Are You Somebody?

Around 10-15 years ago I sat at the bar of a nightclub during SxSW listening to a band and drinking a beer. Normally during the festival, like most people, I try to get close to the band on the dance floor in front of the stage.  I had forgotten my earplugs though and so thought sitting farther away (bar was at front of building, stage at back) might save my hearing. A young woman approached me and then took the bar stool next to me.

"Are you somebody?" She asked.

I smiled, frantically trying to think about a good pick up line (yes, she was quite attractive), but nothing clever came to mind.  "Well, my mother thinks so."

She smiled back, and we exchanged a few more pleasantries, but she slowly eased away. Obviously, I was not somebody enough.  At SxSW it is very common to run into actors, singers, directors, etc., and she really had hoped I might fit into one of those categories. A struggling writer, fully employed, self-sufficient and cute (hey, I had hair back then and a number of females thought me handsome) academic advisor is not "somebody."

I've blogged beforehand about how women are just as superficial as men, but instead of looks, they lean toward money and prestige.  However, her affliction, well, okay, her desire, had more to do with acquiring fame and stardom.  A driving force for both genders.  I like to claim that this appears in generations after us Boomers.  After all, we were the generation that celebrated the anti-heroes, fought against the establishment and the status quo.  I have a feeling though that there might be a number of us who succumb to this desire too. Maybe.

I wrote a short story about this a number of years ago and actually convinced someone to publish it.  Titled "Thank You" it focused on a man who watched a little too much "TMZ" and "Dish Nation" and "E! News" and saw all these glamorous stars and people living the high life.  He soon became despondent because he was just a little old high school counselor.  He decided the only way out was, well, to end it all.  Okay, it may have been more black humor than just my usual ribald satire. Anyway, the moral was that everyone's life is important in its own way and we shouldn't judge ours by movie stars, singers, et al.

Unfortunately, we see this attitude all the time.  The attitude that being a star is everything, while being a good person, whether construction worker, teacher, cop or some other useful occupation (come on, do you really believe actors, etc. really contribute to advancing society? Pleeaasseee.) is to not have succeeded in life.

For example, a number of years ago I remember a news story where a Kardashian and Posse were walking through an airport and a reporter asked her if she wanted to meet some big name politician also going through.  I think it was Joe Biden.  She had no idea who he was, nor wanted to meet him.  If she didn't recognize his name, he must not have been important enough (similar to some college students who recognize the Kardashians, but not Ronald Reagan).

You really see this when watching those reality TV shows and they start with the tryouts.  There will be thousands of people skipping work, doctor's appointments or something in order to stand in line for four or more hours in order to spend one minute on a stage to try to impress someone that they should be a star.

My satirical book "Sex and the American Male" which mainly took aim at America's mass consumerism addiction, also touched on this.  The main character, Zach—due to microbes in his brain that want him to go crazy—always wants to impress his love by either having a great car or by having enough money and prestige to buy her "STUFF."  He has to be a big deal.

To a lesser degree I think you can find this in other countries, but they are mimicking us.  The US sets the trend.  As I mention in SEX, "we are the Borg." American culture and society is overwhelming. We will assimilate you. Resistance is futile.

As a child of the Sixties I put up resistance to this compulsion as best I can, but I have to admit, I'd sure like to get more people to read my books and this blog.

Oh, no, I'm infected.

 

Might as well Jump!

When I wrote my blog about women drivers, feminists went into attack mode. It ranged from attacking me on Twitter to complaining to my boss. I made some generalizations about females, but no one bothered to ask whether it was about one woman, all women, a few or could the behavior also relate to men?

In truth, I didn't mind the fuss because controversy gets read. I always think about Mick Jagger stating that you get noticed by being a bad boy and by destroying that hotel room (or something like that). After all, blogs are all about generalizations.  Otherwise we’d call them news stories. How people react to a blog will determine its success.

What it boils down to though, is someone reads that generalization and makes a determination about it and its author. This usually means not bothering to do much more than making a quick read.  Skimming it.  Not investigating the point made nor read more about the person who wrote it. In other words, the reader makes a jump. Jumps to a conclusion.

We all do it.

For example, I often use pictures of scantily clad females in my blogs. So when this happens I get a number of females letting me know that I'm a sexist pig and that I objectify women. I've blogged before along these lines, that many women don't know the difference between sexism and sexuality. 

That I am attracted to a woman in a bikini doesn't mean I think she's incapable of being a lawyer, a doctor, etc. It's just easier to jump to the conclusion that I'm a pig then to look deeper. I often point out to the offended female that if a women drools to her BFF about Justin Timberlake, it's not sexism, it's just that she's expressing her inner feelings and innate sexuality.

