The GOP Zombie Party

Movies and TV shows about zombies have been popular for some time now.  And why not? Who doesn’t love to see soulless, brainless creatures attempt to consume the brain or intestines of the living?  What car to buy next year, whether to mow the yard Sunday, what to cook for dinner tonight and other side issues don’t matter to zombies.  They are single-mindedly obsessed with just one purpose: consume the innards of the living.

As I examine today’s political climate, I notice a striking similarity to the Grand Old Party. The rank-and-file of the party are single-mindedly obsessed.  Their one overwhelming desire is to vote for the Republican candidate no matter what.  What that candidate stands for, his (the majority are white males) morality, his stance on issues all mean nothing to the GOP voter. What matters is the symbol “R” next to the name.

For example, most Republican officials want to dismantle Social Security.  They disparage the popular program constantly. They attempt to pass legislation that will curtail payments almost every session.   

They attempt to destroy it internally by trying to lessen the amount of money paid into the system by reducing taxes on corporations or the rich.  However, the rank-and-file of the party love Social Security and are working back-breaking jobs and long hours with the belief that when they hit the right age, they’ll be able to enjoy that added retirement income. 

Of course, they’ll also still vote for those same candidates that will do everything in their power to kill it. Because they have an “R” next to their name on the list of candidates.

The vast majority of Republican voters are working class people, who toil tirelessly day to day in difficult and exhausting jobs. From coal miners to farmers, they put in a tough, long day of work. However, even though their representatives want to raise the retirement age for those seeking Social Security, they’ll still vote for those candidates and gladly build up more calluses on their own hands because, hey, the candidate has an “R” next to his name.

Everybody loves Medicare. Although sometimes the system can be balky, they still love that most of their medical costs can be handled by this program when they reach that magical age. Often, it saves them from having to worry about Mom and Dad’s medical bills too. It means they don’t have to bail out their folks.

So it seems rather odd that the Republican rank-and-file voter will still vote for the Republican candidate.  The party consistently attempts to destroy Medicare. They try to pass legislation that will weaken the benefits or, change it completely from its current system to one of vouchers. Vouchers would mean that your 90-year-old folks would get a set amount of money to pay for their medical costs. In other words, they’d have to wrangle with insurance companies. So even though it would be tough for Grandpa to go toe-to-toe with that insurance agent, the rank-and-file GOP voter will still vote for the candidate that desires to see that outcome.

Just like zombies fixated on that nice brain over there, the average Republican will zero in on that candidate with the “R” beside the name. They stagger into the voting booth, arms outstretched seeking their prey, grunting and moaning scarily, drooling as they approach their target and then strike. Making a mark by any candidate with an “R” next to the name.

It doesn’t matter that their 12-year old daughter was raped by Uncle Ted and the candidate believes she must bring the baby to term.  They’ll vote for him.

It doesn’t matter that the city will have to lay off more policemen because the GOP implemented tax cuts for the rich and it took money away from cities. They will vote for the guy with an “R.”

It doesn’t matter that they feel sorry for that out-of-work veteran begging for money at the stop light.  Even though the GOP party voted in unison to defeat the veteran aid bill, the zombies will vote for them.

It doesn’t matter that women GOP voters believe women should be treated fairly and equally.  Even if the candidate votes against equal pay bills or anti-domestic violence legislation, the zombies will still vote for them.

So if you see a crowd of them chanting that they want to go out and get haircuts even though there’s a raging virus in the country, roll up your windows and drive by. Protect yourself from their infection. 

Don’t even try to explain to your Republican father that his party wants more tax cuts for corporations, which means he may lose his pension. He won’t listen, he’s a zombie. 

And your right-wing brother who avoided the draft so he didn’t have to go to Vietnam, but now supports any GOP candidate that proposes war?  Well, just turn up the TV and hope he’ll ignore you. He can’t help himself, he’s a Republican zombie.

 Ahhh, James Thurber

Republican No More

They advocated and fought to free the slaves. They worked to preserve America's wilderness by protecting National Parks. They warned us about cozying up to corporations and the military. They used to be the Republican Party.

Used to be.

I’m working to initiate a lawsuit to force them to change their name as they no longer resemble that political organization. To say they are the party of Lincoln, or Teddy or Ike is delusional as they abandoned those leaders’ ideals and principles decades ago.

The downfall of the Grand Old Party began with Nixon's Southern strategy which attracted the Dixicrats and others who hated President Johnson’s civil rights expansion.  The metamorphosis of the party continues with the Trump dismantling of the few vestiges of the old party that remained.  

In the old days the Eisenhower administration said this:

“We are proud of and shall continue our far-reaching and sound advances in matters of basic human needs — expansion of social security — broadened coverage in unemployment insurance — improved housing — and better health protection for all our people. We are determined that our government remain warmly responsive to the urgent social and economic problems of our people. We shall continue to seek extension and perfection of a sound social security system.”

Ike also advocated for equal pay for equal work, regardless of gender; supported a mandated minimum wage rate; supported ending discrimination in employment based on race; supported an expansion of social security and other progressive ideals.  Today’s party cringes when they hear anything close to that, and in fact, often opposes those ideas.

Today’s Republican party has moved so far from the progressive ideals they embraced in the old days that even the moderates flee the party.

Nowadays the party advocates for the rich and for corporations, but tries to appeal to working class people by stating they are working for those people interests, even though they most assuredly are not.

So I propose they have to change their name.  Some possible choices:

• Corporatic party
• Trumptonian Party
• Antipeoplish Party
• Wealthnbiz Party
• Screwpoorlian Party

By changing their name it will protect the rich history of the Pre-Nixon Republicans and save that heritage from the inglorious pigheadedness of today’s version. I may have a problem finding a lawyer though because I think the bar association may be an adjunct of the new party. Fingers crossed that the judge hasn’t been appointed by Trump.

Ah, James Thurber

 We at The Thurber Brigade apologize for once again getting off the path of the interaction between men and women.  However, with the election looming, we believed it important to stress that if someone supports DJ Trump, that person has strayed from the ideas and ideals of the Republican party and have instead embraced racism, hatred, ignorance and, well, you get it. We at The Brigade promise to get back to The War Between Men and Women real soon. Maybe.