Bizarro World Politics

Dateline Portland, Oregon—Today marks the 60th political rally for President Bernie Clinton. Many pundits have chastised him for spending the other 10 days he's been in office in his bowling alley in Florida, but his staffers have assured the media that the majority of his time is spent in Executive Time. Executive Time has not been explained, but many believe he spends it listening to “Prairie Home Companion” on the radio.

As usual, the president began his rally by attacking his former opponent, Donald McConnell, who mysteriously disappeared from the planet after the election.  This hasn't seemed to bother or dissuade the president from his attacks.

“Dastardly Donnie should be held accountable for his use of an illegal Facebook account. Yet the FBI refuses to take action,” Clinton declared at his rally.

“Fire him up!  Fire him up!” He zealous supporters chanted.

“The totally balanced Mole News network nit picks every minute detail of my life and gives people the impression that I am unstable.  They are completely distorted in their microscopic reports!” Clinton charged.

“Distorted news! “Distorted News,” his adherents vocalized.

Earlier in the day a fire engulfed a bank that only allowed millionaires to utilize their services. The suspected arsonist was apprehended shortly afterwards and investigators discovered he was a  rabid adherent to President BC's ideology. His electric car was plastered with pro-BC bumper stickers. Asked about it at a news conference the president stated that he did not condone fire, but also said that the use of water from McConnell's followers was equally bad.

Who's Tom Tomorrow?

 

Many critics of the president have stated they believe that his inflammatory rhetoric at his political rallies incited people to use fire recklessly. When grilled about his fire euphemisms at rallies, he stated that the media needed to focus on real news and also said he believed that their reporting was what caused rampant arsonism.

The president plans several more rallies before next week's election, and will include the famous Soros Brothers Fire twirlers as well as the Pelosi Flame magicians.  



 

 Ahhh, James Thurber

The Thurber Brigade once again apologizes for this side step into bizarro politics, but considering the recent violent events that have inflamed the nation, decided the only recourse was a little sarcasm and satire. We promise to get back to The War Between Men and Women (relationships) next time. Maybe.