Anyway, there are a lot of incidents we commonly encounter of people jumping.

All men know that women will fall over themselves to meet that guy driving the Corvette, even though he's a scumbag (if they were to really get to know him). While the guy driving a used VW bug just isn't worth the time, no matter that he's the type who devotes himself to just one woman. They jump thinking that money/wealth equals quality.

Along the same line, if a guy sees a hot female he immediately jumps to the conclusion that she will not only be hot in bed, but also a great lifelong companion.  This even though she may really be the woman who jumps to a new guy every time a new car rolls by, or has a gigantic collection of Raggedy Ann dolls at home (and normally dresses that way too). In other words, the guy jumps that external beauty also extends to the internal too.

Very similar to the car situation, is that if a woman meets a male who has a prestigious or professional career, he's a good find. So the plastic surgeon will attract a big female following, while the electrician in the dirty blue jeans and T-shirt is a loser.

A jump by men similar to the beauty queen syndrome above, is if a guy encounters a woman in provocative clothing. A woman in a halter and tight pants is the woman of a man's dreams (or at least fantasies) and would make a worthy companion at all social gatherings. A woman in a T-shirt and blue jeans won't get a second glance when near the former, even though she might be the most provocative and exciting woman the guy might ever meet. It's too late. The guy has made the jump and hasn't bothered to look a little further.

Let me jump in here and promote my recent book, SEX and the AMERICAN MALE. When I first began promoting it on Facebook, a number of crazy feminists who had been electronically stalking me on FB and Twitter immediately began blasting to their cohorts on my evilness. 

They believed I had attempted to expose my students to raunchy stories about lurid sex acts. They jumped to the conclusion that my book was all about illicit sex by a debauched male sex fiend. Of course, SEX and the AMERICAN MALE (still just $2) is NOT about SEX at all—although the main character does wish he had it now and then with his girlfriend. The book is a social satire about American society.

Along those lines, a large number of the folks who have "liked" the SAM FaceBook page do so thinking it's about sex. I know this because if I look at their “likes” and they all seem to be about sex. Such as "Hot Sex Singers," "Sexy Women," "Wild Sex Nights," well, you get the idea.

 
Some more common jumps we see include women who think that single men have messy houses. Likewise, men often jump that all women will have a clean house. Men who see a woman sporting really short hair will believe the female to be a lesbian. Similar, a woman who sees a skinny guy with short hair and a mustache jumps that he's gay. I have been told by many people that when they first noticed my Van Dyke they assumed I was evil/mean. Of course, I'm actually a pretty laid-back, goofy guy. Trust me.

Sure, many people think that jumping to conclusions is the same as stereotyping. However, I think the latter is more of an ingrained, long-term character flaw, while the former is just lazy thinking.

Both men and women jump. It's normal (not necessarily right).  Who does it the most could be debated, as could which jump is more devious. 

So in the future you may continue to jump to conclusions about something I’ve blogged about or some picture I’ve tucked into the piece, but keep in mind that it might give me more fuel for a future blog as well as enable me to write a few more snide tweets about people like you.

(My editor and I writing another evil blog/Tweet)

Turn up the Stereo (type)!

(not that type of stereo folks, jeez)

There was a recent ad by Pantene Shampoo (it ran mainly in the Philippines) that attempted to show how women can be stereotyped differently than men—even when doing/acting the same as men.

I think it’s a clever ad, and do have to agree that people stereotype other people all the time. It’s probably human nature.  The thing is, it’s not just women. Men are stereotyped for their actions just as much, if not more than women (yes, you may remember another blog about stereotypes, it dealt more with looks).

For example.

A man who cries is a wimp; a woman who cries is sensitive. 

 

A man who is single after 30 is gay; a woman is carefully examining her options.

A man who keeps a clean house is gay (oops, a repeat stereotype word; popular to use to disparage men); a woman who keeps a clean house is normal/orderly.

A man who wears a suit and tie every day is a cog-in-the wheel/suit/robot; a female who does this is trying to break the glass ceiling.

A man who drives an expensive car is flaunting his wealth; a woman who drives an expensive car has broken the barrier and moved up in the world.

A man who complains about an ailment should “suck it up;” a woman who complains about an ailment shows more concern about her health.

So there is no doubt that both men and women stereotype. Whether it is bad or good probably depends on the situation. And who does it more often is debatable, but unprovable. So we'll probably keep on stereotyping and making guesses about people without much knowledge of the facts. At least it gives us bloggers something to write about and is good for conversations at bars.

(Okay, this picture really has nothing to do with this blog. It's just that I'm stereotyped as the type of guy who likes to post sexual pictures to his blog, and well, I didn't want to disappoint—plus I like this picture).

(images courtesy of http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/)