Gas it Up

Way back in my second year at Texas Tech I decided to go to a hockey game. I’ve been a hockey nut since childhood, but usually the only way to get my fix was to listen to it on the radio or if lucky, catch the rare game on TV on a Sunday afternoon.

However, I discovered that there was a hockey team in Albuquerque called the Six Guns. I also got lucky in that they had a game scheduled for Saturday night. This meant I could leave my dorm early that day and drive there in time for the game.

So, I took off in my ’62 VW Bug and made it to the game in plenty of time. Yes, it was a great time and I even think they won. I spent the night sleeping on the green of a local golf club waking to discover a light touch of snow now covered me and my sleeping bag. I shook off the snow and since I had filled up the gas tank the night before, immediately headed back to Lubbock.

This was the real adventure of the trip. You see, this was right when the Arab Oil Embargo had been sprung on us. For those too young to know about this, it was a time of very limited gasoline. Some stations limited how much you could buy, and most closed on Sundays. That’s right, the challenge was could I get from Albuquerque to Lubbock on one tank of gas?

It was scary. I passed all those stations with the closed sign and kept wondering if I was doomed to run out and be stranded. I stopped several times at rest areas and just said “screw it, I’ll sleep in the car and try tomorrow.” But after a few minutes I’d tell myself to push on and try because with my border line grades, missing classes wasn’t a good idea. When it got dark I pulled over once again. I was close to Lubbock, but still easily an hour away. I didn’t think I’d make it, so pulled out my sleeping bag, jumped into the back seat and decided to wait it out.

 

Even in the sleeping bag, I felt pretty cold. Could see my breath. After an hour, my courage came back and I decided to go for it. I told myself that worse case scenario I’d run out just on the outskirts of the city and could walk or hitchhike the remainder.

 

I made it.

 

My guess is that old VW must have been getting 35 MPGs or maybe better. Maybe I coasted downhill in enough spots that it extended my trip. No matter what, I felt it was a major triumph and it taught me a powerful lesson that I still have today:  MPGs is one of the biggest factors in buying a car.

I think many of us Americans realized that during the embargo. We didn’t want to be held hostage by the Arab world ever again and would pursue vehicles that could go further on a tank of gas.

To this day, that is still a major factor for me when car shopping. Now it has also become important due to climate change concerns. I believed it was so important that I made that a focus of one chapter in my book “Sex and the American Male.” The main character visits a car lot and mentions MPGs and the dealer wonders if he’s a communist and begins a long patriotic speech about gas guzzlers and America.

Sadly, I believe most Americans haven’t taken this to heart.  When high gas prices happen, Americans rush out to buy fuel efficient cars. Back in 2010 to 2014 when gas prices went through the roof, there were many who said that it meant the end of those gas guzzling SUVs. However, after prices went down again, Americans went back to their old habits. In fact, it seems to me there are even more gigantic, four-wheel boats out on our byways than before.

 

It’s like Americans have a terminal case of short term memory. As a sidebar to this, I believe Americans like humongous cars because, well, the majority of them have humongous butts. America is one of the fattest countries in the world, and so it seems our choice in cars matches that waistline sprawl.

Although I don’t like paying more at the pump, I often think it’s a good thing when gas prices go up as maybe this time, maybe, Americans will get it and start thinking seriously about the environment, our health and MPGs. Yeah, I’m not holding my breath.

Ahh, James Thurber

The Nail in the Road Theory

Only a few short months ago I learned I had a slow leak in one of my car's tires. I used the usual tire fix in a can, but it only held a few days. When I took it in to have the tire fixed ($10) we discovered there was a nail in the tread.

In the old days, I would have ranted about drug addled, crazy teenagers driving around and throwing out nails and screws—along with empty beer bottles. However, except for the last item, I have come to realize they are not to blame.

It's carpenters, construction workers, handymen, etc.

Here's how all those screws, nails and bolts end up in the street—and eventually in our tires. All those handymen and such drive around in pickup trucks, both for the job and to impress the females. Most Don’t drive the high-end trucks with all the fancy accouterments. They drive old beaters with dents, cracks and chipped paint. 

So, at the end of the day, they don't have an expensive, lockable storage compartment in which to throw their tools and equipment. They just toss the stuff into the bed and drive on.  This includes boxes of nails and screws. 

These boxes are probably closed and lain next to the man's other gear with little thought about repercussions and consequences. So, as he's driving along he hits a pothole. Everything in the bed raises an inch in the air and lands back down in it’s previous spot with nothing more than a loud bang. However, the lid of the nail box has loosened. 

