The Thurber Brigade's Annual Story of Christmas

A bright star shone above the Earth and three wise men followed it to their destination.  They came a long way because of the knowledge they had of the events.  

They came to meet the Pope, probably around 400 C.E. 

“The pagans are enjoying Saturnalia way too much” the wise men told the Pope.  “They’re dancing, singing, giving gifts to friends, burning trees.  It’s woefully unbecoming a modern society and a threat to entice our followers to imbibe in the joyful celebration.”

“You are right,” the Pope agreed.  “We must do something to ensure that we can maintain our control.”

Pope vs. Pagan Headgear

Therefore, the Pope and his followers came up with a plan.

They began to promote a celebration of Christ (Christ-Mass) during the same time as Saturnalia.  When asked why have a celebration, they explained that it was to celebrate Christ’s birth.

The pagans were skeptical at first.  “Didn’t you say Christ was born in the spring?  Around March?”  one asked.  “I heard the Pope say he was born in August,” another chimed in helpfully.

The Pope said he had made a mistake, due to the change in the calendar system to the more modern Julian one.  Christ was indeed born in December, the Pope assured everyone.

The pagans still didn’t like it.

Join the "Vikings" (on History Channel) as they light the Yule Log

“Saturnalia is fun.  We get gifts, we have this cool tree, there’s dancing and singing,” they said.

“You can still do that,” the Pope professed.  “It’s a birthday party after all, isn’t it?”

So the pagans began to celebrate both holidays, but as more and more were convinced to switch over to Christianity, Saturnalia fell out of favor.  However, those pagans who still celebrated their cherished Saturnalia swore they’d take it back.

It took longer than they expected, but slowly and surely, the pagans have regained control of their celebration.  

The pagans made their biggest push in the 1950s and 60s by adding massive parades and celebrations to the winter festival.  They also brought in more symbols from other pagans’ beliefs, such as a rotund, bearded man giving gifts, and instead of burning logs as in the days of yore, they added colorful lights to the trees they dance around.

Through the 70s and 80s they advocated for more consumerism via bigger and better gifts.  Spellbinding advertisements for big, shiny cars and glittery jewels predominate the airwaves.  “Buy more! It will prove your love,” they proclaim.

So today the pagans have taken back the holiday—but have cleverly decided to keep it under the title “Christmas.” 

The celebration keeps getting expanded too, now beginning on the Friday after Thanksgiving (Pagan Black Friday) and continuing through New Year's.  There are competitions to have the biggest tree and brightest light displays.  Children are taught that the best gifts are the most expensive and the ones hardest to acquire.  In addition, of course, there are large gatherings to sing and perform in celebration of the holiday.

It has been a subtle takeover by the pagans, but they have finally reclaimed what was theirs.  So far, the Pope has not responded.

The Thurber Brigade wishes everyone a Happy Holiday—no matter which one you celebrate!

Yes, yes, it's another rerun from the Thurber Brigade.  Admit it though, you are already watching a ton of reruns, from "Miracle on 34th Street" to "It's a Wonderful Life" so why not one more?  Besides, The Brigade is busy buying presents and celebrating all the holidays that enjoy drinking and so hasn't had time to come up with some snarky blog about relationships.  We promise that after the New Year (and after all the football games) we'll get back on track.  Until then, enjoy the holidays and your friends.  

 

 

 

The Radical (a rerun of sorts)

It looks like we're stuck with another four years of, well, I don't want to say his name so I'll just stick to calling him The Orange Blob.  Some Progressives swear they're going to leave the country. However, a large number of us plan to stay and fight. I've been what right-wingers call a Radical for some time (I actually consider myself a moderate). Although I've been on picket lines and various protest rallies through the years, nowadays I mainly just write letters to editors or blog. So with the next fight about to begin, I thought I'd rerun a blog from seven years ago about how I became "Radical." Sort of a statement to let the MAGAts know that "we Radicals ain't going nowhere."

Although today it seems rather odd given that I consider myself a Progressive, as a youth one of my heroes was John Wayne.  Everyone knows his politics leaned to the right.  However, looking at some of his movies from a political aspect, he starred in numerous ones that espoused Liberal issues.

