign that a female is attracted to you. But time after time we guys discover this is seldom the case. It's more likely a female purposely misleading a male, or else she's oblivious to the message she is sending.

Also, the sign of moving close to someone is way too confusing. Sure, it's a little obvious when the place is nearly empty, but it's much more bewildering when there's a crowd. I remember numerous times when a female would stand near me and even move with me when the crowd shifted. 

 But on almost every occasion, after throwing a line, she would move away hurriedly. Oh, it could have been a lousy line, but it happens too often to be anything more than women sending mixed messages.

In the past I was crazy about hitting the nightclubs to hit the floor (dance) with whatever female was in the same mood. However, I've all but given that up due to one night at the old Continental Club . Not the current hip one, the previous one when it was darker and cooler. Anyway, on that night I asked 10 different females to dance.

 Not a one would join me. Most gave the signal that they wanted to dance. You know, like tapping their toes to the tune, dancing in place just off the floor. You've seen them. 

But they were false signs. Ever since that day I laugh when I hear the Cindy Lauper song, "Girls just want to have fun."  Yeah, right. That is why all those females acted like I was asking for a deep commitment, or maybe thought I was the Boston Strangler. It probably wouldn't have bothered me so much if they hadn't been sending those false signs.

The fake sign that bothers me the most though, is the one where you think the woman is ready to do the horizontal dance. 

For example, your date suddenly starts to exude compassion. She rubs your arm, squeezes your hand gently kisses you on the cheek or runs her hand through your hair. Well, in my case it usually is rub my head. But you've seen those signs. So when you slowly begin to unbutton here blouse and she grabs your hand to stop you, you know that once again you were the victim of the female mixed message sign.

So we guys will undoubtedly keep trying to decipher the signals we're getting. After all, our brains are constantly thinking of sex (not every seven seconds, but a lot)so we have to keep trying. But understand that if we sometimes act crazy, it's largely because we've been driven there by females planting those deceptive signs in the road to relationships.

Even I can get this sign

(Images courtesy http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/)