Déjà vu All Over Again

Orlando: Yet Another Thurber Brigade Sidestep

 

This is insane.  The Thurber Brigade began as a way to talk about the War Between Men and Women.  However, over the past four years when something disturbed my soul I’ve taken a sidestep to rant about it. Almost every month there is some incident that involves someone killing many people or killing them for crazy reasons.  The massacre in Orlando is just the latest.

If you don't want to believe that the 2nd Amendment was to placate slave owners fearful of slaves rising up and killing them and therefore wanting to have the government permission to have a group of armed citizens ready to react, even though this is the case, what (?), you have not studied history (?), you don't understand that back in those days they stopped all sorts of people from having guns, are you completely incoherent to the fear they had of slaves with weapons, even today people are scared to death of blacks with guns (aka Black Panthers, et al), have you forgotten that no one wants felons of any sort to have guns so some regulation appears to be okay, then surely you understand that The Founders wanted some regulation.

Whew, I had to get that out.

Some say that we can't get gun regulation because the GOP is owned by the NRA (an organization originally founded to improve Yankees' marksmanship). Well, this is obviously the case just judging by campaign contributions and vacations, excuse me, investigative junkets to exotic locales.  However, maybe there is something else.  Maybe they are secretly working for ISIS.

Note how they want suspected terrorists to only wait three days to get an assault weapon?  Did you also note that they want to ban women and children who are fleeing the terrorists?

Not only that, they do everything they can to assure suspected terrorists may buy any weapon or ammo they want.  Meanwhile they work to restrict voters from participating in a democratic process (election)?  Aren't these the same ideals ISIS would want?

Yes, suspicious.

Okay, maybe that is too far over the top (although how many times have you heard right-wingers use a Hitler reference about some liberal?).  Satire, guilt and blaming may not convince the GOP (yes, it’s really only them) to stop coddling killers and bowing to their overlords the NRA.  We have to keep trying though.  My hope is that these losers get voted out of office.  We may have to wait for that because somehow they keep getting people to vote against their economic and cultural interests and vote for them.  Let’s keep trying to change that though.  Lets keep trying to get common sense gun laws on the books.  Let’s keep trying.

James Thurber! (this is from his "The Last Flower")

**The Thurber Brigade apologizes for yet again veering off the road of The War Between Men and Women and assures everyone that it will return to the straight and narrow soon. Maybe. Well, you know from the above how likely there will be another. Sorry.

Lonely are the Brave

A number of blogs ago, I covered how women absolutely fear making "First Contact."  As much as they believe in equality, it sure doesn't extend to this social endeavor. What I didn't go into though is how they talk a good game, but have no ability to carry through.

Sort of like the short boy who talks trash on a basketball court but then gets slaughtered when he plays in an actual game. He typically doesn't recognize this disparity and if he's lucky enough to actually make a basket will launch once again into a barrage of self-marketing that doesn't correspond to his ability (trash talk, I just didn't want to repeat the phrase).

Oh, you've seen this before and for quite some time. A perfect example is that old Coke commercial where all the women in an office gather at a window each day to watch a construction worker who takes off his shirt to drink a Coca Cola. I should point out how I also blogged once about women's selective vision (Because most women are turned off by construction workers). Anyway, they are all excited about this "hot" guy, but make no attempt at contact. Think any of them will race to that construction site after work to talk to him? Of course not!

I'm a notorious eavesdropper. It's my habit to go to bars, have a drink or two and listen to the conversations around me. It's to help my writing. Really. Anyway, I have lost count of the times I've overheard a table full of women talk about this hot guy or that. However, not once have I ever overheard about how they went up and asked the guy out. I have heard countless times their sadness that he didn't contact them, usually followed with an assertion that the guy must be gay. Yeah, trash talk, no follow-through.

What really gets me though is how so many women talk about how they love sex. There supposedly are studies that show how women really do love sex as much as men, but I've always written them off as the respondents were likely old ladies in a knitting circle filling out a questionnaire.  "Do I like sex? Oh, my, yes, I love sex," they'll say to themselves while reading the test.  They'll then check off the appropriate boxes but never show signs of following through.

