This ain't TRASH!

People love gossip.  Oh, sure, there are some high-brow folks who will scrunch their noses at the thought of gossip filling the air, but you can still catch them sneaking a peek at "People" for news about Angelina and Brad's latest public snit, or what Jennifer says about that noticeable tummy bump.

Humans just love to hear—and talk about —other people.

"Writing Trash and Hunting Buffalo" is my new e-book about gossip. More particularly it's about a Vietnam vet turned gossip columnist who writes biting articles about Hollywood elite in order to bring them back to Earth.

Of course, this book complicates things by infusing symbolism, bitter rivalries, head-strong personalities and personal tics throughout its pages.

For example, the buffalo in the title (and the Warriors who hunt them) represent a dying visage/ideal of our past. They have a link to the main character too, but you'll have to figure out why.

I wrote this book partly because I had these memories of going to Grandma's house in Hays, Kansas as a child and finding these glitzy gossip rags on her coffee table. When the adults weren't looking, I'd grab a few and go to the basement to look them over. As a testosterone-laden kid I mainly liked the pictures of scantily-clad, young starlets. However, thinking back to those memories as an adult, the contrast of the strait-laced Midwestern older woman reading these Babylon chronicles really struck a nerve. So the book points out this internal war between the stereotypical concepts of the Midwest versus The Hollywood jet-set.

Although I knew it would have a Midwestern aspect, initially I thought the main character would be from Iowa. As a Star Trek fan I wanted to give a nod to Captain Kirk as I always choose him over Picard in the debate over the best captain of the Enterprise. I eventually settled on Hutchinson, Kansas as the character's childhood home because of an article I once saw in the 80s that said that city had more millionaires per capita than anywhere (one of the characters is rich).  Okay, my parents lived there for a number of years and that may have been a slight factor too. 

Probably the biggest underlying theme of the book concerns what happens to your soul when you become the thing you despise.  The main character is a pretty straight-as-an-arrow Midwesterner thrown amongst a hedonistic, money-grubbing society he absolutely hates. He has some childhood issues that feed his animosity and reinforce his contempt for those who believe they are superior.  This pretty much makes him a walking time bomb. Yes, it's not light reading.

Okay, it's no Hemingway novel, but I do pay homage to him with a quote from the main character: "To a writer, a bar is the most important place in his life—after the desk his typewriter sits on."

After all, Hemingway was a hard-drinking journalist/novelist.  

Speaking of journalist/novelists, I also had to mention the University of Texas in the book. The main character received his journalism degree from there. I did this partly because Walter Cronkite studied there (yes, a journalism God), but I also earned a journalism degree from UT. As a side note, they used to offer a class called "The journalist as novelist."  Clever link to Hemingway, eh? Sadly, I never got to take the course.

 

So BUY TRASH.  You'll love the characters and get excited about the barroom fights, but maybe you'll also love the internal struggle to maintain your soul while surrounded by a world alien to your beliefs. Happy hunting.

The Thurber Brigade does not apologize for this sidestep (even though it's the third in a row). James Thurber would love TRASH.

She's Got Leg(ging)s, She Knows How to Use Them

Some women and numerous fashionistas seem to have declared war on leggings worn as pants.

Fashion icon Tim Gunn absolutely hates leggings and yoga pants.

There’s a YouTube video that has gone viral of Jamie Higdon Randolph (over) stressing that leggings are not pants and should not be worn as such.

The funniest anti-leggings screed though is the Australian group “Skit Box”  song about “Active Wear” which is basically a sporty-style of leggings.

On the other hand, we single males love leggings (I mention single because married men aren’t allowed to like them without the wife’s permission). They are skin-tight, make us imagine the woman as naked although clearly clothed, and even though leggings help hide some sins, for the most part they allow us guys to see what the legs are shaped like.  As a “leg man” I think they’re hot.

Unfortunately, as discussed previously, women don't dress for men. They dress for other women. So although there might be a tendency for some women to say that they are doing it to get a man’s attention, that's not the reality.

So why do women risk the social media condemnations and askance stares of other women to wear leggings?  Apparently, they have multiple reasons:

Many will say they wear them for comfort.

