Bizarro World Politics

Dateline Portland, Oregon—Today marks the 60th political rally for President Bernie Clinton. Many pundits have chastised him for spending the other 10 days he's been in office in his bowling alley in Florida, but his staffers have assured the media that the majority of his time is spent in Executive Time. Executive Time has not been explained, but many believe he spends it listening to “Prairie Home Companion” on the radio.

As usual, the president began his rally by attacking his former opponent, Donald McConnell, who mysteriously disappeared from the planet after the election.  This hasn't seemed to bother or dissuade the president from his attacks.

“Dastardly Donnie should be held accountable for his use of an illegal Facebook account. Yet the FBI refuses to take action,” Clinton declared at his rally.

“Fire him up!  Fire him up!” He zealous supporters chanted.

“The totally balanced Mole News network nit picks every minute detail of my life and gives people the impression that I am unstable.  They are completely distorted in their microscopic reports!” Clinton charged.

“Distorted news! “Distorted News,” his adherents vocalized.

Earlier in the day a fire engulfed a bank that only allowed millionaires to utilize their services. The suspected arsonist was apprehended shortly afterwards and investigators discovered he was a  rabid adherent to President BC's ideology. His electric car was plastered with pro-BC bumper stickers. Asked about it at a news conference the president stated that he did not condone fire, but also said that the use of water from McConnell's followers was equally bad.

Who's Tom Tomorrow?

 

Many critics of the president have stated they believe that his inflammatory rhetoric at his political rallies incited people to use fire recklessly. When grilled about his fire euphemisms at rallies, he stated that the media needed to focus on real news and also said he believed that their reporting was what caused rampant arsonism.

The president plans several more rallies before next week's election, and will include the famous Soros Brothers Fire twirlers as well as the Pelosi Flame magicians.  



 

 Ahhh, James Thurber

The Thurber Brigade once again apologizes for this side step into bizarro politics, but considering the recent violent events that have inflamed the nation, decided the only recourse was a little sarcasm and satire. We promise to get back to The War Between Men and Women (relationships) next time. Maybe.
 

No Tweets

As much as Trump criticizes the press, there's no doubt that they made him what he is.  They made him president.

He spent very little money during primary season. The reason: the mainstream news gave him 24/7 coverage.  I remember working out at the gym in front of a bank of TVs and all the news channels were waiting breathlessly as his plane pulled up to some rally. It didn’t seem to matter that he was last in the polls and no one thought much of him as a candidate, they still gave him unprecedented coverage.

I don’t remember any previous election in which a person got so much free attention. As he got more coverage, his name became better known with voters and he garnered more attention. This helped move him up against a big bunch of other pols who didn’t get anywhere near the coverage. We now live with the end result of this unrelenting coverage.

And the media continues this assault on viewers mental faculties by endlessly reporting on his tweets.  It doesn't matter that they are inane, have many misspellings or defame someone, the media happily reports them as if they were bona fide news.

They are not. 

They are also not official policy.

They are not legal documents nor government announcements.

However, they are often inflammatory. They more often than not are lies.  They also are misogynistic and racist on many occasions. They give him an outlet to make outrageous statements.  They allow him to blow off steam in a public manner. They provide him another avenue to disparage the very media who report on the tweets. And worse of all, these tweets promote him but not policy.

So the media need to stop covering these tweets.  Don't mention them, allude to them, nor give them any coverage at all. 

Oh sure, the Republican news network, also called Fox News, would still report them, but that network broadcasts to his hardcore followers anyway.  People who want real news filled with facts do not watch the American version of Pravda.

If the media stopped covering these infantile musings they might actually force him to begin to make official statements like normal presidents have in the past.  He might have to actually hold news conferences in which it would be harder (but not impossible) for him to get away with untruths.

A bigger incentive might be to not give him an outlet to blast the media that he criticizes but desperately craves.  Don't give in to his addiction for attention.

It would be a start.  A start for maybe getting him to behave like an adult, er, President.

The next logical step would be to stop covering his pep rallies disguised as campaign events. He's going to attack the press while there anyway, why cover it?  He always says the same things.  So just send an intern to listen to see if he says anything new, and if he does, don't roll the tape, just briefly mention it. 

There is no reason to keep giving him all this free publicity when he's not saying anything of importance.

So media, stop feeding this narcissistic man's ego and giving him free PR.  The majority of Americans (remember, he lost the popular vote by the largest margin of anyone who claimed the White House) will thank you for the silence.

The Thurber Brigade once again apologizes for taking another sidestep and straying from the ongoing War Between Men and Women (relationships). However, this incessant tweeting by The Orange One and the media coverage has driven us crazy.  So although the concept of the news media ignoring him is not new, we hope that if enough voices complain, maybe we'll stop getting deluged by this crazy and useless bilge emanating from the guy. Sadly, we also know that the media loves attention just as much as him. Sigh. 

 

What if?

What if the Main Stream Media (MSM) reported police deaths similar to when a civilian gets shot by police?

AUSTIN—A civilian shot and killed a police officer today after a brief encounter near his house.  John Doe had been walking on Main Street when suddenly a policeman grabbed his arm and began yelling at him. Doe attempted to talk calmly to the police officer, but the policeman quickly pulled out a gun and pointed it at Doe.  Doe then pulled out his own service revolver and shot the incoherent policeman.

 John Doe               Officer Mack Johnson

The policeman, identified as Officer Mack Johnson, had been reprimanded a number of times by his boss and had on his record several past domestic disputes with his wife.  It is also reported that he walked a number of meal tickets at local restaurants and had been seen numerous times hanging around a local high school near a large group of young girls.

Several neighbors tried to console Doe after the shooting and eventually called EMS to aid Officer Johnson who died on the way to the hospital.

Social media has been livid about the incident.  Numerous popular organizations tweeted their support of Doe:

Doe, married and the father of three children works at the Good Samaritan cafeteria. Workers describe him as a friendly, caring man with an impeccable work history.

Ruth Bender witnessed the shooting.  "The man (Doe) was just walking along minding his business and this police officer ran up and began babbling obscenities at him.  Next thing I know the cop had a gun out and was waving it around wildly.  I feared for my life, but luckily the other man also had a gun and defended himself and the neighborhood. Who knows whether any kids could have been hurt if he had not acted?"

The police department expressed its concern about the confrontation and Doe's uncle, Bradly Doe, promised to launch an investigation into the incident and assures the public he will report the findings in a timely, transparent manner. After a preliminary inspection of Officer Johnson's house, Bradly Doe stated he found numerous large caliber weapons, vests, military and gun publications as well as materials that could be used to manufacture explosive devices (fertilizer, bleach).

John Doe has been temporarily suspended by the Samaritan and will take a paid vacation until the investigation is completed.

The Thurber Brigade again regrets getting off-track by presenting another sidestep (and believe it or not, there might be one more coming up). However, this is getting ridiculous. Over 550 civilians have been killed by police so far this year (http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/ng-interactive/2015/jun/01/the-counted-police-killings-us-database#)  In the UK, only 55 civilians have been killed in 25 years!  Something has to be done. I've written a few articles about reform (http://hubpages.com/politics/Police-ReformPart-II) and until there is reform, there will be more eye-for-eye incidents and more people killed. I can't change anything because I am not a government official, but at least I can say something and maybe one day, enough other people will say something and those in power will do something. Plus, there has to be balance in news reporting.  These days the media doesn't help because they present such a biased view of the victim.  So don't just sit there and say there's nothing you can do. Say something. It's a start.