The Thurber Brigade's Annual "Story of Christmas"

A bright star shone above the Earth and three wise men followed it to their destination.  They came a long way because of the knowledge they had of the events.   

They came to meet the Pope, probably around 400 C.E. 

“The pagans are enjoying Saturnalia way too much” the wise men told the Pope.  “They’re dancing, singing, giving gifts to friends, burning trees.  It’s woefully unbecoming a modern society and a threat to entice our followers to imbibe in the joyful celebration.”

“You are right,” the Pope agreed.  “We must do something to ensure that we can maintain our control.” 

Pagan Shaman  vs. Pope Headgear 

Therefore, the Pope and his followers came up with a plan.

They began to promote a celebration of Christ (Christ-Mass) during the same time as Saturnalia.  When asked why have a celebration, they explained that it was to celebrate Christ’s birth. 

The pagans were skeptical at first.  “Didn’t you say Christ was born in the spring?  Around March?”  one asked.  “I heard the Pope say he was born in August,” another chimed in helpfully.

The Pope said he had made a mistake, due to the change in the calendar system to the more modern Julian one.  Christ was indeed born in December, the Pope assured everyone.

The pagans still didn’t like it. 

Be sure and watch "Vikings" on The History Channel

“Saturnalia is fun.  We get gifts, we have this cool tree, there’s dancing and singing,” they said.

“You can still do that,” the Pope professed.  “It’s a birthday party after all, isn’t it?”

So the pagans began to celebrate both holidays, but as more and more were convinced to switch over to Christianity, Saturnalia fell out of favor.  However, those pagans who still celebrated their cherished Saturnalia swore they’d take it back.

It took longer than they expected, but slowly and surely, the pagans have regained control of their celebration.  

The pagans made their biggest push in the 1950s and 60s by adding massive parades and celebrations to the winter festival.  They also brought in more symbols from other pagans’ beliefs, such as a rotund, bearded man giving gifts, and instead of burning logs as in the days of yore, they added colorful lights to the trees they dance around. 

Through the 70s and 80s they advocated for more consumerism via bigger and better gifts.  Spellbinding advertisements for big, shiny cars and glittery jewels predominate the airwaves.  “Buy more! It will prove your love,” they proclaim.

So today the pagans have taken back the holiday—but have cleverly decided to keep it under the title “Christmas.” 

The celebration keeps getting expanded too, now beginning on the Friday after Thanksgiving (Pagan Black Friday) and continuing through New Year's.  There are competitions to have the biggest tree and brightest light displays.  Children are taught that the best gifts are the most expensive and the ones hardest to acquire.  In addition, of course, there are large gatherings to sing and perform in celebration of the holiday.

It has been a subtle takeover by the pagans, but they have finally reclaimed what was theirs.  So far, the Pope has not responded.

The Thurber Brigade wishes everyone a Happy Holiday—no matter which one you celebrate!

The Thurber Brigade apologizes for using this rerun once again.  Admit it though, you are already watching a ton of reruns, from "Miracle on 34th Street" to "It's a Wonderful Life" so why not one more?  Besides, The Brigade is busy buying presents and celebrating all the holidays that enjoy drinking and so hasn't had time to come up with some snarky blog about relationships.  We promise that after the New Year (and after all the football games) we'll get back on track.  Until then, enjoy the holidays and your friends.  

 

 

Imagine

Way back in ancient times (the 60s-70s) John Lennon's song "Imagine" became a theme/anthem for troubled times. “Imagine all the people living life in peace” he sang. For the past four years we've lived in troubled times. It seems fitting to imagine what it will be like to no longer have an orange narcissist in the White House.

😀 Imagine cabinet meetings where members don't have to go around the table praising the president 

😀 Imagine world leaders staying in hotels that don't profit whoever is in the White House
😀 Imagine a real religious man in office who actually goes to church and knows the Bible

😀 Imagine not giving away classified intelligence over dinner or during meetings in the White House
😀 Imagine world leaders not laughing behind his back
😀 Imagine standing up to Putin
😀 Imagine children not ripped from their mother’s arms and thrown in cages

😀 Imagine a leader who prepares with staff and experts for all telephone calls with world leaders
😀 Imagine not coddling dictators
😀 Imagine our allies trusting us again with classified intelligence 
😀 Imagine the world community looking up to us again and not pitying us
😀 Imagine competent people in government positions of power

😀 Imagine those competent people making decisions based on science and not on whether it pleased the White House
😀 Imagine no protests overseas when our president visits
😀 Imagine decisions based on science not gut feelings
😀 Imagine breathable air because policies are put in place to protect it and not help corporations pollute it