For example, one of my favorites is “The Sons of Katie Elder.”  Oh sure, on the surface it may seem to be the story of wayward boys returning home to pay respects to their departed mother, but if you look a little deeper, you'll find progressive themes.  Basically, these rough boys stand up against an unjust system and fight a ruthless corporation who is backed by local law enforcement. In other words, the little guy against a plutocracy.

I know, you missed that too.  I didn't really grasp this message until I aged a bit (hey, don’t say grew old). As a kid, I just saw it as standing up to injustice no matter the odds.

So the seeds of my radicalization (the view of my conservative friends on anyone who doesn't hold their views) had begun.  Yes, standing up for the little guy against injustice, instead of just concerning yourself with what benefits you, is radical here in the U.S. You are a bleeding heart Liberal.

Well, those seeds that had been planted began to blossom while in college.  Nope, not over the Vietnam War.  It began with tennis.  Women's tennis.  Yes, true to The Thurber Brigade theme, it turns out women made me that raging, radical Liberal.

In my sophomore year at Texas Tech (eventually got my degree from the University of Texas; another story), my friends and I went out to play tennis at the spanking new student tennis courts.  However, they had been taken over by the women’s tennis team for some match against another school.  I should point out that at this time the men’s team had some really nice courts they used exclusively, while the women’s courts were, well, they were crappier than something you’d find in a public park. 

For some reason, the men’s team was unwilling to share their nice courts. The women’s team, not wishing to irritate them or the athletic department (controlled by men), decided to instead make a move on the common students—who probably had even less power or voice with those in charge.  Historical note: Title IX had only recently kicked in (1972) and women’s sports across the US were very slowly getting their due.  Very, very slowly.

Outraged at this, I did the only thing voiceless and powerless people have done for years: I wrote a letter to the editor of the school newspaper.  Although I’m sure it was an explosive and moving letter, the only part I remember is that I used the phrase “the students get screwed again.”  Probably the only reason I remember that phrase is because I heard some “suits” repeat it as they walked out of the rowdy hearing that resulted from said letter.

That’s right, my first attempt at social justice somehow touched a nerve across campus.  Soon other angry letters flooded the paper, and with some threatening to organize a protest rally the administration decided the way to calm things would be to have an open discussion between students, the women’s team and the administration.

My friends and I joined the packed house and even got to sit at the front table opposite the suits.  Because the student courts were paid for by a special fee assigned to us, we believed we had the upper-hand and we attempted to stress that although we supported the women’s team and thought they were treated unfairly, it wasn’t right to be equally unfair to us.  We also, numerous times, asked why the men and women teams couldn’t share the men’s team courts.

To this day I proudly declare to everyone that we had an impact.  The women’s team only played on the student courts one more time after that, supposedly because they didn’t have enough time to reschedule.  However, I wouldn’t be surprised if the administration had begun to feel pressure because of Title IX and relented to have the men and women’s teams share until something new could be built for the women.

So my radicalization had begun.  I would fight for justice and the little guy thereafter.  As mentioned in a previous blog, I worked for enlisted people’s rights while in the Army, I took part in several civil rights demonstrations and well, let’s just say I fought for issues in which John Wayne would not show up for the rallies.  You know, radical Liberal ideas like clean air and water, fair pay, feed the poor, etc.

Now before you say it also began my opposition to women, let me point out that half of the crowd supporting my friends and I were women. Plus, I have—and always will—support women’s rights, from equal pay to their right to choose what happens to their bodies.  However, I’m also willing to make fun of them and say sarcastic things about their habits.  Yes, the Brigade marches on. 

James Thurber!  

The Thurber Brigade does not believe that having Progressive ideals makes a person radical.  However, thanks to Fox News relentless war on Liberals many people now believe that standing for clean air and water, equal rights, fair pay, well, anything not approved by the Neocon pundits is just short of being card-carrying Communists.  However, if standing up for the welfare of others throws us into that crowd, then we're proud to be radical.

 

Trump is a Clown

The Thurber Brigade has written numerous blogs about how terrible the Orange One is as a person, a businessman and a politician. They include how he is insane, a bad businessman, is a Republican in name only (RINO), is just bad, is unpopular, well, the list goes on (including a long list of why not to vote for him).

What I take most from these past years of exposure to this guy who wears more makeup than Dolly Parton, is that he’s a clown. He really does some goofy, stupid things. So here are a few memes to laugh at and share that express his clownness.