These women, supposedly so crazy about sex, are not driven to it the same way as males. Yeah, I've blogged about this too. They have a romantic ideal of love but it's nowhere as compelling as the testosterone-driven urges males experience for sex. So women will visualize making passionate love to that hot construction worker, but will never do anything overt to make it happen. Guys are so driven to sex that the less-evolved of us will resort to catcalls to try to get attention. Socially a no-no, but guys understand the reflex. We're constantly on the hunt.

This disparity is really obvious to us guys from hearing horror stories from our buddies who got married. Suddenly the vixen they knew while dating has turned into the knitting granny. She'll tell her friends how much she likes sex, but will only partake once a month after hubby has taken her to The Ritz (or some other special activity approved by the female).

I remember one conversation with a friend very clearly. He had wondered why I never got married. I admitted that I regretted not having a steady stream of sexual pleasure.  He looked at me scornfully, shook his head and said: "oh, Jay, you just don't understand marriage."

We also hear countless stories of our friends making overtures to their spouses and being rejected—except when the female wants to disrupt a guy's plans for later. Of course, what I'm talking about is how a guy tries to get some on Thursday, is rebuffed, and then on Sunday when he's getting ready to hunker in front of The Tube to watch the Raiders vs. Lions she suddenly gets amorous. That's right, some game comes on the male wants to watch and the female suddenly reverts to her single days. The mood seems to pass after the game though, and she invariably will tell her friends how much she likes sex, but her caveman male is just never interested.

We single guys have it tough too because obviously we have to do the hunting (make contact). The female, professing to like sex, makes it difficult for the male to hook up. My own classical example is one night going out to a local nightclub called "The Continental Club." A dark, loud and very cool bar/music venue back in the "old Austin" days (for those who remember, it had a pool table in front. Yeah, that long ago). Nowadays, it's still okay, but is more "hip" then cool.  Anyway, I asked 10 different women to dance. Not one accepted. Not even the one standing beside the dance floor tapping her foot. Not the one swaying by the bar. Perhaps they thought I might be a serial killer (come on, I was a cutie in the old days when I had hair), but really all I wanted to do was dance and maybe make an introduction. Sure, Cyndi Lauper, "girls just want to have fun." 

Hunting is tough for us single males.

I could bring up more tales, such as female erotica writers irritated by contact from males, or women supposedly on the prowl who go out in large, ominous packs, or (more common) women who lament lack of male companionship yet never venture out to where males congregate, but you get the point: if you talk trash, be able to back it up with performance. 

The notorious Thurber Brigade note: Yes, you guessed it.  The title of this blog is taken from a great 60s movie staring Kirk Douglas and Walter Matthau. LONELY ARE THE BRAVE concerns the difficulty of facing change. It's a sad movie, but give it a view some time.

Jim Croce the Guru

Most summers, to escape the oppressive Texas heat, I venture to the Great Northwest to hike in the mountains of our beautiful National Parks. Usually I'm hiking alone (partly because most people know I like to walk much longer distances then they can tolerate). Rangers will tell you that's not a good idea, but if you don't go with a group, be sure and make plenty of noise. This is so you don't surprise any bears and make them angry, and possibly would convince them to go some other way.

I always carry a little "bear bell" I bought at a shop near Glacier National Park, but I also tend to sing as I hike along. If you were to be on the trail ahead and suddenly heard someone singing the entire catalog of Jim Croce songs, well, you and the bears are about to run into me.  So far, I've encountered bears twice, but no bear attacks! Thanks Jim.

The Grand Teton Encounter

The reason I know all of Jim Croce's songs is because he is my guru.

What seems like a century ago, my Mom asked me to go pick up the big bro from a class he was taking at UT El Paso. I got there early and so sat at a student lounge in the building and it just so happened to have a TV playing some musician talking about a song. He was a guy with a big mane of curly hair, mustache and a big nose (I was a short-haired teenybopper) so I wrote him off as a hippie freak of some sort. I was a straight-laced guy who more likely took after my conservative Dad rather than my psych-major, pinko brother (politically, we changed places as we aged).