Some declare they do it because the leggings give them a feeling of empowerment and physicality because they are so often used for exercise and hearty activities.

 

 

They don’t want to mess up their “good” clothes when doing chores or errands.

A few really brave souls will admit they are doing it because they are too lazy to try to pick out something else (the male equivalent to wearing sweat pants).

As stated earlier, we single guys love leggings. So as far as this yearly battle (it surfaces every time fall rolls around) on whether women should wear leggings as pants, let me just conclude by saying “Please, keep it up.”

(Some angry feminists who heard that I was going to blog about leggings said I was only doing it so I could post more pictures of women in tight clothing and not to make social commentary. Um, maybe.)

Whew, aren't you glad this wasn't another one of those ornery side-steps? Back in the groove. (James Thurber would have liked leggings too).

Put Down, But Not Out

We all know that it's up to the male to continue the species, as women never want to make the first move. Well, unless the guy is rich or a rock star (okay, I do know of a few occasions when a woman asked a guy out—but she knew him from work. A female would never go up to a stranger like men would). However, it is always challenging for the male because all sorts of roadblocks are put in their way.

These range from young boys trying to navigate past protective fathers to men trying to find Miss Right in a singles bar where the usual male/female ratio is 10-1. One of the most nefarious roadblocks though is when we encounter or hear about put-downs flung at us by females.

Most men have encountered these for so long we just drive on like it's a speed bump, but for the less experienced, these can seem like major walls to the psyche.  Below are a few examples of put-downs that women toss out like so many hand grenades.

"Man up." Used when a male does something that might be considered feminine, such as crying or complaining about something a female thinks the male should not complain about. Always confusing for the male because the female is always asking him to be more expressive, or constantly chiding him for his lack of emotions.

“Oh, just put on a dress.”  Similar to Man Up, but used as a very pointed commentary about a male not acting male enough. Oddity because women hate it when men say things like "you throw like a girl" etc.

“He's gay.” Used often when a male doesn't show interest in a female. Mostly used by a female to other females, but invariably it comes back to haunt the male through back room whispers and pass along emails. This is one of the reasons straight males resist wearing pastels. Of course let me drop a line from Seinfeld: "not that's there anything wrong with that." However, this is a blog about the differences between men and women and for some reason, women believe this is a coherent put-down.

“I can't believe you are not married.” A satirical jab after a male says something a female doesn't like. Oddly meant as a put down, although the female may not be married herself. Has completely different meaning if said by your aunt. The only appropriate way for a male to respond is straight forward, then roll the eyes when told she was being sarcastic.

“Grow up.” Often used when a male does some physical act the female finds offensive, such as shoving a friend, farting to make a statement. In a way this is a odd put down as most of the time females will say they are attracted to a male's youthful attitude or exuberance.

“My ex-boyfriend did it like this/different...” Often used to belittle a male when he does something the female doesn't like.  She can't just come out and say she doesn't like the behavior because it probably isn't something society would dislike, it's just not to her liking.

“I can't believe you own that.” Usually more specific, like, a car, stereo. Usually in relation to the male saving money by buying something the female believes is cheap, used, old, worn, etc. For example, I remember my brother telling me about a women he dated—from his church no less—who said she was shocked he drove a 10-year old car (he was a young attorney). He wisely didn't want to be in debt, but she was only interested in image. Very Christian-like.

“Are you going to wear/do that again?” Although it might seem like these are two distinct statements, they are actually the same in their scope and use. It's a put-down of something the male believes is acceptable, but the female finds distasteful. For example, if the guy is planning to wear his favorite Hawaiian shirt to a party or if he says he's going to shoot some hoops with his rowdy (and typically single) best friend. Two distinct acts but the female will respond in the same manner.

There are more and maybe we'll include them in the future, but as you see, there are quite a few bricks thrown in the male's windshield as he navigates the relationship highway. Women typically just say the guy needs to "man up" as these are just little harmless comments. However, since they are so fearful of rejection or get tearful at the slightest snide remark by the male it's surprising they don't see the irony.

The best thing for the male to do is just keep driving down that road and put these slights in the rear view. After all, the only alternative is to drive into the ditch and just give up. Or get a beer.

(Get a beer with a female, that is)

(images courtesy of http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/)