On the next bump, the lid flies open. The next bump sees one or two nails fly out onto the bed. Then driving over rough pavement, not even a pothole, the vibration carries the nails down the length of the bed. They will then find a hole in the bed, either a natural one designed to let water out, or one from rust and wear. If there are no holes, the nails make it down to the end of the bed to the tailgate.  Normally, they’d be stopped by it, but it's an old truck and the fit isn’t as tight as in the early years.

In the end, the nails, screws or whatever find their way out of an opening and down onto the street. Just waiting for the next driver to come along and pick them up. In their tires.

And so that is the way all those nails, tacks, screws and whatever find their way onto our roads. Not because of some crazed youth out for a night of adventure. No, they are there thanks to that handyman you hired to fix some problem in your home. 

Remember this the next time you pass one of those old pickups. Be sure and shake your fist and cuss them out for all the mayhem (and cost) they've brought to your life. I'm sure they'll understand.

My Dad warning me not to ever put nails in the back of my Datsun pickup.

 

 

Macho Man

It permeates society from advertising to driving. It causes wars but also discoveries. It leads to conflict but also acts of bravery. Machismo. The scourge and also blessing of all men.

All males feel the need to be macho. Some of us only need to display it occasionally, some view it as a required constant lifestyle. We can't help it, it's partly due to testosterone, partly due to upbringing.

If someone pushes you or calls you a name, your testosterone kicks it up a notch and you respond. When you were a kid and you tripped rounding first base and smashed your nose and you began to cry, your coach would extol you to be a man and get up and keep going.

Oh, I should point out that this only relates to the majority of us guys, not “the other team” (clever Seinfeld reference) since I don't play for them and don’t know their macho status. "Not that there's anything wrong with that."

Macho is observed in many forms and styles as well as degree.

You see it a lot while out driving. Of course road rage is an obvious and extreme extension, but there are other indicators. For example, I notice it all the time when I attempt to pass someone who's going slow only to discover he's sped up as soon as I make my move. Similar to that, is the driver who wants to get into your lane but wants to do it in front of you, not behind. Even if there is no traffic behind you, the guy will smash the pedal to the metal to get ahead of you.

I admit to my own displays of macho. Although I have no problem merging behind someone in traffic, I’ll be damned if I let a guy in if it looks to me like he's trying to jump in line because he didn't want to wait. Such as when the right lane is obviously closed ahead but instead of getting in the long line to left, this guy speeds ahead and darts into the lane further ahead. Macho.

I display my machoness by wearing clothes that I think are manly, albeit not fashionable. Yeah, you'll find an array of flannel shirts in my closet.

As you might expect, we guys get macho around women. There are the super macho guys who'll get in a fight over a woman (not me) to the guys who will stand around trying to look macho (yeah, that's me with a hand in his pocket while holding a drink, leaning against a wall disinterested in life. Subtle, right?).
   
So there are all sorts of different machismo that you may encounter in us guys. I should point out that I blogged about a similar phenomenon in our aggressive competitiveness, which is a little bit different. No matter the variety though, if it offends you or is something you don't appreciate just ignore the guy or move farther away. However, don't verbally confront him, his machoness may kick into high gear and then who knows?

 Ah, James Thurber (who was macho)

Police Reform—Part I

 

The days when you could stroll down your neighborhood street and smile and wave to that friendly Sheriff Andy Taylor have long passed. Society has changed much from those simpler times. However, although society has adjusted to a changing world, most police departments still cling to the beliefs, ideals and policies more appropriate for the 1950s.

The result of this lack of change in police culture (their weapons have changed) has resulted in a growing trend of violence toward average citizens. Because of better methods of recording events it may seem like this behavior is new, but it has been going on for some time. In the 1990s, I began work on a book about police violence and corruption, but abandoned the project when I couldn’t find a publisher. To read the article the research generated visit Dead Men Tell No Tales.

Therefore, the following is Part I of how to enhance our police departments and make them not only more efficient, but also make them a welcome part of the community rather than a feared enforcement army.

Traffic Tower-1920 (source: National Museum of American History)

Part I—Remove traffic enforcement from police departments

Imagine you are a young inspired person who wants to help protect society from those who might wish to do it harm. You go through a month-long (or longer) regimen of training and hit the streets as a newly minted crime fighter. The first evil villain to cross your path? An elderly woman with a burned out tail light.