Yes, he really did look at an eclipse without protection.

He is so insanely jealous of Kamala Harris that she lives in his brain, causing him to do odd stunts like act like he was working at a McDonald's.

The Orange Blob would do a better job as a clown in a circus than a businessman as he's even owned a casino that went bankrupt.

During one rowdy demonstration by protestors, he ran to the presidential bunker to hide. Then, so embarrassed, he tried to prove he was tough by tear gassing other demonstrators to clear them out so he could go to a church and hold up a Bible.

Promising to drain the swamp, he filled it instead with greedy, white men who wanted to make profit of their government jobs. He put family members in important positions in his administration. He even overrode FBI security checks to give many who worked for him positions of power. Basically, he ran an expensive (to taxpayers) circus.

Definitely losing his mind, he rants uncontrollably at his pep rallies, that he uses to feed his ego, but probably don't do much for his reelection. 

He's going to lose the popular vote once again this election. With luck, he will also lose the electoral college (an antiquated and anti-democratic mistake from our past). We can only hope that we will finally see the last of this clown.

 

Ahhh, James Thurber

The Thurber Brigade has been blogging about this clown far more than it wants to. We can't stand by and let him get away with his goofy behavior though, and so felt an obligation to, well, make fun of him. We at The Brigade hope he will shortly disappear from public—or if we're really lucky, he'll end up sitting in jail. We're ready to get back to blogging about important things like women's fashion compared to men's or how to throw a good pickup line. Maybe soon.

 

Dump Trump—A Thurber Brigade Rerun

(This blog first ran on October 30, 2020. Yes, right before the election that kicked the Orange One from the White House. We at the Thurber Brigade believe it is important to remind everyone why we do not want that Orange Blob back in Washington. So read over this list and then be sure and vote for Kamala Harris in November.)

From the opening bell, the tRump administration has been a disaster.  From sketchy inaugural donations and lying about crowd size, to today's COVID mishandling and endangering democracy by throwing shade on elections The Orange One's (my preferred reference) time in office has damaged this country. 

So to help jog people's memory, here's a short list of things he's done that the MAJORITY of Americans will find distasteful/illegal/evil/unAmerican.

THE LIST

• Claimed millions voted illegally
• Put children in cages
• Refused to release tax returns
• Denigrated Gold Star family
• Calls free press “enemy of the people”
• Has lied over 15,000+ times

• Gave security clearance to Ivanka and Jared over intelligence objections
• Denigrated John McCain for being a POW
• Thinks of veterans as suckers and losers
• Skipped Normandy ceremony as he didn't want to ruin his hair in the rain

• Politicized masks and other possible ways to mitigate spread of COVID
• Banned Muslims from entering country unless they are from a country he does business with
• Called Nazis very fine people
• Insults allies
• Praises dictators
• Ignored intelligence reports about Russian bounties on US troops
• Called African nations “shithole countries”
• Belittles US generals and believes he knows more then them
• Stole money from his charity and is banned

from having any new ones
• Foreign governments stay in his hotels to curry favors
• Forces government employees to stay in his properties while traveling
• Played golf more than any prez after stating he wouldn't have time to play
• Government must foot bill for his golf excursions which means we have paid his company over 200 times his salary
• Promoted snake oil cures for COVID 

• Donates his salary as a tax dodge because he makes so much off golf trips.
• paid off porn star to remain quiet about sexual affair
• Had sexual affair while wife was pregnant with son
• Promised to build wall along border has only completed three miles of new fence and Mexico will not pay for it
• During campaign his operatives had numerous meeting with Russian agents in order to gain an advantage

• Obstructed investigation into his Russian connections
• Attempted to bribe Ukrainian president for help with his election
• Asked China to help him win re-election
• Impeached for Ukrainian scheme and his obstruction of subsequent investigation 
• Has nearly daily Twitter

   

tantrums
• Attacks private citizens on Twitter
• Hurls childish nicknames at those he perceives as foes
• Removed clean water and air regulations
• Promised to get drug prices lowered, instead they went up
• Drain the swamp? He added more swamp creatures
• Knocked out the teeth of the EPA
• Kicked Dept. of Interior in the

balls
• Dumbed down the Department of Education
• Suspected of being Russian asset
• Supports white supremacy groups 
• Validates racism
• Inherited a good economy, destroyed it
• Highest trade deficit in years
• Started tariff war with China, lost
• Ignored scientists on COVID

