The Story of Easter: A Thurber Brigade Rerun

Around 300 CE the Cardinal ran up to the Pope while in the most agitated state.  The Pope held up his hand in a calming manner to placate the worried man.

“Calm thyself Cardinal.”

“We have a crisis your excellency!” the Cardinal exclaimed.

“What crisis?”

“The people are dancing around naked and drinking heavily all in the name of Eostre!”

“Well, we can’t have that.  I have a plan though.  Go gather the people around and I will make a declaration.”

So, the Cardinal rushed off and after getting the people clothed and somewhat sober, convinced them to go and hear what the Pope wanted to tell them. 

“People there is a new holiday you should celebrate.  It is one that commemorates the death and resurrection of Jesus.  This holiday will be heretofore known as Easter!” the Pope exclaimed.

The people mumbled amongst themselves and looked questioningly at the Pope.  “Easter?” That sounds suspiciously like our favorite time of the year when we celebrate Eostre,” one man said.

“Um, no, no, it’s not related to Eostre at all,” the Pope assured him.

Monty Python would celebrate Eostre

“It seems strange to celebrate someone’s death,” another peasant said to the Pope.  “I mean, it sounds rather bloody from the description your priests have told us in the past.”

“Yeah, and that story they tell about Jesus sure sounds a lot like the story of Inanna and Horus,” anther person shouted.  “I mean, they were killed, went to the underworld and came back.”

“No, no, those stories are just myths. This story of Jesus is real. You can trust me,” the Pope said as convincingly as he could.

“We like Eostre though,” several others chimed in.  “We get to dance and drink, we paint eggs and carry around rabbits to celebrate the new spring and virility.”

“Well, you can still have eggs and rabbits,” the Pope said. 

“Can we dance and drink too?” a man at the back asked.

“Of course you can, although I think it best to keep your clothes on,” the Pope answered.

The people furrowed their brows and wrinkled their noses.  “We’re not sure about this holiday.”

“Oh, you’ll love it,” the Pope assured them. “You’ll have a great time.”

So the people decided to celebrate both holidays.  After all, the more holidays the better.  However, slowly but surely the Pope and his successors convinced them to just celebrate Easter. With time, he also got the people to calm down more and celebrate with less enthusiasm.

The church kept the eggs and rabbits, but got the people to dispense with the dancing and drinking. A small group of pagans didn’t like this turn of events and vowed to one day return the holiday to its more spirited nature. 

Slowly but surely the old Eostre followers have been stressing the eggs and rabbits.  So today you can actually find people telling stories of big rabbits hiding chocolate eggs. They sneakily got the church to offer sunrise services which celebrate an old solar celebration. Also, the pagans convinced the Pope to base the time of Easter on the phases of the moon.  They haven’t been able to bring back the wild dancing, but have had more luck with the drinking aspect with their Easter sales at liquor stores.

So whether you follow celebrations of Horus, Inanna, Eostre/Ostara or Easter we at The Thurber Brigade wish you a pleasant holiday.

Ahhh, James Thurber

We at The Thurber Brigade apologize if this story sounds a little like our annual Christmas story.  We can't help that a certain religion co-opted several Pagan celebrations to try and win over the people. We also apologize to the serious religious types for making fun of the Pope, religion, myths, etc.  We don't regret it, nor doubt the above story has some basis in reality, but we apologize as we want you to continue to enjoy whatever holiday you celebrate. Cheers.

 

 

The Nightmare is Just Beginning

I am still depressed about how 1/3 of the U.S. put a failed businessman in office who is determined to destroy our country. 

So I couldn't concentrate to write the blog I planned (maybe about men, women and furniture). To cheer me up I'm instead posting some unflattering memes of the Orange One.

Hope this cheers you up too.

 

Whew. I feel a little better. Hope you do too. Check back next month and if I'm less distressed I'll have a real blog to post.

That's Rebel Scum to you Orange cultists

 

 

 

Signs, Signs...Can't you read the signs?

South by Southwest (SxSW) has got to be one of my favorite events here in Austin. Thousands of bands at dozens of venues along with 100,000 of your closest friends. What's not to like. So at the most recent version I was hanging out at B.D. Riley's  when a typical occurrence happened in the on going War Between Men and Women (ahem, note the name of this blog).

I was standing at the back of the open area in front of the stage, the usual location for me. It gives me a good view of the band and is usually not that crowded so I don't have to worry about a random elbow. 

The next thing I know a cute female strolls up and stands next to me. Mind you, there are better viewing spots available. So this seemed a little odd. Was she like me and just wanted to avoid the mad pushing near the stage? Or was she sending me a sign? I looked at her and she casually ran her hand through her hair.

Ah, surely this was a sign that she was interested. Of course, right as I was about to cast out a line, her boyfriend walked up with a drink. Typical.

You see, women are notorious for sending out false signs, and just as notorious for wondering why we guys never can get their signals.

A few years ago there was a report about how men are worse at recognizing signs then women. I think this is because we've been bombarded by so many fake ones, that we no longer can distinguish a valid one from a fake.

For example, in the scene mentioned above I told how the female ran her hand through her hair. 

According to some "experts" on visual cues, this is a sign that a female is attracted to you. But time after time we guys discover this is seldom the case. It's more likely a female purposely misleading a male, or else she's oblivious to the message she is sending.

Also, the sign of moving close to someone is way too confusing. Sure, it's a little obvious when the place is nearly empty, but it's much more bewildering when there's a crowd. I remember numerous times when a female would stand near me and even move with me when the crowd shifted. 

