The Thurber Brigade's Annual "Story of Christmas"

A bright star shone above the Earth and three wise men followed it to their destination.  They came a long way because of the knowledge they had of the events.   

They came to meet the Pope, probably around 400 C.E. 

“The pagans are enjoying Saturnalia way too much” the wise men told the Pope.  “They’re dancing, singing, giving gifts to friends, burning trees.  It’s woefully unbecoming a modern society and a threat to entice our followers to imbibe in the joyful celebration.”

“You are right,” the Pope agreed.  “We must do something to ensure that we can maintain our control.” 

Pagan Shaman  vs. Pope Headgear 

Therefore, the Pope and his followers came up with a plan.

They began to promote a celebration of Christ (Christ-Mass) during the same time as Saturnalia.  When asked why have a celebration, they explained that it was to celebrate Christ’s birth. 

The pagans were skeptical at first.  “Didn’t you say Christ was born in the spring?  Around March?”  one asked.  “I heard the Pope say he was born in August,” another chimed in helpfully.

The Pope said he had made a mistake, due to the change in the calendar system to the more modern Julian one.  Christ was indeed born in December, the Pope assured everyone.

The pagans still didn’t like it. 

Be sure and watch "Vikings" on The History Channel

“Saturnalia is fun.  We get gifts, we have this cool tree, there’s dancing and singing,” they said.

“You can still do that,” the Pope professed.  “It’s a birthday party after all, isn’t it?”

So the pagans began to celebrate both holidays, but as more and more were convinced to switch over to Christianity, Saturnalia fell out of favor.  However, those pagans who still celebrated their cherished Saturnalia swore they’d take it back.

It took longer than they expected, but slowly and surely, the pagans have regained control of their celebration.  

The pagans made their biggest push in the 1950s and 60s by adding massive parades and celebrations to the winter festival.  They also brought in more symbols from other pagans’ beliefs, such as a rotund, bearded man giving gifts, and instead of burning logs as in the days of yore, they added colorful lights to the trees they dance around. 

Through the 70s and 80s they advocated for more consumerism via bigger and better gifts.  Spellbinding advertisements for big, shiny cars and glittery jewels predominate the airwaves.  “Buy more! It will prove your love,” they proclaim.

So today the pagans have taken back the holiday—but have cleverly decided to keep it under the title “Christmas.” 

The celebration keeps getting expanded too, now beginning on the Friday after Thanksgiving (Pagan Black Friday) and continuing through New Year's.  There are competitions to have the biggest tree and brightest light displays.  Children are taught that the best gifts are the most expensive and the ones hardest to acquire.  In addition, of course, there are large gatherings to sing and perform in celebration of the holiday.

It has been a subtle takeover by the pagans, but they have finally reclaimed what was theirs.  So far, the Pope has not responded.

The Thurber Brigade wishes everyone a Happy Holiday—no matter which one you celebrate!

The Thurber Brigade apologizes for using this rerun once again.  Admit it though, you are already watching a ton of reruns, from "Miracle on 34th Street" to "It's a Wonderful Life" so why not one more?  Besides, The Brigade is busy buying presents and celebrating all the holidays that enjoy drinking and so hasn't had time to come up with some snarky blog about relationships.  We promise that after the New Year (and after all the football games) we'll get back on track.  Until then, enjoy the holidays and your friends. 

The Gift of the Anti-Magi

How could he express his love for Delia with this year's Christmas present? Jimmy Young thought of his wife and what she had said and a light bulb turned on in his mind. They had been through so much together, the early days when they barely had food to eat to the disastrous restaurant incidents. Now that they had made a decent life for themselves, he could afford to give her the gift she'd been dreaming of for some time.

Delia loved her husband and admired his drive to give them a better life. Sure, at times he could be too literal and not see the forest for the trees, or be willing to pause now and then to smell the flowers along his path. However, she knew he loved her deeply and she desired to show her own devotion by giving a precious, endearing gift for Christmas.

So the day arrived and each believed they had found the perfect expression of their love for the other.  Jimmy carried out a very large box festively decorated and it stood nearly equal in size to their modest Christmas tree.  Delia brought out a large blue box with a red ribbon and placed it lovingly at her adoring husband’s feet.

