Lonely are the Brave

A number of blogs ago, I covered how women absolutely fear making "First Contact."  As much as they believe in equality, it sure doesn't extend to this social endeavor. What I didn't go into though is how they talk a good game, but have no ability to carry through.

Sort of like the short boy who talks trash on a basketball court but then gets slaughtered when he plays in an actual game. He typically doesn't recognize this disparity and if he's lucky enough to actually make a basket will launch once again into a barrage of self-marketing that doesn't correspond to his ability (trash talk, I just didn't want to repeat the phrase).

Oh, you've seen this before and for quite some time. A perfect example is that old Coke commercial where all the women in an office gather at a window each day to watch a construction worker who takes off his shirt to drink a Coca Cola. I should point out how I also blogged once about women's selective vision (Because most women are turned off by construction workers). Anyway, they are all excited about this "hot" guy, but make no attempt at contact. Think any of them will race to that construction site after work to talk to him? Of course not!

I'm a notorious eavesdropper. It's my habit to go to bars, have a drink or two and listen to the conversations around me. It's to help my writing. Really. Anyway, I have lost count of the times I've overheard a table full of women talk about this hot guy or that. However, not once have I ever overheard about how they went up and asked the guy out. I have heard countless times their sadness that he didn't contact them, usually followed with an assertion that the guy must be gay. Yeah, trash talk, no follow-through.

What really gets me though is how so many women talk about how they love sex. There supposedly are studies that show how women really do love sex as much as men, but I've always written them off as the respondents were likely old ladies in a knitting circle filling out a questionnaire.  "Do I like sex? Oh, my, yes, I love sex," they'll say to themselves while reading the test.  They'll then check off the appropriate boxes but never show signs of following through.

These women, supposedly so crazy about sex, are not driven to it the same way as males. Yeah, I've blogged about this too. They have a romantic ideal of love but it's nowhere as compelling as the testosterone-driven urges males experience for sex. So women will visualize making passionate love to that hot construction worker, but will never do anything overt to make it happen. Guys are so driven to sex that the less-evolved of us will resort to catcalls to try to get attention. Socially a no-no, but guys understand the reflex. We're constantly on the hunt.

This disparity is really obvious to us guys from hearing horror stories from our buddies who got married. Suddenly the vixen they knew while dating has turned into the knitting granny. She'll tell her friends how much she likes sex, but will only partake once a month after hubby has taken her to The Ritz (or some other special activity approved by the female).

I remember one conversation with a friend very clearly. He had wondered why I never got married. I admitted that I regretted not having a steady stream of sexual pleasure.  He looked at me scornfully, shook his head and said: "oh, Jay, you just don't understand marriage."

We also hear countless stories of our friends making overtures to their spouses and being rejected—except when the female wants to disrupt a guy's plans for later. Of course, what I'm talking about is how a guy tries to get some on Thursday, is rebuffed, and then on Sunday when he's getting ready to hunker in front of The Tube to watch the Raiders vs. Lions she suddenly gets amorous. That's right, some game comes on the male wants to watch and the female suddenly reverts to her single days. The mood seems to pass after the game though, and she invariably will tell her friends how much she likes sex, but her caveman male is just never interested.

We single guys have it tough too because obviously we have to do the hunting (make contact). The female, professing to like sex, makes it difficult for the male to hook up. My own classical example is one night going out to a local nightclub called "The Continental Club." A dark, loud and very cool bar/music venue back in the "old Austin" days (for those who remember, it had a pool table in front. Yeah, that long ago). Nowadays, it's still okay, but is more "hip" then cool.  Anyway, I asked 10 different women to dance. Not one accepted. Not even the one standing beside the dance floor tapping her foot. Not the one swaying by the bar. Perhaps they thought I might be a serial killer (come on, I was a cutie in the old days when I had hair), but really all I wanted to do was dance and maybe make an introduction. Sure, Cyndi Lauper, "girls just want to have fun." 

Hunting is tough for us single males.

I could bring up more tales, such as female erotica writers irritated by contact from males, or women supposedly on the prowl who go out in large, ominous packs, or (more common) women who lament lack of male companionship yet never venture out to where males congregate, but you get the point: if you talk trash, be able to back it up with performance. 

The notorious Thurber Brigade note: Yes, you guessed it.  The title of this blog is taken from a great 60s movie staring Kirk Douglas and Walter Matthau. LONELY ARE THE BRAVE concerns the difficulty of facing change. It's a sad movie, but give it a view some time.