 But on almost every occasion, after throwing a line, she would move away hurriedly. Oh, it could have been a lousy line, but it happens too often to be anything more than women sending mixed messages.

In the past I was crazy about hitting the nightclubs to hit the floor (dance) with whatever female was in the same mood. However, I've all but given that up due to one night at the old Continental Club . Not the current hip one, the previous one when it was darker and cooler. Anyway, on that night I asked 10 different females to dance.

 Not a one would join me. Most gave the signal that they wanted to dance. You know, like tapping their toes to the tune, dancing in place just off the floor. You've seen them. 

But they were false signs. Ever since that day I laugh when I hear the Cindy Lauper song, "Girls just want to have fun."  Yeah, right. That is why all those females acted like I was asking for a deep commitment, or maybe thought I was the Boston Strangler. It probably wouldn't have bothered me so much if they hadn't been sending those false signs.

The fake sign that bothers me the most though, is the one where you think the woman is ready to do the horizontal dance. 

For example, your date suddenly starts to exude compassion. She rubs your arm, squeezes your hand gently kisses you on the cheek or runs her hand through your hair. Well, in my case it usually is rub my head. But you've seen those signs. So when you slowly begin to unbutton her blouse and she grabs your hand to stop you, you know that once again you were the victim of the female mixed message sign.

So we guys will undoubtedly keep trying to decipher the signals we're getting. After all, our brains are constantly thinking of sex (not every seven seconds, but a lot) so we have to keep trying. But understand that if we sometimes act crazy, it's largely because we've been driven there by females planting those deceptive signs in the road to relationships.

Even I can get this sign

Yes, it's another Thurber Brigade rerun. I had different topic to write, but didn't have the motivation for the moment as I'm still reeling from the disasterous change in the White House (I'll blog about it later I'm sure). This 2013 blog seemed relevant to me though because recently, yet again, I attempted to chat up a woman, but clearly misread the sign. She had flashed at me several of the signs I mention above, but when I took the step to talk to her, she acted like I had broken into her house, ate her pet goldfish, drank all her beer and trashed her living room while watching porn on the TV. Okay, she just turned a cold shoulder but it seemed like that. So I decided to resurrect this blog about women, who won't make first contact themselves, but who don't always let us guys know if they are interested. Next time I promise to write something more original. Maybe. 

 

 

We're Going Backwards: A trumpian rerun

 

(With the new Orange regime taking power, it seemed appropriate to rerun a blog that showed how his previous reign of terror was taking us backward.)

 

  Late on Friday nights when I’m safely home (admittedly after a few beers) I like to play music videos on the DVD player. Often they're 80s videos, some are hard rock, i.e. AC/DC (which annoys the neighbors because you have to play those loud), or sometimes just a few “chill music” vids because I need to calm down.

However, one of my favorites is Lionel Richie's “All Night Long.” Invariably though this depresses me. It reminds me how we are going backwards nowadays.

The song is about how you can be so strongly moved by something (music) that you just have to keep going. Party all night long. The dancers wear very colorful outfits, surely meant to make a subtle point, and are multi-racial. The dancing includes a wide range of styles with various mixtures of couples.

This was back in the 80s where it was slowly becoming common and acceptable to see a black man dance with a white woman, a white man tango with an Asian female, two males breakdancing together. It made it seem like things were progressing to where we could all live together in harmony.

Then Trump came along and infested the White House. 

Although we knew there were a lot of racists in our country, they at least had become reticent to express it in public. Unlike the old days where Jim Crow was normalized, racism had become a social deviation, something kept quietly amongst a person's cohort or family. Not something you could bring out in public without facing public derision.

Trump enabled racists. Emboldened them. He has tried to make it acceptable in polite society, and criticized those who challenge him as weak-wristed Libtards or overly PC elites.

Thanks to him, we see an increase in right-wing, racist organizations, demonstrators who are unafraid of public shame chanting abusive, racist slogans and public displays of offensive comments to anyone who looks foreign or of a different race than Anglo-Saxon whites. Even the Republican Party seems to have embraced the Trump vitriol and become largely the party of white males.

Although we've had problems with police interactions with civilians, as I noted in my blogs “Tips for Tourists” and “Police reform Part I & II” I don't think we've seen this level of police violence toward minorities since before the 70s. It's as if they are acting as Trump's agents of violence that he often spews at his pep, excuse me, "campaign" rallies.

I long for the days when we could dance the night away regardless of our race, religion, political affiliation or whatever.  

Sure, the video is a make-believe world, but it was a world where people lived together peacefully, where differences were immaterial, where people could dance together in harmony. A world we need to find again.

 Ahhh, James Thurber.

During the Orange One's (I hate using his name) first reign of terror, racism and hatred became more common. However, it was subtle. People still worried that if they openly expressed racist views/ideas, they'd be ostracized. As his time in office continued, it slowly became more overt, largely because people looked at him as a role model. Now, there is no restraint at all. Racism and hatred toward those who might be different is all out in the open. Because he got reelected despite his obvious flaws, people believe there will be no personal harm to them. As he dismantles any vestiges of diversity and inclusion, it will become worse. That's why it's important for those of us who see racism as evil, to not remain quiet. We need to push it back into the closet where it belongs (I think it's impossible to get rid of it completely). So this is one of my ways to try to claw society back to morality. I will continue to use my blogs and social media posts to sound the alarm. Join me.