😀 Imagine having drinkable water for the same reason
😀 Imagine important dignitaries not having to wait two hours for the president to put on his makeup 

😀 Imagine military leaders consulted before making military decisions
😀 Imagine a coordinated national policy to fight the pandemic 
😀 Imagine policies based on how they affect people, not a corporation's bottom line
😀 Imagine working with allies on issues instead of going it alone

😀 Imagine making Putin pay a price for interfering in our affairs and elections
😀 Imagine not having the daily security briefing “dumbed down” 
😀 Imagine the president actually reading the presidential daily briefing

😀 Imagine not putting family members in important government positions
😀 Imagine not granting security clearances to those not approved by intelligence agencies 
😀 Imagine a president who shows empathy for those suffering 

😀 Imagine a president who is a role model and not someone you tell your children to not emulate 
😀 Imagine a president who doesn't promote products in the Oval Office
😀 Imagine a president who doesn't profit off of repeated golf trips to his own property 

😀 Imagine not having fast food as the food of choice for White House visits

😀 Imagine waking up in the morning and not wondering WTF the goofball has done now

😀 Imagine a president who will work with the states to solve the pandemic and not against them based on their votes

😀 Imagine people favored over profit

😀 Imagine traveling overseas and not having people ask us "how could you elect such a terrible person?"

Oh, I can imagine a whole lot of other ideas, but you get the picture. The national nightmare is about to be over. Imagine that.

         You may say I'm a dreamer
         But I'm not the only one
         I hope someday you'll join us
         And the world will be as one

Ahhhh, the sun is rising on a beautiful day (Jan. 20, 2021)

 

Dump Trump

From the opening bell, the tRump administration has been a disaster.  From sketchy inaugural donations and lying about crowd size, to today's COVID mishandling and endangering democracy by throwing shade on elections The Orange One's (my preferred reference) time in office has damaged this country. 

So to help jog people's memory, here's a short list of things he's done that the MAJORITY of Americans will find distasteful/illegal/evil/unAmerican.

THE LIST

• Claimed millions voted illegally
• Put children in cages
• Refused to release tax returns
• Denigrated Gold Star family
• Calls free press “enemy of the people”
• Has lied over 15,000+ times

• Gave security clearance to Ivanka and Jared over intelligence objections
• Denigrated John McCain for being a POW
• Thinks of veterans as suckers and losers
• Skipped Normandy ceremony as he didn't want to ruin his hair in the rain

• Politicized masks and other possible ways to mitigate spread of COVID
• Banned Muslims from entering country unless they are from a country he does business with
• Called Nazis very fine people
• Insults allies
• Praises dictators
• Ignored intelligence reports about Russian bounties on US troops
• Called African nations “shithole countries”
• Belittles US generals and believes he knows more then them
• Stole money from his charity and is banned

from having any new ones
• Foreign governments stay in his hotels to curry favors
• Forces government employees to stay in his properties while traveling
• Played golf more than any prez after stating he wouldn't have time to play
• Government must foot bill for his golf excursions which means we have paid his company over 200 times his salary
• Promoted snake oil cures for COVID 

• Donates his salary as a tax dodge because he makes so much off golf trips.
• paid off porn star to remain quiet about sexual affair
• Had sexual affair while wife was pregnant with son
• Promised to build wall along border has only completed three miles of new fence and Mexico will not pay for it
• During campaign his operatives had numerous meeting with Russian agents in order to gain an advantage

• Obstructed investigation into his Russian connections
• Attempted to bribe Ukrainian president for help with his election
• Asked China to help him win re-election
• Impeached for Ukrainian scheme and his obstruction of subsequent investigation 
• Has nearly daily Twitter

tantrums
• Attacks private citizens on Twitter
• Hurls childish nicknames at those he perceives as foes
• Pudges leaders of other countries aside so he can walk at front
• Threw paper towels at hurricane victims
• Removed clean water and air regulations
• Promised to get drug prices lowered, instead the went up
• Drain the swamp? He added more swamp creatures
• Knocked out the teeth of the EPA
• Kicked Dept. of Interior in the

balls
• Dumbed down the Department of Education
• Suspected of being Russian asset
• Supports white supremacy groups 
• Validates racism
• Inherited a good economy, destroyed it
• Highest trade deficit in years
• Started tariff war with China, lost
• Due to tariff war had highest number of small

farm bankruptcies since depression
• Utilized secret police against citizens
• Largest civil unrest in nation since Vietnam years
• Attacked federal judges he didn't like
• Ignored danger of COVID-19