That’s right, you must spend the bulk of your time enforcing rules about cars. We don’t send the police out to arrest a person who has a tree in their yard that is about to fall on a neighbor's house; we don’t send police to nab a butcher who sells moldy hamburger; we don’t call out a swat team to track down an owner of a business that has a gas leak that fouls the drinking water. We do send police to fine someone who has a problem with his/her car and send other city agencies for those other offenders.

Historically, police got handed traffic enforcement because cities either didn’t know who to give the responsibility to or didn’t want to spend the money to make a department that handled only that part of the law.

Did you know that although New York began registering some cars as early as 1901, it wasn’t until around 1935 that a majority of the states required driver’s licenses?  Often, you could get a license without taking a test. For example, in California they required a license beginning in 1913, but didn’t require a test for it until 1927. Connecticut enacted first speed limit in 1901, but many states didn’t have a limit until the 1930s. In other words, traffic enforcement didn't become standardized until later.

No one really knew for sure what to do with this new problem that cropped up: increased car traffic. So they gave the job to the people with nightsticks who really only wanted to go after murderers, bank robbers or other violent types.

The problem with police traffic stops is that people perceive them as threatening. For example, recent television ads in Texas show people freaking out when they notice the police in the rear view mirror.

Sure, it's upsetting to get a ticket since it costs money, but when that ticket comes from someone who is wearing a Gestopo-style black uniform and armed to the teeth, well, it makes the situation very tense.

So the way to improve this situation is to establish a city department that handles only traffic enforcement and allow police departments to handle real crime (Police Reform—Part II)

The name of this department could be anything from “Traffic Enforcement” to “Department of Transportation Control.” Anything except something with the word “police” in the title. The idea would be to strongly differentiate the two and to make this department as non-threatening as possible. Although enforcing the rules will result in a cost to the person who violates them, the attitude citizens should have toward the people doing this work should be similar to a meter reader who can cause your electric bill to go up.

Below are some points of consideration about this new department.

Ideas for the new Traffic Enforcement Department

• The uniforms should be non-threatening. No weapons; maybe polo shirts instead of starched, black button-downs; a color that stands out so it is easier for the public to find them in a crowd in case they are needed; equipment to carry includes an iPad or some handheld device to record violations and take pictures--but no weapons.

• They would log the violation into a database that would mail a notice to the violator. They could give a ticket to the actual person driving, but it’s only as a courtesy and only if it can be done in a non-threatening manner. The owner of the vehicle still gets a mail notice.

 Handheld device for tickets

• This brings up an important point too. The “ticket” is always assigned to the owner of the vehicle. In other words if Dad lets his favorite son drive the car to the prom, if the son runs a red light, Dad will have to pay for the violation. This will make reporting car thefts all the more important. If the traffic enforcer (TE) discovers the car has been reported stolen, then the TE calls the police to give the information. Because the ticket is given to the owner, the person does not need to present ID because the TE already knows the owner's name (it is called vehicle registration).

• No-chase policy for speeders. Ticket does not need to be given if the TE is worried about confrontation. If not given in person, the mail notice is still utilized. The violator would be logged in and a phone message would go to the speeder IMMEDIATELY warning them to stop as well as notice of violation. If driver is discovered still speeding at a further point (first contact would warn next TE further ahead) a second violation logged and the TE would go to the car owner's address and find out if there was a reason for this violation (needed to go to hospital, etc.). If not, the car will be “booted” until the traffic violation is paid. To help promote safety have a way for citizens to report speeders anonymously. This notice would alert a TE who would try to verify it (i.e. go to a spot ahead of speeder) and then log in violation. The payment for speeding violations is different than others (see below) as this violation may be a bigger threat to safety of other motorists. It should be noted that if police are chasing someone (bank robber, etc.) it should be reported so that the TE could assist in reporting locations (but not chasing).

• Traffic violations would be added on to the county tax bill for vehicle registration. In other words, the person doesn't have to pay right away, but can in order to keep future bill down.

• No warrant for nonpayment. Many cities have been resorting to a form of debtor's prison concept to get outstanding violations. This country was founded by people who wanted to get away from that odious concept, so we need to avoid it completely.

• The way around the above is this: when the tax bill is due, if the person involved can’t make any payment (there should be a way to have partial payments) the car is booted. If after a set time (two months, etc.) the car is impounded. After six months car is sold for payment. During this time the owner’s license is also suspended.

• Somehow, this bill should follow the person. i.e. if the person moves to another state that state will collect it. Maybe get a percentage.

• The only time police are called into action are cases where it is determined the driving might cause public harm. It should be a joint effort between TE and police to try and de-escalate situation. For example if they discover a drunk driver, car is booted until fine is paid, driver taken home, include mandatory AA-type class.