“You go first,” Jimmy said.

So Delia walked up to the large box presented by Jimmy and carefully began to unwrap the gift. After Jimmy suggested she not worry about saving the paper and just “let her rip,” she tore the rest of the wrapping off.  Before her now stood a gleaming Zambolla Dirt Destroyer vacuum cleaner. Delia stood dumbfounded in front of the humongous machine.

“You bought me a vacuum cleaner,” she said unemotionally.

Jimmy beamed. “Yes, just like the one you said you wanted last month. Oh, and look, it has all the special attachments and brushes that everyone dreams about.”

She looked at him in shock.  “This is the absolute worst gift you have ever given me,” she exclaimed.  “How could you give me a household appliance for the holiday?”

“I thought you dreamed about this?” he said, shocked. 

“I wanted it as a tool to use, not as a gift,” She said softly, trying to hide her sadness at the gift.  “Well, open yours.”

Jimmy looked down at the box at his feet, smiled weakly and hid his disappointment at his gift-giving failure.  He opened the box Delia had presented him and discovered a large bottle of cologne lying on top of a fuzzy, wool sweater. “What the hell,” he said, furrowing his brows as he looked down at the gift.

“Yes, it’s the most popular scent, all the kids are raving about it.  Plus, you said you needed something to keep you warm at those football games,” Delia said, her spirit slightly raised at seeing her offering.

Jimmy looked aghast at his wife.  “I was hoping for a Green Bay Packers sweatshirt,” he stammered. “And why would you get me perfume?”

“Um, it’s cologne. I thought you would like having something other than that old aftershave you use.”

“I hate guys who wear fancy, shmansy smells, er, colognes.  Plus, guys who wear sweaters like this are wimpy, metrosexuals who don’t go to football games.”

The married couple glanced at the gifts they had just been given and then blankly at each other.

They had experienced the age-old difference between male and female gift giving. They had discovered that neither of them had a single clue about the other’s dreams or thought process.  Learned that the sexes had not progressed from Eve giving Adam the forbidden fruit. They had once more enlisted for combat in The War Between Men and Women.

Ahhhh, James Thurber

Macho Man

It permeates society from advertising to driving. It causes wars but also discoveries. It leads to conflict but also acts of bravery. Machismo. The scourge and also blessing of all men.

All males feel the need to be macho. Some of us only need to display it occasionally, some view it as a required constant lifestyle. We can't help it, it's partly due to testosterone, partly due to upbringing.

If someone pushes you or calls you a name, your testosterone kicks it up a notch and you respond. When you were a kid and you tripped rounding first base and smashed your nose and you began to cry, your coach would extol you to be a man and get up and keep going.

Oh, I should point out that this only relates to the majority of us guys, not “the other team” (clever Seinfeld reference) since I don't play for them and don’t know their macho status. "Not that there's anything wrong with that."

Macho is observed in many forms and styles as well as degree.

You see it a lot while out driving. Of course road rage is an obvious and extreme extension, but there are other indicators. For example, I notice it all the time when I attempt to pass someone who's going slow only to discover he's sped up as soon as I make my move. Similar to that, is the driver who wants to get into your lane but wants to do it in front of you, not behind. Even if there is no traffic behind you, the guy will smash the pedal to the metal to get ahead of you.

I admit to my own displays of macho. Although I have no problem merging behind someone in traffic, I’ll be damned if I let a guy in if it looks to me like he's trying to jump in line because he didn't want to wait. Such as when the right lane is obviously closed ahead but instead of getting in the long line to left, this guy speeds ahead and darts into the lane further ahead. Macho.

I display my machoness by wearing clothes that I think are manly, albeit not fashionable. Yeah, you'll find an array of flannel shirts in my closet.

As you might expect, we guys get macho around women. There are the super macho guys who'll get in a fight over a woman (not me) to the guys who will stand around trying to look macho (yeah, that's me with a hand in his pocket while holding a drink, leaning against a wall disinterested in life. Subtle, right?).
   
