Untold Stories

In the Spielberg movie “Lincoln,” the president often regales visitors with stories to make a point. A funny scene happens when he begins a story and one of his cabinet members runs from the room decrying “oh no, not another one of his blasted stories.”

We all have stories we like to tell from time to time, but often we don't tell all of them. I seldom verbalize  my stories anymore for a number of reasons.

One is that I don't want friends running from the room. Also, I think that nowadays, because of our fascination with the instantaneous and fast media storm we get from modern devices, we no longer have an attention span longer than a minute (or less).

So many great stories are missed by my friends, who might really like them if they heard a few. So a blog is a perfect place to tell them, even if briefly, and then you can either skim them or jump to the witty conclusion.

For example, there's the story from one of my Australian trips when I got picked up by security. I had been hiking along the seaside through some thick brush on a skimpy trail when I came upon a large facility. It had a fence topped by barbed wire and looked like some electric or energy plant, or maybe even a discreet military site. When I got to a more open area, I was confronted by two armed guards. They hadn't drawn their weapons, but did grill me about what I was doing there.

I told them I was just hiking and hadn’t entered the facility. They led me to their Jeep though and after examining my Texas driver's license must have guessed I was just a kooky American and harmless. They drove me back to a road so I could head back to town and admonished me about hiking in dangerous remote areas.

“What would you have done if you fell down one of those cliffs?” One chided. Admittedly, the cliffs I hiked along were pretty steep and high, but hey, that's what adventures are all about.

Another adventure dealt with a female I liked. I discussed this in detail in one of my “near miss” blogs.  Crazy about a waitress in a Sixth Street bar, I made numerous visits to the place hoping for the courage to ask for her number. I finally did gain that courage and got her phone number, but because of weird circumstances lost it on the very same night. Although I attempted to regain it (and my courage) it never came to fruition again.

Some stories aren’t so melancholy, but frustrating.  While in the army (82^nd Airborne) I advocated for an enlisted person union. A pretty radical idea that someone should advocate for enlisted rights/needs in congress rather than some general who might go on to be a lobbyist for a corporation. Anyway, one of the methods the group I worked with used to gain acceptance, was a petition for a union.

One day we tried to gather signatures at a local shopping mall. We were tucked away in a back area (the mall couldn’t deny our request, but could make it less offensive to themselves) and some grisly older guy, who I assumed was a retired master sergeant, came up and began arguing. I became more hostile as I argued back, but I suddenly noticed that my friends had sat back and didn’t respond at all. Since they were more experienced and knowledgeable it surprised me.

Eventually the old guy gave up or lost his energy and left, so I asked them why they didn’t fight back.

“There are just some people you will never get to listen.  No matter the facts, they will never change their minds. There’s  no need to even try.”

That became one of my best lessons over the years and has helped guide me in discussions as well as attempts to meet females.

I have a large number of hiking stories similar to the Australian one above. For example, on visiting Mount St. Helens, I took a hiking trail from an observation point that wended around several hills and included parts of a path that was mere inches wide. At one point, there was a 1,000 foot drop down a rocky slope if you missed a step. I did get a better and closer look at the dormant volcano and so thought it worth the danger.

Jim Croce plays a big part in one or two of my stories as noted in another blog.  The best again deals with hiking. Most of the time that I go hiking I’m alone and in the back country.  Bears do not like to be surprised, and so when you hike in their areas, you should always make a lot of noise. Easier if you hike with friends and can chat about fun times in bars, etc, but more challenging when alone.

So I not only wear a bear bell attached to my belt, but I sing Jim Croce. So far, no bears have complained about my singing, although one time one came close to check out which song I was singing.

Of course, I also have stories in which I will only reveal part of the adventure.  One such happened on my birthday.  I believe it was my big Three Five.  Anyway, we had been out celebrating my birthday, mainly drinking Magnums at The Chili Parlor, and finally heading home.

Unlike many males, I tend to get super cautious when I drink and then drive. However, we were still going highway speed on I-35 in my old Datsun pickup when my friend, Lance, decided to continue being crazy. He opened the window on the passenger side and began to crawl out, headed for the bed of the pickup.  I shouted at him to stop, but he continued on. 

Amazingly he made it, and after screaming and shouting at passing traffic, repeated the dangerous maneuver back into the cab.  That exciting point of the story does not end the wild tale, but it’s the most I’ll relate at this time. The craziest part came later, but that I’ll save until I’m on my death bed. You’ll just have to visit then.

These are just a few of the many stories I have but never talk about (although I sometimes blog them).  I believe everyone has the same situation and have untold treasures just waiting to be described to anyone willing to listen. 

As a writer, I love hearing most of these, and so I often try to elicit them from people while hiking, when I hit bars or while I wait for a bus. 

So if you can stand putting away your cell phone for a few minutes, give it a try yourself sometime. You may hear some really funny or intense tales.  Even if not, at least you have made a connection that will provide a pleasant memory years from now. Maybe that encounter will become one of your stories.