• Ignored scientists on COVID
• Over 220,000 deaths from COVID and climbing
• Downplayed seriousness of COVID
• No national plan to control COVID

• Dismantled pandemic response team prior to outbreak

• Didn’t replenish national supplies of PPE and other medical equipment

• Federal government seized PPE from states who imported it for their state’s use

• Owes millions of dollars, possibly to foreign interests that could compromise US security

• Tax cuts for rich, peanuts for others

• No definitive foreign policy

• To help his business interests, caved to Turkey and betrayed our Kurdish allies

• He has become a laughing stock of other world leaders

• Favorability of US in the world has gone down except in dictatorship countries

• Promoted budget that would diminish Social Security and Medicare

This is not an all-inclusive list, there are tons of regulations meant to protect us he has overridden, countless people he has insulted, untold number

of norms he has violated and more. At least this is a starting point though of why you should not vote to give him four more years. If he is reelected it will be an incomprehensible disaster for this country. So read over this short list one more time and go vote for Joe Biden. Return this country to decency and prominence. Vote The Orange One out.

Ah, James Thurber

The Thurber Brigade apologizes for once again getting off the path of making light of the interaction between men and women. We couldn’t sit aside without comment though when this most important election in decades takes place on November 3^rd. The Brigade will get back to its usual snarky self next time. Maybe.

Women Say the Darndest Things, Part III

There were so many arguments and comments about the previous blogs on this subject (Part I and Part II) you just knew that a third venture into the area would be forthcoming. Although there were minor interruptions about sports in those, since we have a hold on sports, now seemed like the time to give it another go.

You know, women often say the darndest things when the subject turns to sex. For example, 

WE INTERRUPT THIS BLOG FOR BIG NEWS!
SPORTS ARE BACK!

Coach Jay here again, once more interrupting this blog that I'm sure the author believes will garner him a lot of attention and controversy, to let you know that we have emerged from the dark mantle of a sport-less period. Slightly.

Truthfully, it never went away completely. I blogged a while back about the importance of exercise during these troubled times, so we've still had that to keep us occupied. And of course, there were those who resisted orders to stay apart and recklessly took part in pick-up games of basketball, soccer and more (bad boys and girls. Shame on you). However, real organized sports were put on hold.

Slowly, that began to change. Over in Europe, they began to play football (Americans say soccer) with the Germans leading the way. But soon, other sports began to give it a try, from golf to tennis. Then the bigger ones, by that I mean the ones with more AMERICAN viewers, such as basketball and hockey began to creep back to the public view. Now, AMERICAN football is on the scene.

When the other sports returned, they had very strict guidelines which included no fans were allowed. This meant that they would pipe in crowd noise to simulate fan attendance and to enliven the viewers experience. Football however is being a little more reckless.

Many teams are allowing fans to attend. Admittedly, in small numbers. When you consider that stadiums may hold from 50,000 plus people, only allowing in a fraction may seem safe. Theoretically they could have one person per every six seats. But we're humans. We don't do that, we talk and yell and sometimes sing when at sporting events. But mainly, we huddle together to better enjoy the moment and excitement. And that's what is happening. Instead of everyone spreading appropriately apart, people are gathering in groups or clusters. Often these groups are spread out, but having 10-20 people in a group defeats the idea of social distancing that is so crucial to getting us out of this morass. 

For the players it's different. Most of them get tested two to three times a week. Some teams use “bubbles” that isolate them from the outside world. So the players have a great many safeguards. The fans do not.

Coach Jay suggests that teams and fans keep their distance. Fans should not go to the game, teams should not invite them. We all are desperate to get back to going crazy after a touchdown. To high five your buddy next to you. To boo loudly that lousy call by the ref. But now is not the time for that. We must get out of the humongous death march COVID-19 has brought us and that means having a little discipline. Yes, as a coach that often means I yell at some player for screwing up, or sending someone off to run laps for breaking a team rule. Now however, I can only plead with you to do the right and safe thing.

Wear a mask. Wash your hands. Keep on social distancing. Don't go to places where there are big groups of people together. Don't go to that stadium. We can get through this. If we all do what the doctors and scientists say for just a little while longer, we will get back to the days of wild football games with marching bands, cheerleaders and rowdy fans. Stay safe. 

Now, back to the regularly scheduled blog already in progress.

I know that radical feminists will hate this, but “normal” women, if they are honest, will have to agree. It's obvious.  Whew, aren't you glad The Thurber Brigade tackled this issue once again instead of having one of those odd sidesteps into politics or some social issue? 

Ah, James Thurber