• Due to tariff war had highest number of small farm bankruptcies since depression

• Utilized secret police against citizens

• Didn’t replenish national supplies of PPE and other medical equipment

• Promoted budget that would diminish Social Security and Medicare 

  
  

• Federal government seized PPE from states who imported it for their state’s use

• Owes millions of dollars, possibly to foreign interests that could compromise US security

• Tax cuts for rich, peanuts for others

• No definitive foreign policy

• To help his business interests, caved to Turkey and betrayed our Kurdish allies

• He has become a laughing stock of other world leaders

• Favorability of US in the world has gone down except in dictatorship countries

• Largest civil unrest in nation since Vietnam years 

This is not an all-inclusive list, there are tons of regulations meant to protect us he has overridden, countless people he has insulted, untold number

of norms he has violated and more. At least this is a starting point though of why you should not vote to give him four more years. If he is reelected it will be an incomprehensible disaster for this country. So read over this short list one more time and go vote for Joe Biden KAMALA HARRIS. Return this country to decency and prominence. Vote The Orange One out.

Ah, James Thurber

The Thurber Brigade apologizes for this rerun and for once again getting off the path of making light of the interaction between men and women. This election may be the most important one in our lifetime and so we cannot remain silent about the awful actions of TFG. The Brigade will get back to its usual snarky self next time. Maybe.

 

Ultimate RINO

There’s a meme floating around the internet since about 2015 in which Donald Trump says that if he were to run for office, he’d do it as a Republican because they’re so stupid.

Well, he never really said that. He may have thought it, but it never said it publicly.

However, he often seems to act that way. He keeps changing parties.  Trump registered as a Republican in 1987; a member of the Independence Party, the New York state affiliate of the Reform Party, in 1999; a Democrat in 2001; a Republican in 2009; unaffiliated in 2011; and a Republican in 2012.

He must be doing it as a business strategy. Whichever will serve him best at the time, that’s the party he’ll switch to.

His ideas about why he changes seems to change just as often.

In 2004, he confessed to Wolf Blitzer: "It just seems that the economy does better under the Democrats than the Republicans. Now, it shouldn't be that way. But if you go back, I mean it just seems that the economy does better under the Democrats....But certainly we had some very good economies under Democrats, as well as Republicans. But we've had some pretty bad disasters under the Republicans."

However, in 2015 he had other thoughts. “I am a conservative person. I am by nature a conservative person. I never looked at putting a label on myself, I wasn’t in politics.   But if you look at my general attitudes in life I would certainly have the more conservative label put on me."

Republicans have often wondered about whether he was a real Republican too.  “He was a Democrat longer than he was a Republican. He's given more money to Democrats than he has to Republicans," Jeb Bush said.

Face it, when you think about the history of the Republican party, Trump is nothing like their leaders of the past. In your mind can you lump him in with Lincoln, Teddy, Ike, Reagan or even Bush I & II?

Of course not. If he adheres to any of the tenets of the party, it’s only to further some interest of his. Except for his hardcore base of zealots, everyone knows that everything he does is purely for him.

I’m bring this all up because just like the majority of his former cabinet members, hundreds of people who have served in Republican administrations in the past and the majority of military leaders who have had to follow his orders have stated publicly, you are not giving up your affiliation with the GOP if you don’t vote for him.

"Let me be clear to my Republican friends at home: If you vote for Kamala Harris in 2024 you’re not a Democrat, you’re a patriot,” former Georgia Lt. Gov. Geoff Duncan (R) said.

Trump is the ultimate RINO—Republican in name only.  So be patriotic and put country before party. Vote for Kamala Harris for president.

Ahhh, James Thurber

We here at The Thurber Brigade once again apologize for yet another side step away from the “War Between Men and Women” (relationships) in order to blog about The Orange One. Sure, we’ve blogged about how he’s insane, how he is bad and how he is really unpopular. But with the election drawing so near we believe we need to keep pounding home how this person should never be in the White House again. We promise to get back to the straight and narrow real soon. Maybe. Oh, look, football season is about to begin!