Something about the guy got me to start to listen to him though. Maybe it was the smooth voice or friendly attitude. Soon I became intrigued by the little tale he spun about a truck driver. After the story, he began to play his guitar and sing and it seemed to strike a nerve in the back of my mind.

My brother shortly got out of class, so I didn't get to hear more, but oddly, this guy remained a fixture in the recesses of my subconscious. After all, as a kid influenced by his parents instead of his brother, I was more likely to listen to Andy Williams (I still love his rendition of "Exodus") and Frank Sinatra than the Beatles or Dylan. In other words, I made no attempt to figure out who was the singer/songwriter I had just been mesmerized by at UTEP.

Years later, after I began to follow my own path musically and philosophically, I came realize that I had fallen under the spell of Jim Croce.

I eventually acquired every single song he wrote. I had them on  cassette, vinyl and cd. I also bought all his music videos (they were on one DVD). It was when I played those videos that it suddenly dawned on me that it had been Jim Croce who entranced me on that TV  all those years ago. What really struck me though was the realization that I probably saw him on The Tube that day only a short time before his death in a tragic plane accident not far from El Paso.

 

Maury Muehleisen, who played and toured with Croce, also died in the accident

Years before this epiphany, while I was with the 82nd Airborne, I adopted one of his songs as my theme song. I'm not going to say which one, as it's a personal thing, but it basically dealt with doing things your way as you travel through this life. Yeah, you can probably guess it from that clue.

Jim Croce became my Guru a short time later when I adopted his "The Hard Way Every Time" as my mantra. The philosophy behind it felt so compelling I couldn't resist. It begins with a chorus that goes "I've had my share of broken dreams, and more than a couple of falls...but in looking back...I've learned the hard way every time."

However,  it's the final chorus that rings most importantly: "...but in looking back at the faces I've been, I would sure be the first one to say, when I look at myself today, wouldn't of done it any other way."

I wholeheartedly follow this philosophy. No, I don't go out of my way to get into trouble or try things just to be put in peril—although I have to admit, I do try things out because I do think it might be an adventure—but it does mean that I accept my mistakes, my problems, my adventures, and know that they have shaped my life. Although I may not like what happened to me, I accept it as part of my life and my experiences.

In other words, the person I am today has been formed by all those experiences, good and bad.  I like this concept because it basically helps me face those trials and tribulations I encounter. It's a more poetic way of saying what doesn't kill me makes me stronger.

By the way, if you do buy the videos of Jim Croce, be sure and watch the special feature that has a duet from some TV show of Jim and Ingrid Croce. Whenever I watch them sing "Spin, Spin, Spin" I think they were a perfect couple. They look lovingly into each other's eyes, have a magical presence and, of course, harmonize beautifully. Sorry, sometimes I just get sentimental.

(We at The Thurber Brigade wish to once again apologize for the repeated use of The Donald in our last blog. It turned a lot of stomachs and we hope that this reverent and reflective essay on a great American singer/songwriter will soothe those souls damaged by the previous blog.  No, we can't promise we won't do it again since crazed American voters keep voting for ----- in record numbers, but at least remember that we are concerned about your mental well-being and will do our best to calm you when needed.)

Sexism vs. Sexuality

Okay, okay, I admit that I cheated on the last blog. I had only a sketchy idea on what to talk about, so decided to stall by writing a blog advertising SEX and the AMERICAN MALE (still just $2; oops, sorry) by not so cleverly talking all about SEX. Well, the current presidential election caught my attention because it basically alludes to something I've mentioned before. Too many people don't know the difference between sexism and sexuality.

Of course, there's the easy route. You could be like the Angry Feminists who hate this blog and state that anything that they don't like that is uttered by a male is proof that the guy is a sexist pig. I get this thrown at me a lot, for example after I pointed out how women are afraid to make first contact or the time I talked about things that women seem to get away with but men can't. It doesn't matter that women admit they won't ever make the first move nor that men dare not enter a biker bar in shorts. I must therefore be a sexist pig.