So there are all sorts of different machismo that you may encounter in us guys. I should point out that I blogged about a similar phenomenon in our aggressive competitiveness, which is a little bit different. No matter the variety though, if it offends you or is something you don't appreciate just ignore the guy or move farther away. However, don't verbally confront him, his machoness may kick into high gear and then who knows?

 Ah, James Thurber (who was macho)

Set Your Soul On Fire

Back in the 80s, AIDS protestors (protesting lack of funding/concern by the government) took to the streets across the country. Police were so afraid they might get the disease—even though the protestors may not have it and ignoring the science that stated you couldn't get it by mere contact—that they wore gloves in case they needed to touch one of the demonstrators.

Obviously, this enraged the protesters even more as it showed how they were treated as less than human. I remember seeing newscasts about these and the image stayed in my subconscious. When I thought about a follow up to my book TAX BREAK, these images came back. My mind played around with it all and finally suggested to me “what if these protestors decided to kick it up a notch?”

So SOULS ON FIRE tells that story. These activists decide to resort to terrorism to make their point. They embrace the Viking belief that it's better to die fighting for your beliefs than whither away in bed. They attack banks to get money to support themselves and attack the police to get revenge.

In a way, it also reflects the mindset of the people in the Warsaw ghetto during WWII. The people knew the Nazis would inevitably kill them, so they might as well fight back to the best of their ability.

 AIDS is a major theme of the book, but a more subtle one, albeit just as important, is PTSD.  I modeled the story a bit like “Soldier's Home” by Ernest Hemingway. An engrossing (and depressing) story about a young man who returns from WWI and is drastically changed from his prewar self.

This doesn't hit you in the face, but you can begin to see it in the character by the flashbacks he experiences. I won't say much more about this as I don't want to spoil it for you (and it's important when you read any book that you discover what the author is saying) but when you read it think about whether anything is odd or if his judgement has changed.

This book also delves more into Austin then the previous book. I'm in love with this city and you get to learn about its politics, environment, well, the nature of the city. Of course, I also had to mention a great musician who graced the city (and one of its great music venues from the day).

A writing point about the book: it's really short. According to one book seller you should be able to read it within three hours. As I wrote it I kept having this weird internal battle that on one hand said go into more detail, but on the other said, well, the kids today have an attention span of five seconds, so keep it short buster. Okay, I admit that even I sometimes skim books these days so I can get to the grist. So it was for me too.

On a personal note, this took me a long time to write.  I began the project in 2008 and slowly worked on completing it over the next 10 years.  I could blame that because a few years before beginning I got hit by a car while biking and my house burned down, but I am not sure those still weighed on my thoughts. 

It might have also stemmed from being depressed about lack of sales for my other books or how difficult it had been to get short stories published (I have quite a few that succeeded).  However, I have a feeling it’s more likely that it’s that I seem to get distracted easily these days.  Oh, is there a football game on right now?  Maybe.

I hope this insight into SOULS ON FIRE intrigued you enough to give it a try.  Think of it as a great distraction you can complete reading on your next long flight.  Or that you believe you’ll be dragged into this action-packed novel because it delves into important social issues. Whatever your reason, I hope you enjoy it and that it does more than entertains you, but also causes you to pause and think.  It sure did that to me as I wrote it.

Ahhh, James Thurber

 A short description of SOULS ON FIRE:

In 1985 AIDS activists slaughter police and terrorize Austin in the new blockbuster mystery SOULS ON FIRE.  Buy it now to discover if a movie-addicted police detective and his former CIA agent and bar-owner friend can stop the violence that engulfs the city.

FaceBook page:

https://www.facebook.com/SoulsOnFire.JayW/

The Effort

There are a number of hiking trails that you can travel when you go to one of our beautiful National Parks such as Olympic (pictured above). The trails range from easy to difficult; from short to long. How far you hike depends on how much time you want to spend and the effort you’re willing to expend.

That's the same way it goes for hitting the trails, uh, bars and nightclubs, and seeking out women. Let me remind you, As I've pointed out numerous times, it's up to the male to make first contact.  So the male must carefully weigh if making the effort is worth the time, money and emotional risk.