James Thurber told some great stories

The Chili Parlor Incident

Close Encounter, Part II

In a previous blog,  "Relationship C.V.",  I discussed a few of my less-than-successful relationships.  Partly for entertainment purposes (admit it, you like to hear about other people's failures), but also to point out my knowledge of relationships.  These were relationships that didn't go the distance. This time I want to tell about a "near miss." A situation where I had the intention of starting a relationship, but it just never got off the ground.

This might be a continuation of sorts, maybe a series, as I also previously mentioned an encounter with a woman and how a music video actress reminded me of her. That incident (Close Encounters, Part I) could easily be labeled a "near miss" too because I was a misplaced phone number away from dating her.

When you think about a near miss, you can't really claim it is good or bad. This is because you can't predict the future or tell how the possible relationship would have turned out. You could have gone on and married the woman or just as easily she could have knifed you in the back in a fit of rage over one of your bad habits. It's fun to think about the possibilities though.


Years ago my roommate and I (I'm a frugal guy, so had a roommate to save money back then) had a habit of hitting the Texas Chili Parlor.  A great dive/bar famous for it's XXX chili. Yes, I would occasionally try the triple, it tasted great, but you obviously pay a taste bud price for the heat.

However, we didn't go for the chili, we went for the "Magnums." These were just rum, Coke and lime (yeah a Cuba Libra), but they used a great name to draw us in to imbibe. Or was it my roommate who made up that name?

So on one excursion a new waitress, Nancy, caught my eye. She was a petite blonde with incredible eyes, but more importantly, she not only put up with us two obnoxious guys, she seemed to like us.

When I say obnoxious, I don't mean the type who makes snide remarks about the wait staff or gets in fights with other customers. No, we were the types who spoke too loud, thought we were clever (although the comments were more weird then witty), and who tended to not leave. That's right, we stayed until they put the chairs on the tables and mopped around our feet. Sometimes the staff would say something, but usually, they just tried to drop coy hints (the chairs, mopping, etc.). After all, we were really good customers.

So Nancy put up with the goofy banter and also would join in sometimes. Slowly, but surely, I think my attempts to get her to pay attention to me beyond customer status began to pay off. I could tell because she began to tell us something about her personal life, even if we didn't ask.

Okay, you are probably asking "why didn't you pounce right away" after she began to make more obvious signs. However, first off remember the blog about signs.  Women can sometimes give really misleading signs (not to be confused with the blog about women misleading men).

Second, most of us realize that waitresses are trained in "professional courtesy." This tactic utilizes various techniques from the easy (smiling politely) to the ultimate (the "I'm a good buddy" technique).  So when I attempt to make first contact with a waitress, I'm a little more cautious about jumping in with my heart. Sure, maybe I'm a little shy too.

Finally, after numerous weeks of going to the Texas Chili Parlor, drinking way too many Magnums and gently prodding her to garner interest, I decided to dive in full steam. I'd ask her for her phone number.  On our third drink I told my roommate about my plan. As I rushed to finish my drink so we could call her over, I could see him thinking this over deeply. Oh sure, I should have seen the warning signs. For either of us, drinking a lot and thinking deeply was not a good combination.

I waved at Nancy and got her to come over.

"I wonder if you'd give me your phone number so I could call you sometime and maybe we could go try out some other place sometime or something sometime, you know." (What? you thought I had a smooth line? You haven't been reading these blogs).

Nancy smiled broadly, but before she could even begin to tell me her number—and I'm absolutely sure she was about to—my roommate blurted out: "No, what would be better is for you to give her your number and then she can call you when she wants."

Taken aback, she blinked unknowingly, not sure what to make of this. I on the other hand, having consumed several strong drinks (if they liked you, your drinks were stronger than normal) thought that maybe my roommate had a great solution. Maybe he had figured out the right scenario for this situation and wanted me to take advantage of it. I thought this even though he hadn't had a girlfriend in years and was not known as a person to seek out dates. He was basically the perpetual "Wing Man." So of course, I gave her my number. We had a few more drinks then stumbled home.

You know the outcome of this already though. I've mentioned this countless times with different links leading to verification that women do not make first contact. After a few weeks we went back to the Texas Chili Parlor and learned she had moved on. No one knew where she moved to, although they were sure she still lived in town. It didn't matter though as even if I had know where she worked now, it would be like starting over.

 

Possible outcomes from a near miss relationship

So once again, another near miss that could have lead to something really great. Oh, I could blame my roommate (notice how I have yet to say his name) but as I mentioned, since we don't know the future he might have also saved me from a grisly death.  Therefore I just look at this as another adventure on the relationship battlefront of the War Between Men and Women.

(This has nothing to do with the blog; it's just included to inflame those radical feminists who are stalking me and hate it when I include pictures of provocative females)