 


However, Merriam-Webster defines sexism as prejudice or discrimination based on sex; especially :  discrimination against women.

Based on that definition, my blogs don't make me a sexist pig because I'm not discriminating against women, I'm just saying something unflattering that many don't like. Is it discrimination? Is it prejudice? No, it's just snarky comments that females don't appreciate.

On the other hand, Donald Trump is a sexist pig because he believes women are just eye candy. It's to the point where he makes appearance a battle between good vs. evil. If a woman is hot, she's useful to him, if plain well, she's useless.

Now, I could repeat some of Trump's quotes (Trumpisms?) to make the point, but I figure since the news media reports on him every single day as the top news story there isn't much need. Don't believe me? Well, did you hear about the suicide bomber in Russia that happened about a week ago? The near civil war going on in Azerbaijan? That rebels shot down two jets in Syria? Of course not! You had to get your daily quota of Trumpisms by the daily news.

Another definition by M-W says it's behavior, conditions, or attitudes that foster stereotypes of social roles based on sex. Again, this doesn't include me (unless you're an Angry Fem who wants to stretch and distort my words) because I'm not fostering stereotypes, I'm commenting on female actions.

Of course, the main-stream press also comments relentlessly on The Donald, so you may have missed news about how the policeman who killed an unarmed man is getting probation—but no jail time. If a civilian did the same, he'd be getting the chair.  But you didn't hear about this abuse of justice because the news people wanted you to know about Ted Cruz' wife.

So if I were to say women couldn't be lawyers because they don't make first contact, then you could call me sexist. However, I didn't do that. I instead inferred that they were cowards. So you could call me rude, but not sexist.

You might also call Republicans sexist because they always pass laws to restrict health choices of women, but never of men. You most likely don't know about this though, especially that it almost always is done by older white men without a single woman's input. You didn't hear about this due to all the coverage of Hillary's refusal to release a transcript of a speech which the Main Stream Media (MSM) deemed more exciting.

Many other Angry Feminists declare I'm objectifying women by constantly posting pictures of scantily-clad females. As I've also stated in a previous blog, this is more of a sex fiend trend than a sexist pig one. Does a guy who looks at a woman and dreams of wild, kinky sex with her imply that she is incapable of fulfilling any other role in society? Okay, it is possible that some men view women that way, but unlikely that it's a majority. Most men work alongside women they believe are competent and capable people, who just so happen also would be fun to have a carnal escaped with.

Now Donald Trump marrying one hot model after another might be considered objectifying women. Of course, you may not have noticed this behavior because the MSM has been spending it's time talking about how right-wing evangelicals have fallen in lock-step behind Trump because they believe that although he doesn't show signs of Christian-like behavior, he has to be better than that pagan, Satan-worshipping Hillary.

The only conclusion you can draw from all this is that those Angry Feminists, who may tar and feather me next week, don't know the difference between sexism and sexuality. They are so outraged by pictures of semi-nude women that they will likely pass out in the voting booth and accidentally put a check by Donald's name because they were so pissed off that I appreciate beauty and enjoy sex. Of course, the MSM wouldn't report on this turn of events because they just heard that Trump might be going to a debate. Or maybe not. They'll be there just in case. And of course while they are there patiently waiting for The Donald, they won't be mentioning how Republicans in congress overwhelmingly voted to NOT give aid to children in Flint, Michigan who have been poisoned by water deemed safe by the GOP governor.

So as you can see by all of this discussion, this blog is not sexist but blatantly sexual. I hope you will check back for the next blog when we—NEWS FLASH: we interrupt this blog to report that Donald Trump's plane just landed in New York! We repeat, Donald has landed—we're sure it will really get those Angry Fems in a bloody rage!

(The Thurber Brigade just learned that those Angry Feminists hacked into our computers! They read our pre-edited version and have publicly declared their anger that not only do we relentlessly point our finger at them in disdain, but also how they believe this blog is really another notorious political sidestep into how the MSM is failing in their job of reporting news and instead pandering to ratings by reporting about sensational nothingness. Ummm, well, maybe.)

