How pleasing it is that so many people clamor for more freedom.
Especially when it comes to matters that affect them personally. I'm so in
favor, but it needs to be more than just about a little shot.
It's my Constitutional right to drink as much as I want. Likewise, after
drinking as much as I want, it’s also my God-given right to drive. FREEDOM!
If I were to get hurt while driving after drinking, so what? That’s on me, a
consequence of my choice of freedom. If someone else were to get hurt, we’ll,
they should have kept their distance.
If people express concern about being on
the road with us drinkers, well, it's their option to drive or stay off the
road. No one is forcing them to be around us drinkers. FREEDOM!
Recently, I gave my little boy Tucker a shotgun and all the neighbors are up in
arms! So what if that ten-year-old wanders around the block with it showing
off? It's his constitutional right and anyone who objects is just some
namby-pamby libtard. FREEDOM!
So everybody needs to get off their high horse and allow us freedom-loving
Americans to do what is right and just for our liberty. Just as god gave us
Trump to lead our nation to Freedom, we must continue to demand our God-given
rights. FREEDOM!
The Thurber Brigade would like to apologize for this satirical sidestep that takes
aim at the anti-vaxxers. But we won't. If you are one of those idiots who
politicizes health issues or even worse, believes the right-wing crazies who espouse personal belief over science, fuck off. As a kid, I got my polio shot
in elementary school without any nonsense about personal liberty or freedom
because my folks weren’t stupid, knuckle draggers. Get the shot. Wear a mask in
crowded indoor settings. Care about the public good. Be a caring citizen.
If I were to get hurt while driving after drinking, so what? That’s on me, a
consequence of my choice of freedom. If someone else were to get hurt, we’ll,
they should have kept their distance. 
