Around 300 CE the Cardinal ran up to the Pope while in a
most agitated state. The Pope held up
his hand in a calming manner to placate the worried man.
“Calm thyself Cardinal.”
“We have a crisis your excellency!” the Cardinal exclaimed.
“What crisis?”
“The people are dancing around naked and drinking heavily
all in the name of Eostre!”
“Well, we can’t have that.
I have a plan though. Go gather
the people around and I will make a declaration.”
So, the Cardinal rushed off and after getting the people
clothed and somewhat sober, convinced them to go and hear what the Pope wanted
to tell them.
“People there is a new holiday you should celebrate. It is one that commemorates the death and
resurrection of Jesus. This holiday will
be heretofore known as Easter!” the Pope exclaimed.
The people mumbled amongst themselves and looked
questioningly at the Pope. “Easter?”
That sounds suspiciously like our favorite time of the year when we celebrate
Eostre,” one man said.
“Um, no, no, it’s not related to Eostre at all,” the Pope
assured him.
Monty Python would celebrate Eostre
“It seems strange to celebrate someone’s death,” another
peasant said to the Pope. “I mean, from the description your priests have told us in the
past it
sounds rather bloody.”
“Yeah, and that story they tell about Jesus sure sounds a
lot like the story of Inanna and Horus,” anther person shouted. “I mean, they were killed, went to the
underworld and came back.”
“No, no, those stories are just myths. This story of Jesus
is real. You can trust me,” the Pope said as convincingly as he could.
“We like Eostre though,” several others chimed in. “We get to dance and drink, we paint eggs and
carry around rabbits to celebrate the new spring and virility.”
“Well, you can still have eggs and rabbits,” the Pope
said.
“Can we dance and drink too?” a man at the back asked.
“Of course you can, although I think it best to keep your
clothes on,” the Pope answered.
The people furrowed their brows and wrinkled their
noses. “We’re not sure about this
holiday.”
“Oh, you’ll love it,” the Pope assured them. “You’ll have a
great time.”
So the people decided to celebrate both holidays. After all, the more holidays the better. However, slowly but surely the Pope and his
successors convinced them to just celebrate Easter. With time, he also got the
people to calm down more and celebrate with less enthusiasm.
The church kept the eggs and rabbits, but got the people to
dispense with the dancing and drinking. A small group of pagans didn’t like
this turn of events and vowed to one day return the holiday to its more
spirited nature.
Slowly but surely the old Eostre followers have been
stressing the eggs and rabbits. So today
you can actually find people telling stories of big rabbits hiding chocolate
eggs. They sneakily got the church to offer sunrise services which celebrate an
old solar celebration. Also, the Pagans convinced the Pope to base the time of Easter
on the phases of the moon. Although they haven’t
been able to bring back the wild dancing (to a degree), but have had more luck with the
drinking aspect with their Easter sales at liquor stores.
So whether you follow celebrations of Horus, Inanna, Eostre/Ostara
or Easter we at The Thurber Brigade wish you a pleasant holiday.
Ahhh, James Thurber
We at The Thurber Brigade apologize if this story sounds a little like our annual Christmas story. We can't help that a certain religion co-opted several Pagan celebrations to try and win over the people. We also apologize to the serious religious types for making fun of the Pope, religion, myths, etc. We don't regret it, nor doubt the above story has some basis in reality, but we apologize as we want you to continue to enjoy whatever holiday you celebrate. Cheers.