This cartoon has absolutely nothing to do with the above blog. We at The Brigade just like James Thurber and decided that with all the pictures of Trump we needed to add something that might soothe the soul a bit. Ahhh, James Thurber.

Sex! Hot SEX!

A note from the publisher of SEX and the American Male

   (The Thurber Brigade was approached by the owner of BIG BEN BOOKS who wanted to make a public statement about the book. After he made a large contribution to The Brigade Retirement/Party Fund we relented)      

So, did the title of this article excite you? Of course it did! You are a warm-blooded human and so you love SEX. Who wouldn't? That's the power behind the great book I published: SEX and the AMERICAN MALE.

Hello, I am Benito "Big Ben" Cantolini, and I just wanted to set the record straight about this hot, lurid book. I know that many readers have complained because the author of SEX and the AMERICAN MALE keeps declaring that there is no SEX in his book. Nonsense!


There is a ton of lurid, raunchy SEX in the book and also plenty of explicit photos to go along with the ribald words. Pictures like this:

Of course this picture is not as explicit as in the book because the author won't let me show that in his blog, but trust me, the pictures are twice as hot as this one.

This is another example of the hot sex you will encounter in SEX and the AMERICAN MALE (but again because of the author this one is relatively tame).

People have also told me that they were disappointed that the author didn't use graphic descriptions and evocative language in describing the incredible SEX acts in the book.  Bull pucky (dang author won't let me use expletives)!

I can't believe the number of times he uses the words penis and vagina (but of course the more lurid versions) in SEX and the AMERICAN MALE!

(the author insisted I add this)

And the penises in the book are huge! Not wimpy like that certain businessman running for president, but gigantic! The author goes to extremes describing the male SEX organ and how it interacts with the female genitalia (darn author won't let me describe that either).

Now, some folks keep saying that I came up with the title of the book to stimulate more sales. They also say it is a cynical allusion to how advertisers use SEX and erotic images to lure unsuspecting customers to their product. These are atrocious lies! The title is purely a declaration of the blatant and plentiful SEX scenes in the book.

Because of the lurid SEX in the book, similar to this photo but much more graphic, book sales are through the roof!

I especially don't want you to be fooled by some of the reviews of the book you'll find on Amazon.com. Ones like:

 Reviews

✯✯✯✯  Sex and the American Male by Jay Williams has absolutely nothing to do with sex, but everything to do with advertising and the messages it sends you.

✯✯✯✯ The twists are unexpected as exemplified case and point in the notion that sex sells, and Williams finds a clever way of reminding us of this throughout.

No the real reviews were censored by Amazon because they too were too graphic! They said things like:

✯✯✯✯ "Man when Zack ---- to Mist ---- and repeatedly ---- the ----"
✯✯✯✯ "I can't believe the author was allowed to describe ---- and ---- ---- not to mention the time he ---- a---- ----"

As you can tell, that's some lurid, steamy and maybe illegal SEX.

So I hope this clears things up about SEX and the AMERICAN MALE and the gargantuan amount of SEX in the book.

Get yourself some SEX at these HOT websites:
Amazon.com
Barnes & Noble
Kobo
BookBaby
Scribd.
Copia
Ciando
iTunes
GoodReads

Also, be on the lookout for these future steamy books from Big Ben's Publishing:
SEX at Sea
SEX on a Plane
SEX and the American Female
SEX, SEX and more SEX

The Thurber Brigade apologizes to those readers offended by the above comments from the publisher as well as those offended by the repeated and blatant use of the word SEX since we know there are a ton of angry feminists out there who already think that we are SEXist pigs and too often use SEX to make a point or stimulate readers through the arbitrary use of that word and SEXual imagery. We also want to apologize if we continue to imply you are wimble-brain prudes who have the sense of humor of a sea slug and the intellect of Donald Trump supporters and wouldn't recognize satire/parody if it kicked you in a SEX organ. Sorry.

Ahhhh, James Thurber!