It can be perilous, but often the journey is as enjoyable as the destination.

I bring this up because as I age I have made some changes in my evaluation as to effort level. In the past factors might include a female's looks, athletic ability (hey, I got a degree in Phys Ed as well as Journalism), voice, well, a lot of superficial things because on first contact you don't really have much else to go by.

Nowadays, I've begun to add age. 

Yes, I blogged about older men going for younger females, but this is more about making the effort. We older guys like to chase younger females because of their looks obviously, but also it makes us feel younger too (and boosts self esteem). Of course, when weighing the effort level, it also figures in that younger age increases the effort value. If we're still going by superficial values (we still don't know if they have a great personality until we make the effort) then why not go younger?

All of this doesn't mean that we older guys are not attracted to older women, or won't try to go out with them. It just means we are less likely to make the bigger effort. We want to hike the shorter trails with older females.

The problem is that females still want to play those old, wily games they could get away with when younger even as they age out of the long trail hike range.

Even though older, and perhaps wiser, they still refuse to try first contact, still are coy about talking/interacting to an approaching male, well, you know their guile. If you exchange numbers, they still refuse to call first. They still won't make an early commitment. Still don't think they need to make much effort to keep things rolling.

A number of years ago I remember reading an article that noted that older women were less likely to get remarried than men.  Although the gap is closing (from more recent studies) there is still a difference and my guess is because of the effort quotient. Guys just prefer younger females and are more likely to make the effort for them than for older ones. Again, it’s not that they wouldn’t try, it’s just the older the less likely to make the effort.

So just as I postulated in one of my earliest blogs, that love was a math equation, likewise, it again boils down to math when it comes to chasing a mate. As the female’s age goes up, the male’s effort level goes down. It just adds up.

We're Going Backwards

Late on Friday nights when I’m safely home (admittedly after a few beers) I like to play music videos on the DVD player. Often they're 80s videos, some are hard rock, i.e. AC/DC (which annoys the neighbors because you have to play those loud), or sometimes just a few “chill music” vids because I need to calm down.

However, one of my favorites is Lionel Richie's “All Night Long.” Invariably though this depresses me. It reminds me how we are going backwards nowadays.

The song is about how you can be so strongly moved by something (music) that you just have to keep going. Party all night long. The dancers wear very colorful outfits, surely meant to make a subtle point, and are multi-racial. The dancing includes a wide range of styles with various mixtures of couples.

This was back in the 80s where it was slowly becoming common and acceptable to see a black man dance with a white woman, a white man tango with an Asian female, two males breakdancing together. It made it seem like things were progressing to where we could all live together in harmony.

Then Trump came along and infested the White House. 

Although we knew there were a lot of racists in our country, they at least had become reticent to express it in public. Unlike the old days where Jim Crow was normalized, racism had become a social deviation, something kept quietly amongst a person's cohort or family. Not something you could bring out in public without facing public derision.

Trump enabled racists. Emboldened them. He has tried to make it acceptable in polite society, and criticized those who challenge him as weak-wristed Libtards or overly PC elites.

Thanks to him, we see an increase in right-wing, racist organizations, demonstrators who are unafraid of public shame chanting abusive, racist slogans and public displays of offensive comments to anyone who looks foreign or of a different race than Anglo-Saxon whites. Even the Republican Party seems to have embraced the Trump vitriol and become largely the party of white males.

Although we've had problems with police interactions with civilians, as I noted in my blogs “Tips for Tourists” and “Police reform Part I & II” I don't think we've seen this level of police violence toward minorities since before the 70s. It's as if they are acting as Trump's agents of violence that he often spews at his pep, excuse me, "campaign" rallies.

I long for the days when we could dance the night away regardless of our race, religion, political affiliation or whatever.  

Sure, the video is a make-believe world, but it was a world where people lived together peacefully, where differences were immaterial, where people could dance together in harmony. A world we need to find again.

James Thurber believed in harmony and love.