• Drivers may appeal a violation by going before a panel. The panel would be comprised of half city employees (traffic enforcement administrators, not TE who give out tickets) and half volunteer citizens. These citizens would have to meet certain standards such as be a city taxpayer, no outstanding tickets, etc.).

• Two biggest factors in all of this are that police are not involved and it needs to be a non-threatening service. This is a big change so there would need to be some form of transition plan, such as the police could ride along at beginning of this transition, sort of as backup, but would not approach vehicle.

• Too many cities see tickets as a revenue stream, but claim these tickets are all about public safety. Traffic enforcement needs to really be about safety and if city needs more revenue, they need to seek it other ways that are less threatening and punishing.

Summation

This part of Police Reform would be a major step and would not only change the structure of the department, but would also change the attitude and behavior of those involved. To many people—both police and civilians—traffic violations seem like a major offense. Because of this we see police pull speeders out of cars and beat them, we also see civilians attack police during a traffic stop. If we change the nature of traffic enforcement it would reduce and eventually eliminate these types of confrontations. Making this change would allow police to do the job they thought they were hired to do: fight real crime.

Part II will explore the next step in police reform, including whom we hire to police us as well as the way the police should function as a crime unit.

 Ahhh, James Thurber

This isn't a usual Thurber Brigade sidestep.  Although definitely not a relationship-related blog, this article is not included because of some big issue that loomed (ie another mass shooting).  This has been published because this article appeared as a HUB Page for years, but they decided it didn't have enough readers to keep active.  I thought it an important enough issue that it should still be floating around the internet.  Police Reform— PART II still shows up as a HUB page and I encourage you to read it as it's pretty controversial (disarm half the police? Yeah, it is).  Eventually, you may see it too at The Thurber Brigade.

Less Than Conventional

There's nothing more amusing than walking down The Drag here in Austin, Texas to see what the University kids believe to be the next cool "thing." 

When I first got to town I remember two-foot high spiked hair, which morphed into skinhead mosh-pitters, which in turn became flannel-shirted, stocking-hat grungers, who became nose-studded, inked hipsters who became, well, I haven't figured out what look today's men get to be.

For the cool, it's important to be different and some would say unconventional.  However, I take exception to the latter because I strive to be unconventional and I'm nothing like those cool folks.

I never got a tattoo. I never did anything to my hair in order to be different (although if you've seen my picture, you know I'd be willing to do that just to have hair). I didn't wear jeans with a hole in the knee to be cool—I wore jeans with a hole in the knee because I would do work that wore out the knees in my jeans.

I guess it’s because I believe being unconventional has more to do with behavior rather than appearance.  I attempt not to act the way society may expect me to act.  You know, things like get out of school and buy a nice car, invest in a house, get married and have 2.5 kids.  Instead I kept driving my beat up old car, I didn’t want to be known as a landowner, so lived in apartments until I finally felt backed into a corner and bought a house (it’s a looonnng story) and my relationships…Well, you’ve seen this blog and know that I’ve been less than conventional in relationships and so remain single.

It all began decades ago while a teenager.  I had a good friend named Phil Johnson who developed cancer after my family had moved away.  We kept in close contact via mail (it was long before anything like the internet. No, not the Stone Age. Jeez) so I knew of his struggles, including the loss of one of his legs.  So my family traveled from El Paso back to Topeka to go to his brother’s wedding.

When we got to the church, our first time to see each other, he was at the top of the stairs with his family, I was down at the door with mine.  He was so excited to see me that he yelled my name.  I looked up at the smiling face of my young friend and fought the urge to run up the steps to greet him.  Instead, I did as I was programmed and stayed at the bottom of the stairs in the receiving line with my family.  Heaven forbid I do something out of the norm that the conventional folks of Kansas (and my family) would think was out of line.

Oh, we had a nice reunion when my family finally made it to the top.  He was still happy to see me, but that image of his smiling face looking down at me while I stayed motionless haunted me.  Especially when he died from that cancer a few short years later.

That conventionality, that formality, burned into my thoughts.  I vowed to never let formality or being conventional interfere with the important moments in life.

I remember at my high school graduation a cousin shouted out as I walked across the stage “he’s got tennis shoes on!” I think I was the only one who didn’t wear formal shoes and attire.  I didn’t mind the public abuse.  I felt comfortable.

