Here in the United States people consider sex to be dirty. Oh, other western
countries may have the same mind set, but it's unlikely—or at least, not as
extreme. We won't even begin to imagine the minds in the third world.
Anyway, here in the U.S. if you think about sex all the time, you have a dirty
mind. Likewise, your mind is in the gutter if you think about different
sexual positions. Mention some of these to your girlfriend and she'll
probably smile sheepishly, raise an eyebrow and say:
“Oh, you dirty boy.”
In the old days, guys would buy dirty magazines. No, they weren’t mags
that had been dropped in the mud or dirt, they were publications with dirty
pictures of women in them. These were sometimes also called “skin mags,”
or “beat-off rags” or “sex books” (not really a book, a magazine). The
proper name would be pornography magazine, or porn mags, but if your mother
discovered one in your room, they were always dirty magazines. Or “filthy”
if Mom was really angry.
They're still around today of course, but now everyone consumes most porn on the
internet. That's why it was invented after all. Right? No one calls it dirty internet, although, I guess, some might say they surfed to a dirty
website.
Oh, and it's not just guys who have dirty minds, even though we probably think
about sex more often. You often
can hear discussions—or admissions—that someone is a dirty girl. Or a man
might try to taunt his girlfriend into a dirty act by asking “are you a good
girl or a dirty girl?”
I bring all of this up because I think this belief system has been extended
to our personal hygiene. Since
people believe that sex is dirty, to them it also follows that if you touch
your penis your hand is now dirty. Not because it IS dirty, but the
concept is that because the penis might have been involved (or can be involved)
in a sex act, your hand is dirty.
So if you go to pee, because you have touched your penis you must wash your
hands. Even if you didn’t get any, um, liquid on them. In truth,
your hands are far more dirty than your penis. Your hands have come into
contact with doorknobs that have been handled by people with colds. You’ve
opened doors using handles touched by folks who sneezed into their hands. You
shook the hand of someone who is sweating profusely and has just petted a
slobbering dog. You probably type on a computer keyboard that hasn't been
cleaned in months.
Truthfully, if you really wanted to be hygienic you’d wash your hands before
you touched your penis. But no,
because your penis may take part in dirty acts, better wash your hands after
contact.
Some will counter that because your crotch is a rather warm environment it
means there's more likelihood of bacteria, so that is why you should wash your
hands. However, when you scratch your armpit (which is also in a warm environment) you don’t wash your hands. Plus,
your hands get plenty sweaty on their own whenever they are put to use on a
warm day. I always have to remind people that sweat is 99% water and is only
smelly if it contacts bacteria—it doesn't create it.
So I don't think of sex as a dirty act, don't think I have a dirty mind because
I think about sex a lot, and slowly I’m trying to retrain myself into not
thinking I have to wash my hands every time I touch my penis.
It's been pounded into my psyche for a lifetime, so
it may take awhile. Do your part and don't guilt your offspring into thinking their
hands are diseased unless they wash after using the toilet. That's for a Number One of course. A Number Two they
better wash their hands. I sure
don’t want to touch any doorknobs after them if they don’t.
(A few words for your dirty mind)
We at The Thurber Brigade hope you enjoyed this “Dirty Blog” and may
sometime in the future also tackle other odd concepts here in the U.S. Concepts such as if you are a loud,
blowhard, you are strong, while if you are a quiet guy, you are a sniveling
weakling.