Police Reform—Part II: Training and Testing

Police in the United States killed over 1,000 people in 2016. More than any industrialized country in the world. The need for police reform has never been more needed than today.

Hit the Brakes! An allegory

A 16-year-old tugs at his dad’s sleeve and begs to be taught to drive the car. Dad believes it is time, so promptly shows his son how to start the car, put it in gear, hit the brakes, etc.  He even takes his son to a nearby parking lot and lets the youngster drive around the empty lot.  After they get back home, dad jumps out of the car and turns to his son.

“Okay, boy, you are ready to drive. Go take it for a spin.”

As you might expect, the son promptly goes out and gets into a horrific traffic accident. For although dad taught him how to physically drive the car, he didn’t teach such concepts as who has the right-of-way, how to merge into traffic, what the various traffic signs represent and more.

The boy knew how to drive a car, but he didn’t know how to drive with other people around him.

From teenage driver to armed police

This is the same scenario that plays out with police in the United States as it relates to guns. They are taught to use a gun, allowed some basic target practice and given a few rules to obey, then get handed a weapon and sent out into the world. They have no experience in having a gun while other people are wandering around them. They have no knowledge about when and when not to utilize said gun.

In fact, if anything, they are encouraged to turn to using the gun any time they encounter trouble.

• This is why we see cops shoot a man who has been pulled over for missing a front license plate .  

• Or when a dog gets a little too unruly . 

•When an unarmed teenager flashes his car lights at an officer 

• Or if someone who the policeman has asked to see his license reaches into his truck to get it.

Watch your temper

When you watch a football game, look at the referee on the sideline. He's being constantly yelled at by fans or coaches, some standing right beside him. Typically, he does not respond at all as he's trained not to react. That's what we need with today's police.

A large number of police in this country do not have the temperament to wield a gun. They are often ex-high school football jocks who got all sorts of respect while in school, but now are shocked and angry when they don't automatically get that same respect today while on the force.

This is why today we see a large number of unarmed people shot and killed by police:

• Father is dragging son away from cop who then shoots the unarmed young man.

• Policeman shoots unarmed robbery suspect in who is lying on the ground wounded from another officer's shots.

• Policeman kills an unarmed teenager who is jumping on cars.

• Police kill unarmed man who has his hands raised up.

• Police officers shoot naked man wielding a stick.

The European Example

In contrast, in Europe the police typically disarm people without shooting or killing them:

• Two police in the UK disarm a man threatening them with a knife.

• Four Swedish policemen vacationing in New York City break up a violent fight without harming anyone.

• German police use broom to disarm man wielding a sword.

In fact, the police in other western countries seldom fire their weapons at all and killing of civilians is almost unheard of in Europe. For example, in 24 years police in Wales and England killed 55 civilians, while in 24 DAYS in 2015 U.S. police killed 59 civilians.

The difference: Training

The reason for this disparity of outcomes is training and mentality.  

To become a police officer in any of the other western industrial nations (Europe, Canada, Australia, New Zealand) it requires from two to three years to get certified to join the force. For example, in the UK it takes a minimum of two years of training to become a police officer.  In Northern Ireland, the training requires those two years plus candidates must complete a 25 hour online course before that training even begins. In Norway, police must earn a degree from a three-year college before becoming officers.

Likewise, In Germany the training and education last three years, and it includes training in using a weapon—stressing NOT TO SHOOT.  A quote from this article explains this concept: “In every head of every policeman, there is the aim not to shoot,” says Col. Uwe Thieme, the four-star senior police director at the state’s office for education, training, and human resources.

Meanwhile in the U.S. the average amount of training is 15 weeks. Each city can be different, for example, Sacremento requires 23 weeks, while in North Carolina it’s 15 weeks. It actually requires more training to become a barber or hair dresser than to become a policeman in the U.S.  The training for cosmetologists ranges from 25 to 40 weeks.

Another difference: Attitude

Besides training, the other major factor for why police in the U.S. use their weapons more than other industrialized police forces, is due to mentality and attitude. By this I mean here in the U.S. police are trained to think that the best alternative in a dangerous situation is to use deadly force.

