In the bottom drawer of one of my file cabinets sit hundreds of
rejection letters. These are from publishers, editors, agents, etc. for
countless submissions of books, articles and stories. Some of the letters are nice; some
include reasons why; some, probably the majority, are soulless standardized
form letters. All have the same impact: momentary depression, then resolve to
try again.
Did I mention I was stubborn?
Of course, like most guys I’ve had twice that amount (or more) of rejections
from women. It ranges from the rejection by the girl of my dreams when I
was 10 to my request to sit by her in the school lunchroom, to that night at
The Continental Club when 10 different women turned down my request to dance
(several were even dancing in place as if they were keen to hit the dance
floor).
Oh, and let me bring up here how men are required to make First Contact—as I’ve
blogged before. So although the rejection still stings, we guys get used to the
soul wrenching experience. No, we're not immune to the pain of the psychological
slap to the face, but we drive on regardless.
I bring rejection up because it is tied to the notorious “#metoo” phenomenon. It's closely related to my blog about cat calling. Some men are good at
approaching females, some not so much. Some smooth, some irresponsibly boorish. Some can knock off a woman's socks with
a line, some get their blocks knocked off for saying something crass.
So a natural outgrowth of this is that some men who know they are required to
make the first move, take it too far. Those who have a little prestige or
power, may even begin to use that status to push the envelope. Some of
these even enter the realm of going waaaay too far (sexual assault).
Now understand that I’m not implying that because men must make First Contact
it's okay to be a little aggressive as long as you don't go too far. I am
however implying that women have a hand in this. No, not blame for it,
but responsibility for initiating an almost Pavlovian-ingrained male trait.
Before all those angry feminists that harangue me start tweeting away, let me
give an example of what I’m getting at here. Let's say that I’m walking
down the rough streets of some city openly counting a wad of money.
Within a block I get mugged. Probably 9 out of 10 people will say
“well, what did you expect?” Oh, they may say the mugger is the guilty
party, but they'll also strongly suggest that I precipitated the robbery.
So why can't women understand that they have a hand in creating the situation
that precipitated the #metoo problem? Just like I shouldn't be blamed for
getting robbed, women shouldn't be blamed for some guy accosting them.
Just like I shouldn't be blamed for waving around a bunch of money, they
shouldn’t be blamed for wearing provocative clothing or walking too close to a
coworker.
However, just like I must recognize that I may have set up the chance to be
robbed, women should understand that by not taking a hand in starting a
relationship they are guiding a male behavior pattern.
Face it, men have always been aggressive when it comes to meeting females. It
began when cave men would kill to claim a fertile woman to take back to the
cave, transformed to a sailor home on leave from the war in the Pacific hitting
on the girl serving sodas at the drug store and morphed into today's bar scene
of some guy asking to dance.
Along the way, humankind has changed and
modernized, but for some reason, women taking a hand in First Contact never
has. So they've championed for the right to vote and equal rights, but stayed
mum on taking responsibility to get a relationship off the ground.
So excuse me if I only give passing acknowledgment to those #metoo advocates.
No, guys shouldn't assault women or abuse them verbally, but until women
make a change in behavior themselves, expect guys to make as many unwise
approaches as smooth ones. After all, I've learned to never take cash out
of my wallet until absolutely needed.