(Jay working graduation. Nope, wouldn't wear a suit)

My parents always insisted that my brother and I wear a suit and tie to Sunday church services yet all during high school I somehow managed to get away with just a sweater and open neck. One time I needed to borrow a black suit jacket from someone so I could go to a funeral of a relative.  For about 20 years the only time I would wear a tie was when I had to work the graduation ceremony as part of my advising duties.  So in that 20 years I only wore a tie twice a year (spring and fall graduation).

Yes, it's Jay's VW & Datsun, circa 80s

When everyone else would buy a new car every other year because they wanted to stay in style, I would hold on to my old car or truck for ten years no matter its’ looks.  If I did buy a different car/truck, it would be used, usually with dents and ugly paint job, and the main feature had to be good MPG’s—which is a popular trend today, but I’ll keep that habit no matter.

This latter habit didn’t help relationships with females.  As noted in previous blogs, while men may be superficial in how a woman looks, women want a man who has a fancy car (in other words, money).

My desire to avoid formality and the conventional affected relationships in other ways.  For example, I actually wanted women to make choices, not to let me make all the decisions. Oh, sure, as you may have noted in my routine blog I can get set in my ways, but I like trying different things, I'm almost always looking for different experiences.

So often I'd call a girlfriend up and ask her what she wanted to do and she'd get flustered and insist I decide. It could be that it was early in the relationship and she hadn't committed yet (yeah, I blogged about that too) and so didn't want to make a mistake. But surely with all the females around wanting equal rights you'd think I'd find a few willing to express themselves on a social level.  Most guys, the macho types anyway, probably insist or want to be the decider.  I wanted to hear something from her.

So no, you may never see me inked or with purple hair.  I may not wear a tie or fancy clothes to your formal event.  You will definitely never see me with a ring in my nose.  However, there's a good chance that I will not act the way you expect. I may even do something just to get a reaction from you.  Forgive me, it's just me doing my best not to be conventional.

Ahhh, James Thurber

A Colorful Blog

The above color is greenish.  Women will tell you it’s teal.

Years ago, while taking a class on magazine design, I worked on a group project to redesign a nonprofit organization's magazine.  The group consisted of two females and myself.  I was a wizard at Pagemaker and design techniques, but the two women had an eye for color schemes. So we made a pretty good team.  Occasionally I would throw out ideas about what I thought would be a good color, but they always outvoted me and chose something else. 

To be honest, I didn't mind as I was more focused on getting a good grade then worrying about petty fights. So as long as they trusted me with putting the whole thing together, I sure didn't mind their saying what some sidebar box should look like. It became really clear to me during this project the difference between men and women  on topics such as color.

 For example, they came in one day and said the masthead box should be "taupe." At first, I assumed this meant it should be some strange dimension or shape that I had never heard about.  When I inquired, they both laughed a little and I swear glanced quickly at each other and said "men" under their breaths. There was a loud air conditioner going off so maybe I imagined that.  Of course, it turned out to be a name of a color that is brownish-gray according to the dictionary (from the French word of mole, so mole colored). When they showed me the color, I pretty much said that. 

"Oh, an off shade of brown."

They just smiled to themselves and we continued working.  The difference is that us guys invariably will go the easy route on things like this and say something is just a straight color (brownish) while women will give it a specific name.

It may be because of how we have different ideas about what is important.  Women have a million shades of red for the lipstick they wear, most likely with a name for each. We guys will just say it's reddish.  Now something really important, such as the lineup of the 1968 World Series champion Detroit Tigers, well, that I still remember.

Let's see, Al Kaline was in right, Norm Cash at first, Bill Freehan behind the plate...well you get it. Men have different ideas of what is important and will be exacting in those areas, women have different priorities.

So if your wife tells you to go buy yourself a white shirt for work, you'll come back with one that she claims is actually "egg shell."  What concerned you was the price and neck size.

Another possibility for this difference might be because guys like simplification. We strive to simplify things in our lives and save our sweat for the more difficult endeavors.  For example, if your girlfriend says the color of her car is beige you'll go along with that because it simplifies your existence with her.  However, if she says the engine in that car is making funny noises, you will want to know the specific tone, vibration and location of that noise so you can figure out what needs to be fixed. 

Likewise, when we get dressed for an evening out, a woman will spend  an hour trying to make sure the shade of green in her blouse will work perfectly with the shade of gray she plans for her skirt.  We guys will just pick a shirt/pants combo we think will make us look even more manly. Simple.

Just as men and women have a difference in vision (as mentioned in an earlier blog), as well as the meaning of something, picking colors will continue to be something men and women never see as just black and white.

This color is "olive drab."  For some reason, I knew that one.