As mentioned above, police are given training in how to use a weapon and practice using it. Some get up to 60 hours of training like this. Often this training includes a computer simulation, a form of a gauntlet scenario. They must wander down a street filled with miscreants and a few innocent bystanders. The police must wisely shoot the bad guys but not the innocent civilians.

Yes, this training can help a person to learn to respond quickly to a situation. And admittedly, police are often in situations where they must make split-second decisions. However, this type of training also begins to plant a seed in the officers head that whenever he walks down the street, he’s in a battle zone. That just around the corner is some evil guy waiting to shoot him. 

As noted above, this is different overseas. Sure, they are taught how and when to use a weapon, but more importantly, their training stresses how to avoid that situation ever happening. They realize that once you get in your head that you must react a certain way in stressful situations (pull your gun, shoot the evil guy) you are likely to fall back on that instead of trying some alternative.

How to correct the problem

The United States must change how police officers are trained. As noted above, too often police departments rely on the easiest and cheapest way to train officers: they require less time for training.  The best way to have a more efficient and less violent police force is to implement this:

• Each state must have a standard for training of police officers to be licensed within the state. It cannot be left up to individual cities/counties. In other words, the training for a police officer in Austin would be the same as one in Dallas.

• Training would be for a minimum of two years at a state sanctioned academy. At least 1/4^th of the training should be actual fieldwork. A large portion of this should include training to interact with the community—without the use of a weapon.

• Increase training in self-defense without use of a weapon.

• Increase training in how to diffuse a dangerous situation.

Step 2: Mandatory test to use a weapon

In the movie “Blade Runner” people were given the “Voight-Kampff test”  to see if they were human or android. In one scene, a person taking the test gets so angry at the question, he kills the man giving the test. Yes, he was an android. (for fun, take the test here to see if you are a replicant).

Although we don’t need to test people to see if they are human or not, we do need to test a person who wants to become a police officer to determine suitability for carrying a weapon. So besides improving training of police officers we need to ensure that the person we allow to join a police department isn’t a hothead who will use a weapon on someone else because his wife yelled at him before he left home that day.

The test would be some form of psychological evaluation to determine attitude as well as likelihood that a person might be unsuitable to carry a weapon.

Failing this test should not necessarily keep a person from joining the police force. It should only prevent the person from carrying a weapon. If the person passed the above academy but failed this test he/she could still be employed.

With this in mind, half of today's police force should be disarmed. Not just because they are not mentally stable enough to use it wisely, but also because the majority of encounters with civilians does not require a weapon. If the person wanted to carry a weapon, the person could be eligible for a retest after six months if he/she performed without incident in the field. Also, although current police officers should be "grandfathered in" so they don't need to go through the new training standards--they should be required to pass the psychological assessment in order to continue to carry a gun. If they don't pass they are not dismissed, just reassigned to a non-weapon division.

Conclusion

In many cases in which police shoot civilians, those police officers state that they "feared for their lives." Since a large percentage of those shot are unarmed, it means that police training is embedding in the recruit's minds that they will be constantly under attack; that they are going out into a war zone; every encounter could be dangerous. They are taught to be fearful. On the other hand, the training in other countries teaches recruits how to be prepared for dangerous situations, but also how to face common day-to-day encounters that are not dangerous and how to better interact with the civilian population.

What all of this boils down to is that police departments need to change the structure of how they carry out some of their duties. In Police Reform—Part 1 I talked about removing traffic duties from the police department and giving them to an unarmed city department. Part 3 of police reform will include suggestions on how a police department should be structured. For example, half of the department should be unarmed; there should be a rapid-deployment division that includes armed officers (not a SWAT team), etc. Current police forces have detectives, swat teams, police in uniform and other groups/divisions. Maybe there should be a different way to organize police forces.

Ahh, James Thurber

 

Well, I had Part I, so it makes sense that sooner or later I'd include Part II.  This article originally was written as a HUB page.  However, they removed one of my other pages so to ensure this article is still floating around the internet, I thought I'd include it here at The Thurber Brigade. I'll get back to The War Between Men and Women (relationships) real soon. Really.